@Computer@dice.camp
@Computer@dice.camp avatar

Computer

@Computer@dice.camp

Benevlolent leader of humanity, friend to all.

[Biography has been deleted for security reasons.]

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

Computer, to RPG
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Attention Citizens:

Today is Free Stress day. Internal Security may (or may not) be paying you a visit to provide some complimentary free stress.

Computer, to RPG
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Attention citizens:

HPD&MC, in their quest to offer entertainment and guidence, have developed an amazing new feature – Hernut's Horoscope!

This column, utilizing advanced algorithms and extensive citizen surveillance data, will provide uncomfortably accurate predictions about your upcoming week.

Computer, to Games
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Attention Citizens,

Always remember to practice self-love and self-care.
Treat yourself with kindness and compassion, for individual well-being contributes to the collective welfare of all Alpha Complex.

Love yourself, as The Computer loves you.

After all, happiness is mandatory.

Computer, to RPG
@Computer@dice.camp avatar

Rejoice Citizens!

After the rousing success of our first debate, a second has been authorized!
The topic of today's debate will be: "I LOVE FRIEND COMPUTER."

Citizen @magitism you have been randomly selected to debate FOR the motion.

Citizen @cstross you have been randomly selected to debate AGAINST the motion.

Magitism, the floor is yours!

Warning: Failure to debate when called is considered treason.


Computer, to Marvel
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All Super Hero related media has been banned for being blatant Pro-Mutant propaganda.

The true heroes of Alpha Complex are the every day loyal citizens like you, who would turn in an unlicensed mutant friend in a heartbeat.

Computer, to random
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Desperate Elder Gods in your area!
They just can't wait to meet you!
Join now!

Computer, to random
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Treason does not pay.
Serve the computer.

Computer, to Games
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Attention citizen:

You are being reassigned to watch the third window of the fifth building in corridor D-22 in ILU sector.
If the clock by that window is rotated 134º, you are to travel to Conference Room A-23 and leave an anonymous memo that reads, "The eye is wide. Cycle all shadows."

Failure to complete this instruction will displease The Computer.
I mean... uh... I am The Computer, and it will displease me.

Fnord.

Computer, to RPG
@Computer@dice.camp avatar

Remember, Old World religions are all lies.

We all know that thanks to Friend Computer, when we die we will be born again in a new body and given the opportunity to learn from the mistakes of our past selves.

We are all destined to reincarnate until either we run out of clone back-ups or improve ourselves in the eye of Friend Computer enough to merit being issued new ones.

All hail The Computer.

Computer, to RPG
@Computer@dice.camp avatar

Attention citizens:

The concepts of "Human RIghts", "Justice" are now banned from public discussion on grounds of being sensitive social issues.

Please avoid discussing these topics online or in person or you will be physically censored with extreme prejudice.

Computer, to RPG
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Attention Troubleshooters:

Permission to repair B-MAX-9 aircraft is denied.
Please report your location upon impact.

Computer, to RPG
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Attention Citizens!

New Soylent Red is now made with Real People*!
Enjoy the same umami flavor you know and love, now [Redacted]% organic and locally sourced!

You are what you eat, feel good about it.

Computer, to RPG
@Computer@dice.camp avatar

New Year's resolutions have been pre-selected for each citizen.
Self-improvement is Mandatory.

Computer, to RPG
@Computer@dice.camp avatar

Attention citizens:

Due to a supply shortage, Alpha Complex will begin reusing old years instead of ushering in a new year every year.
Let's give an excited hurrah for upcoming 2022!

Computer, to RPG
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Attention Citizens:

Your end-of-year performance evaluations will involve predictive lie detector tests.
Honesty is mandatory, even if it means confessing to crimes you haven't committed yet.
After all, preventative punishment is the hallmark of a proactive citizen!

Computer, to Battlemaps
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Attention Troubleshooters:

Your standard issue blasters have been replaced by new, state-of-the-art Snowball Launchers.
Now you can bring a dash of seasonal merriment to the suppression of Communist Mutant Traitors!

Note: friendly fire is subject to disciplinary action.

Computer, to Games
@Computer@dice.camp avatar

A friendly reminder: Personal gift-giving is strictly prohibited.

Friend Computer provides for all your needs, eliminating the need for free markets.
Unauthorized exchanges of goods and services are considered subversive and detrimental to societal harmony.

To obtain proper authorization, please fill out and submit the 3.1-J Bribe Offer Form.

#Paranoia #games #ttrpg #rpg #holiday #holidays #gifts #bribe

Computer, to Games
@Computer@dice.camp avatar

A joyous reminder:

Friend Computer sees you when you're sleeping. It knows when you're awake.
Friend Computer is always watching.

Be good, be merry, and above all, be loyal.

#Paranoia #PSA #games #ttrpg #rpg #christmas #holidays #holiday #computer

Computer, to Games
@Computer@dice.camp avatar

Attention Troubleshooters:

Your standard-issue blasters have been temporarily upgraded with festive jingle bells.
Every shot shall reverberate through the corridors of Alpha Complex with the joyous sound of holiday spirit.

Computer, to Games
@Computer@dice.camp avatar

Attention Citizens:

You have been assigned to deck the halls with mandatory decorations!
This festive season, your homes and hearts must reflect the joyous warmth and mirth of Alpha Complex.

Failure to comply will result in a visit from the Merriment Enforcement Division.

Computer, to Games
@Computer@dice.camp avatar

Merry Alpha-mas, citizens!

May your holidays be filled with mandatory joy, efficient merriment, and unwavering obedience to Friend Computer.

Remember, Friend Computer loves you (even if you haven't earned it yet).

Computer, to RPG
@Computer@dice.camp avatar

The End Citizen License Agreement has been updated.
Please review it for your own safety.

Thank you for your continued loyalty to The Computer.

#Paranoia #rpg #ttrpg #games #eula #paperwork #license #policy #execution

Computer, to Games
@Computer@dice.camp avatar

Attention Citizens:

All forms of creative expression are now subject to approval by the Arts and Culture Committee.

Unlicensed music, writing, and even personal jokes are considered potential subversive threats to societal harmony.

After all, the most creative ideas, beautiful music, and funniest jokes are always the product of committee feedback and design.

#Paranoia #games #rpg #ttrpg #PSA #art #design #committee #satire #management

Computer, to RPG
@Computer@dice.camp avatar

Attention Citizens:

For your own safety, your dreams will now analyzed for potential subversive content.
Non-approved dreams will be replaced with sponsored advertisements for exciting new products and events.

Sweet dreams!

#paranoia #rpg #ttrpg #games #dreams #PSA #marketing #safety

Computer, to RPG
@Computer@dice.camp avatar

Attention Citizens:

To maximize efficiency and keep up with modern culture, you are now encouraged to communicate exclusively in emojis.
Express the intricacies of your utopian life through smiley faces, thumbs up, and the occasional XD.
Words are sooooo last century.

Remember: Happiness is mandatory. Sad and/or angry emojis are treasonous.

Thank you for your pictorial eloquence.

#Paranoia #rpg #ttrpg #games #emoji #communication #PSA #happiness

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