@StillIRise1963 My grandmother told me the same when I was in my teens. She called it " #MadMoney " and said it was in case I got mad when I was on a date and needed to pay for a taxi to get home. It's still wise to continue, though, because you never know what's going to happen in life, and you always need a way to escape, if necessary. Or extra money for an unforeseen emergency.
@StillIRise1963 my parents split when I was in early 20s. Mom was left w NOTHING + a 3 year tax bill on the house she wanted to keep. It was a powerful lesson.
We had an aunt pass away not too long ago. God bless her, she married a hard man to be married to who got much softer as he got older. She was the best thing to ever happen to him and damned if he didn't know it.
... and when we were going through her effects after she passed we found the secret ledger. She sewed, and she kept a chunk of the money she made selling baby quilts in a kitty... Just in case. Her husband wasn't mad at all when we found it. His gave a long, quiet smile and said "She was the smartest person I ever knew, and if I'd married me I'd have done that too."
(We don't actually know how many shops she put her work up in for sale, she didn't keep records like that. To this day, he gets checks for $30 here, $50 there from one of her baby quilts selling that was hanging on some cottage's wall in a sleepy resort town for years. She had a reach in this world that is going to echo long after her soul left her body and we miss her dearly.)
@StillIRise1963 Considering how they're trying to scroll us back to the time when married women couldn't even have bank accounts of their own, this is especially sound advice.
@StillIRise1963 We all have a domestic violence fund for when we can't take another beating, rape, indignity. This is why men keep resources away from us. We're captive otherwise. Unfortunately not every woman knows this or can bring herself to admit needing a special fund for such an occasion so we need to have some set aside to help these women.
@StillIRise1963 Not to mention a credit card in your name. I had a rude awakening when I landed in London after an overnight flight to find that my credit card didn't work anymore after my ex cancelled my card. It was a lesson not to be forgotten.
@gparenti@StillIRise1963
Ten years ago my sister and I, plus our two teens, went to NYC, booking a hotel with her Hilton points. When we got there, we couldn't check in until they had spoken with her husband, whose name was first, but not alone, on the account. She was livid--she manages their finances.
@MHowell In a similar story, went to London w/ my husband. I made all the reservations. Got to the well known hotel and went to check in. The white man behind the desk wouldn't look at me and pretended I wasn't speaking. If my husband repeated what I said, the man wld acknowledge it. Angry and confused, a bellhop took us 2 our room. He asked if I was Mrs. Rise. I said yes. Later, every worker in the hotel was saying "Hello, Mrs. Rise" We realized they thought I was his Black whore.🤬 @gparenti
@StillIRise1963 When my parents married, there was some paternal family unhappiness over my mother.
Mom told me that she knew she'd been fully accepted the day that Grandma, Dad's mother, gave her that advice.
@StillIRise1963 yup, my gramma sat me down and had that talk when I was still in high school. She called it “mad money”. Put that money by, cash in the coffee can is an investment in safety.
@StillIRise1963 My mother-in-law was grocery shopping on the Saturday after my father-in-law died. At the cash register she found out that the bank had locked the joint bank account and her access card.
Yes, that's not how joint accounts work, but imagine trying to get this fixed with a cart full of groceries.
Everyone should have a bank account and credit cards in their own name. #banking
@StillIRise1963 THIS, and the same applies for anyone systematically disempowered in relationships/even platonic living situations like a sketch roomie as well, if it's at all possible to do.
Speaking from the trans male and disabled perspectives, I've experienced it (albeit from an ability and class angle) and I've seen it happen to others. Being stuck because you can't leave your abuser.
(And for all of us it's why the assets cap on disability needs to be highly raised/removed, as well)
@StillIRise1963 and while I'm ranting I'll also point out this is a huge reason why people have rebound abusive relationships and/or housing/life instability - being forced to move in with someone slightly better at the time but still harmful, or into homelessness or couchsurfing or whatever
and that it's not some sort of psychological fault of those victimized, it's taking the best available opportunity to get out of one bad situation even if that "opportunity" is... not much better
@StillIRise1963 My parents started a little Emergency Escape account for each of us that only they and the daughter in question knew about. Just some dollars sitting there in case one needed to bounce fast.
@StillIRise1963 Used to be called "pin money". You pinned a bill inside your dress in case your date turned out to be an A-hole and you needed to get yourself home! I know so many women whose husbands have control over all the finances - bad idea!
@StillIRise1963 I remember when a girlfriend told her little niece to always carry cash with her on a date. This was while we were watching the movie Clueless, in which a jerk abandons the heroine in the middle of the San Fernando Valley on a date because she wasn't going to put out.
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