davep

davep, 8 months ago to random

Ooh, I got an email notification when someone replied to one of my rubbish jokes, @jerry
Is that new, and how do I turn it off? 🙏​

davep, 1 year ago to random

I had my ID stolen today.

Now friends just call me Dav.

davep, 9 months ago to random

Knock knock

Who's there

Europe

Europe who?

No, You're a poo

davep, 7 months ago to random

I must say that engagement on Xhitter has definitely improved since Elmo took over. There are lots of lovely young ladies who have joined recently and they really like my posts.

davep, 1 year ago to random

My wife and I walked passed a swanky, expensive restaurant last night.

She said " The aroma of their cooking from there is absolutely gorgeous"

Being a spontaneous sort of guy, I thought I would treat her. So I turned her around and we walked past it again.

davep, 7 months ago to random

A little old lady named Dorothy called her neighbor Fred and said, “Please come help me, I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can’t figure out how to get started.”

Fred asked, “What’s it’s supposed to be when it’s finished?”

“According to the picture on the box, it’s supposed to be a rooster,” replied Dorothy.

“Okay,“ Fred replied. “ i’ll come over and help with the puzzle.”

He rang the doorbell, she let him in and showed him the pieces spread out all over the kitchen table.

He studied the pieces for a moment, looked at the box and said, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”

He took her hand and said, “Secondly, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then,” he said with a deep sigh, “we’ll put all the corn flakes back in the box.”

davep, 4 months ago (edited 4 months ago) to random

The sky was looking ominous so I asked Siri, “Surely, it’s not going to rain today, is it?”

And she replied, “Yes it is, and don’t call me Shirley.”

That was when I realised I’d left my phone in Airplane mode.

davep, 4 months ago to random

What do you call a bad Spanish ventriloquist? Señor Lipsmove.

#SadlyTheresPlentyMoreWhereThatCameFrom

#MemoryLane

davep, 3 months ago to random

Was setting up a new virtual host in Apache on my RPi, which has involved much gnashing of teeth and questioning of life choices.

Went down a rabbit hole of HSTS preloading of my principal host causing the other to flip to it along with many other increasingly improbable things.

It was obviously DNS. My PC and phone (and router) were storing old values. Restarted my phone, connected to a different network and it was fine to install the Let's Encrypt certificate.

I bloody hate computers.

davep, 1 year ago to random

I reckon we could repurpose Creedence Clearwater Revival's Bad Moon Rising into a climate change song, with a not too subtle hint to politicians about not doing anything.

https://youtu.be/zUQiUFZ5RDw

#climatechange

davep, 5 months ago to random

Just discovered someone I admire has blocked me on here. So I blocked them on Twitter because I'm very petty.

davep, 6 months ago (edited 6 months ago) to random

It's really weird how my use of pre-internet Jackson Structured Programming design process (a top-down design basically involving sequence, choice and iteration) so seamlessly fits into BPMN with the addition of messaging between actors.

It's great having the ability to knock up business processes, functional stuff with technical sub-processes etc in a couple of hours (starting with black box sub-processes) based on disparate requirements and iterate through with stakeholders of every stripe. They absolutely love it as it's so easy to understand (and you can add notes for stuff you're not sure of and deal with it together). And on-the-fly updates during meetings just makes the consensus-building better.

I do love elegant BPMN.

Sorry, had a good day 😅​

davep, 6 months ago to random

I remember back in the 1970s there was a West Country Music Festival.

The organisers lined up both Eric Clapton and Paul Weller's bands to headline, but couldn't decide who should go on first.

davep, 7 months ago to random

This whole boomer bollocks really annoys me (I'm early Gen X). Labelling and pointing fingers at a whole generation is no more useful than astrology.

davep, 10 months ago to random

I've just checked my home insurance and apparently if my duvet is stolen in the middle of the night then I'm not covered.

davep, 8 months ago to random

I for one

davep, 4 months ago to random

davep, 8 months ago to random

From @Mr_Dave_Haslam

davep, 7 months ago to random

If we followed the teachings of Christ, the only vaguely violent thing we'd be doing is pushing over cash machines.

davep, 3 months ago (edited 3 months ago) to random

Finally got the two Sunny Islands on the wall (130lb each) with the help of a neighbour 😵

Edit: they're 63kg, which is probably about 137lb in old money. Re-edit: nope, 139. Anyway, bloody heavy to lift above shoulder height.

davep, 6 months ago (edited 6 months ago) to random

What's the worst Bond film title?

davep, 8 months ago to random

What's the difference between gray and grey?

One's a color and the other's a colour.

davep, 4 months ago to random

Yes, your email found me well. It's the magic combination of SMTP and other underlying protocols such as DNS and TCP.

davep, 4 months ago (edited 4 months ago) to random

The final battle will not be between humans and AI, but the weary stragglers mounting one last desperate defence against the hordes of "small round cookers with a fan" cultists, chanting "you must buy an air fryer, it's changed my life" again and again as they inevitably overrun you.

davep, 4 months ago to random

An old friend may be rehearsing a defensive security product pitch with me before the real thing with potential investors.

Do people have any generic investor-style questions for me I could use to make it a bit more realistic?

#NotAJoke