@juanejot@beige.party
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juanejot

@juanejot@beige.party

Linux, biology & sci-fi nerd, father, thinks he's funny. 🙄

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Alice, to random
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404 art thou Romeo?

juanejot,
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@Alice But soft, what light through yonder [broken pipe exception.]

juanejot, to random
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One reason we fear aliens: We assume “Take me to your leader” means “Let me speak to your manager.”

Alice, to random
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Bad news: One of my coworkers just followed me on Mastodon.

Good news: My watch is letting me count my panic attack as a workout.

juanejot,
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@Alice Hi, coworker! Welcome to the party. Just put your PGP keys in the bowl over there, and mingle!

…Wait, y’mean that’s NOT how everyone else has been looking at this whole Mastodon thing?

(Quietly puts flight of assorted scented lotions away, changes out of monogrammed, terry cloth bathrobe & shaves off mustache of obnoxious size.)

juanejot, to HashtagGames
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The SE7EN Year Itch

the_etrain, to random
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You know, if Olive Garden got their servers ordained, they could serve unlimited body of Christ. Think about it.

juanejot,
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@the_etrain Don’t fill up on bread; it’s just homily calories.

Alice, to random
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Which one of you jerks who won’t see this unfollowed me?

juanejot,
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@Alice Coulda been a mistake? A “butt-unfollow,” if you will.

Alice, to random
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These pharmaceutical jingles are absolute bangers. I don’t have psoriasis, arthritis, or Crohn's disease, but I’m still going to talk to my doctor about Skyrizi because I WANT it and the FOMO is unbearable.

juanejot,
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@Alice I hear it’s the SkyShizzi.

juanejot, to random
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Found this calculator on my desk at work, so just HAD to test out the alphanumeric function.

Alice, to random
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The poor man's Donald Trump is Donald Trump.

juanejot,
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@Alice I imagine a world where he pursued an acting career after Home Alone 2. Which would have been awful; if he’d landed a role as Popeye’s friend Wimpy, he’d bring to the character never paying you back for that hamburger today.

Alice, to random
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One of my pet peeves is a chihuahua.

juanejot,
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@Alice Not sure “Peeve” is the kindest name to give a chihuahua, but OK.

thelinuxEXP, to linux
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Time for this week's and News video!
In this one, we have the law forcing to sell or be banned in the US being passed, we have an article explaining why Search is so much worse these days, we have the release of 40 and 24.04, and contributing to the NVK open source drivers:

https://youtu.be/SDDHG3YH2vI

juanejot,
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@thelinuxEXP I must admit that where I grew up had me surprised by the accurate pronunciation of Arthur Huillet’s name in the Nvidia story, expecting something more along the lines of “Arr*-thurr Hwill-lett.” 😂
*(Like a pirate.)

Alice, to random
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I was reminded of a story about my friend Jill, but I wasn't able to properly convey it in text since it has to do with her specific New Yorker accent and how she says certain words, so I figured it would be better to record me telling the story instead.

It's less than a minute long so it shouldn't be TOO terrible to listen to even though I'm fully aware that I have Resting Bitch Voice (RBV).

juanejot,
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@Alice NO reflection on you or your friend who the story is about at all, but my mind made this meditation on the pronunciation of “toffee coffee” into a standing order for JK Rowling: “TERFy coffee.”
It is somehow inexplicably more delicious every time she doubles down. (Barista wipes mouth with back of hand.)

juanejot, to random
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I “love*” the phrase, “You thinkin’ what I’m thinking’?,” because it leaves a Three’s Company-sized hole for misinterpretation.
*(can’t stand)

TheBreadmonkey, to random
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Anyway - enough of all that. I've just realised I know / have met 3 people who claim not only to have met Elton John, but are friends with him. And the funny thing is that I don't believe any of them. I'm prepared to accept I might be wrong, but I do wonder if Elton John is in that sweet spot for people fond of telling porkies, where he's super famous but also seems accessible. Like would anyone here believe me if I said I know Elton (didn't even use his last name, just like I don't when we hang out)?

juanejot,
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@Alice @TheBreadmonkey @blueorangeblue I’ll be the guy, at arrival, or any unveiling or other communally tense moment, belting out “Happy Birthday!” or “Merry Christmas!” or some such. I know WHY we’re there, I’ve just in my anticipation, momentarily spaced on the title of the event.
I’m a barrel of monkeys at surprise parties.

Alice, to random
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Hello, officer. I'd like to speak to the gentleman, instead.

juanejot,
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@Alice All (K>)ings Are Bad at (<c)omposition.

GrimmReality, to random
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I hope this email finds you out. You know what you did.

juanejot,
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@GrimmReality https://beige.party/@juanejot/111111917729093150

GrimmReality, to random
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Starting a new grassroots org, Librarians United to Set the Record Straight On Librarians Believing Preposterous Horseshit Because You Read Too Fast and Thought It Said "Libertarians," Ya Fucken Dipshit.

Holler if you'd like to join.

juanejot,
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@GrimmReality (Libras remain silent on whether astrology is similarly preposterous.)

robertdalton, to StarTrek
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deleted_by_author

    •
    juanejot,
    @juanejot@beige.party avatar

    @robertdalton The line* to hear these little nuggets of wisdom must span the galaxy.
    *(or in British English, …)

    juanejot, to HashtagGames
    @juanejot@beige.party avatar

    Croft1Chest

    Alice, to random
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    As a person who never wanted to have children, I was excited to realize that I'm experiencing early menopause after several months without a period, but why didn't anybody warn me about all of the weight gain and nausea and cravings for things like spicy foods and pickles?!?

    juanejot,
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    @Alice Men( miscon)stru(e )al(l) cycles

    (And make it all about themselves).

    Alice, (edited ) to random
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    My husband just left to go pee and said he had to go "pinch the worm" in the event you're also looking for a phrase to mortify your significant other.

    juanejot,
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    @Alice Relaxing the uretal sphincter.

    Both high-falutin’ and gross at the same time.

    juanejot,
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    @Alice (P*ss-)shiverin’ me timbers.

    Alice, (edited ) to random
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    It's not reassuring that doctors and lawyers only practice.

    juanejot, (edited )
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    @Alice Must be why they can be guilty of Mal practice.

    theropologist, to random
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    After having to figure out how to do some minor plumbing repairs around the house I have come to appreciate the humble gasket as the only thing separating civilized society from utter chaos

    juanejot,
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    @theropologist Must be why “self-sealing stem bolts” are such an ever-important commodity, as ill-defined as they are, in the Star Trek universe; they’ve got elements we’ve never heard of, glibly-named “Heisenberg compensators” and “inertial dampeners;” of COURSE they have apocryphal plumbing!

    “Apocryphal Plumbing” is my new favorite band, BTW.

    Alice, to random
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    All of my jokes are boner jokes if you look hard enough.

    juanejot,
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    @Alice Flip that “b” to a “d,” and you’ll be wondering what’s so funny about doner kebab… AND be hungry!

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