@greenmountaingirl@babka.social
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greenmountaingirl

@greenmountaingirl@babka.social

writer * indexer * auntie * human-shaped cat * vermonter in nh * deeply uncool

chief bioethicist at miriam technologies (iykyk)

gender/queer

proudly jewish-adjacent animist christian

header shows my hand open with black sunflower seeds in the palm. on one of my fingers perches a chickadee

avatar shows the face of a middle-aged white femme (me) wearing a deep green wrap and silver jewelry, standing in front of a chestnut wooden door

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

greenmountaingirl, to Cats
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Happy , US Mastodonuts, and happy 2nd birthday to !

greenmountaingirl, to Israel
@greenmountaingirl@babka.social avatar

One weird thing about coming back to work after 20 years is that 20 years ago the Second Intifada was going on and I was protesting against the Iraq War.

So here I am, sitting at the circ desk like I was then, reading news about , , and like I was then, and trying not to get swept away by a feeling of powerlessness and déjà vu.

greenmountaingirl,
@greenmountaingirl@babka.social avatar

I made myself stop compulsively reading news after having a nightmare that I was at a negotiating table with Ariel Sharon, Yasser Arafat, and George W. Bush.

spika, to actuallyautistic

One of the worst things about being in a state of autistic burnout with PTSD is what to do about the fact my ability to work is not what it once was, and finding something that I could possibly do that won't cause me more mental damage.

I have a job in the summer that I can handle and is quite accommodating, but in the winter I don't have anything but my art and while that's wonderful, it isn't something I care to turn into a source of income at this juncture. I can barely manage to make myself work on my art, trying to turn it into some sort of business just sounds akin to torture to me.

But I miss having somewhere to go during the day. I miss having a little bit of money that I don't have to ask my mother for to be able to go do things, she always gives me some, but it's humiliating to be almost 40 and have to ask for help like this. It's bad enough I'm having to live with my parents. I'm lucky, I know. Not everyone is so fortunate.

The worst part is trying to talk to anybody about it (other than my partner, who is more or less in the same situation but different circumstances), because people really don't realize how mentally unwell I actually am, and although they mean well when they have suggestions on what to do, it's not helpful. .

They have no idea that when I say "I am unable do that" to the suggestions they give, it's not coming from a place of laziness and stubborn refusal to do it or believing I can't do it, it's coming from a place of I'm in severe mental peril if I try to do that and sustain it. I might be able to achieve it, but it's at great deficit to every other area of my life if I do, and when it inevitably ends, I will be in a worse situation than I am in now.

I think the thing I hate the most though is feeling like because I can't really work, I have no purpose or reason for being. I'm not enjoying just existing to exist. I want something to do and to not be completely socially isolated, but have it not be so overwhelming that I can't function, and not having something depresses me deeply.

Not looking for suggestions or ways to fix right now. Just feeling the feels about it.

@actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic

greenmountaingirl,
@greenmountaingirl@babka.social avatar

@spika 💙​@actuallyautistic

littlemiao, to Cats
@littlemiao@babka.social avatar

Sprockles wishes you a purrfect !

greenmountaingirl,
@greenmountaingirl@babka.social avatar

@littlemiao henlo!

Pentapod, to books
@Pentapod@mstdn.ca avatar

AHHHHHH the new #Murderbot novel is out today and my preorder just arrived on my Kobo and why didn't I take today off work for #reading?????

If you haven't read any Murderbot by the amazing @marthawells yet this is your wake up call to pick up the first novella (All Systems Red). You'll know within the first chapter if it's not for you or if you're hooked for life and it will almost certainly be the latter.

https://wandering.shop/@marthawells/111405501704836692

greenmountaingirl,
@greenmountaingirl@babka.social avatar

@Pentapod @marthawells My spouse and I are already thinking about this issue wrt Alecto the Ninth.

littlemiao, to random
@littlemiao@babka.social avatar

Shabbat shalom

greenmountaingirl,
@greenmountaingirl@babka.social avatar

@littlemiao Shabbat shalom!

greenmountaingirl, to Cats
@greenmountaingirl@babka.social avatar

, at five and a half years of age, has discovered the drying rack. 😂​

Blurry side view of the cat, whose expression is ultra-alert and sort of crazed-looking, with big eyes and fluffed-out cheek fur. Here you can see the shelf of board games to the cat's left.

shekinahcancook, (edited ) to random
@shekinahcancook@babka.social avatar

deleted_by_author

    •
    greenmountaingirl,
    @greenmountaingirl@babka.social avatar

    @shekinahcancook Please, please use content warnings for stuff like this.

    greenmountaingirl,
    @greenmountaingirl@babka.social avatar

    @shekinahcancook That is not a justification for triggering people's PTSD. People with PTSD know horrible things happen, but some of us can only function if we aren't casually exposed to vivid descriptions of it.

    greenmountaingirl,
    @greenmountaingirl@babka.social avatar

    @shekinahcancook I'm truly sorry to hear that.

    It sounds like we probably won't get along. I am currently experiencing an anxiety and asthma attack and was hoping for compassion. PTSD in different people can affect them differently, and I am perhaps more tender than most.

    Goodbye; I wish you well!

    serge, to random
    @serge@babka.social avatar

    Crispin gets confused by the simplest things, but if there's an an insect in the home he turns into

    greenmountaingirl,
    @greenmountaingirl@babka.social avatar

    @thepoliticalcat @serge I'm sorry, but this is my pet peeve. Housecats are not apex predators, which is why they have such a developed startle response, among other things they share with prey animals. Just where I live, cats may be hunted by coy-wolves, catamounts, great horned owls, and bears. Not to mention loose dogs.

    (I suspect the "cats are apex predators" myth came about to try to convince ourselves that it's safe out there for our little murder-floofs. But it's not. And on top of the natural predators are the cars.)

    greenmountaingirl,
    @greenmountaingirl@babka.social avatar

    @thepoliticalcat Okay, i get you. Different understandings of "apex predator" (I use the definition "having no natural predators of its own.")

    Funnily enough, raccoons also belong to order Carnivora, and are vicious predators feared by people who keep chickens. A single raccoon can wipe out an entire flock in one night.

    greenmountaingirl, to Cats
    @greenmountaingirl@babka.social avatar

    truly believes he exists to love and be loved, and it's honestly very inspiring.

    RickiTarr, to random
    @RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

    What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on? You know I want details, spill the tea!

    greenmountaingirl,
    @greenmountaingirl@babka.social avatar

    @shekinahcancook 😲​😳​

    littlemiao, to random
    @littlemiao@babka.social avatar

    When is it time to acknowledge defeat and acquire a new identity?

    greenmountaingirl,
    @greenmountaingirl@babka.social avatar

    @shekinahcancook @littlemiao Oof, I concur.

    greenmountaingirl, to random
    @greenmountaingirl@babka.social avatar

    "It is, in my professional and rabbinic opinion, completely justified and understandable if you are a huge mess. I sure am. I can’t get my work done, I’m exhausted, I’m drained, and I’m angry. I am not anywhere near my best self right now."

    Rabbi Jay Michaelson

    https://open.substack.com/pub/jaymichaelson/p/what-can-help-right-now?r=8tfo3&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

    greenmountaingirl, to Cats
    @greenmountaingirl@babka.social avatar

    was sleeping peacefully on the bed when just jumped up and immediately put his jaws on Dayenu's throat. What a horrible way to wake up!

    greenmountaingirl,
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    @thepoliticalcat Aww, Juju sounds a bit like Dayenu. Very meek, much baby.

    greenmountaingirl,
    @greenmountaingirl@babka.social avatar

    @thepoliticalcat God, I love cats.

    greenmountaingirl,
    @greenmountaingirl@babka.social avatar

    @thepoliticalcat 😽​

    greenmountaingirl,
    @greenmountaingirl@babka.social avatar

    @thepoliticalcat I don't know what your weather's been like, but the dip into autumnal temperatures definitely makes my babies more cuddly (and playful).

    greenmountaingirl, to random
    @greenmountaingirl@babka.social avatar

    Covid and the lack of ADHD meds continue to mess with our mail delivery.

    (I know the ADHD meds situation is a factor because our mail carrier told me as much.)

    greenmountaingirl, to random
    @greenmountaingirl@babka.social avatar

    Kaddish, by Marge Piercy

    Look around us, search above us, below, behind.
    We stand in a great web of being joined together.
    Let us praise, let us love the life we are lent
    passing through us in the body of Israel
    and our own bodies, let’s say amen.

    Time flows through us like water.
    The past and the dead speak through us.
    We breathe out our children’s children, blessing.

    Blessed is the earth from which we grow,
    Blessed the life we are lent,
    blessed the ones who teach us,
    blessed the ones we teach,
    blessed is the word that cannot say the glory
    that shines through us and remains to shine
    flowing past distant suns on the way to forever.
    Let’s say amen.

    Blessed is light, blessed is darkness,
    but blessed above all else is peace
    which bears the fruits of knowledge
    on strong branches, let’s say amen.

    Peace that bears joy into the world,
    peace that enables love, peace over Israel
    everywhere, blessed and holy is peace, let’s say amen.

    greenmountaingirl, to Cats
    @greenmountaingirl@babka.social avatar

    is being even more golden than usual today, cuddling and calming me down (with minor drooling).

    I wish I could somehow give you all the calming Pip experience, but a picture of his cuteness will have to do.

    greenmountaingirl,
    @greenmountaingirl@babka.social avatar

    @hyc Awwww!😻​

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