loops

@loops@neurodifferent.me

I'm an #ActuallyAutistic game programmer. I love design. I'm a particular fan of TTRPGs.

I love to make things, but suffer a big case of new-project-itis. Interests are all over the place.

Not the best at social media, trying to get better at it.

I'm on a journey of (self)discovery, hopefully healing and (self)accommodation.

(avatar from the awesome EFT project - VR Kats by Kazooeybloo https://www.extremelyfungible.com/vr-kats)

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

russellmcormond, to Autism
@russellmcormond@fosstodon.org avatar

The following article really resonates with me.

Culture Determines What Counts as a Disability
https://mosaicofmindss.substack.com/p/culture-defines-what-is-a-disability

@actuallyautistic

loops,

@russellmcormond the social model of disability really frames this well for me; it's not just a reduced capability in some socially desirable activity / skill etc. - but a lack of support for that reduced ability in the built environment, because the built environment is a product of the society that built it, and, as such, anything not considered part of "socially acceptable ability variation" isn't designed into the fabric of the environment, often requiring specific accommodations in individual circumstances.

This is an excellent article about it all, and it frames things in ways that I know I know, but haven't worded good until now. Thanks for sharing 😊

@actuallyautistic

loops, to actuallyadhd

Today's impostor thoughts: "maybe I am doing it for meds, or attention, something like that"

Yesterday morning's : Spilling my meds all over the floor because I couldn't get the patience / motor control right and split the pill, and then while picking it all up, forgetting the cupboard where the meds go was open when I stood up full force, whacking myself right in the temple

@neurodivergents @actuallyadhd

loops,

@izabelamisiak I understand it's mostly just a product of social gaslighting that I take into myself

Like the day before, where I had a meltdown because the clothes on my torso were too tight / scratchy, but also once I had taken them off. Of course, it was in fact my jeans all along 😅

But clearly, that's the type of behaviour where I just wanted to make us late for the thing we were supposed to be leaving for (this paragraph/s)

loops, to actuallyautistic

I went out today and I never should have.

There were too many people and not enough breaks in the crowd and everything was happening everywhere and I couldn't think or process or make decisions and my skin was tingling and

I didn't have a great day 😅

But I made it home and had naptime on my couch with my plushie and also a hot drink

I think I was overstimulated? Anxious? I'm not good at identifying emotions. I think I narrowly avoided a full, external meltdown

@actuallyautistic @neurodivergents

ADHDefy, to ADHD
@ADHDefy@easymode.im avatar

Learning new skills with can be tough. Obviously, it is a learning disability, so there's that, but also, if I'm interested and the hyperfocus kicks in, I can learn fucking rocket science in a week if I really want to (okay, maybe that's a slight hyperbole... 🤔). The hardest part for me when I actually care about something is that it's so hard to just let myself be a beginner. I wanna be a master TODAY.

I've been studying voice acting for the last few years (off and on, because consistency is hard), and I've come a long way in the last year especially, but I'm still lacking a lot of vital experience and my brain is telling me to skip five steps and dive into the deep end NOW.

Being patient and disciplined is so hard. 😩

loops,

@ADHDefy truly - why jump through hoops when all the information could be right there if only the course was rearranged 🤣

Or like, what if we could structure learning around diving in at the deep end and learning from trying, instead of building up in a way that doesn't work?

Idk, stray thoughts. Good luck with VA ☺️

jacqueline, to random
@jacqueline@chaos.social avatar

oh okay

loops,

@jacqueline Get. The. App.

loops, to random

So I know I notice it more than most, it gets to me more than most but like

When did background music get so loud? Like, what's the point in it any more? I feel so old, but I'm in a diner, not a club, and my brain hurts but I just need food 😅

ryanc, to random

What's the opposite of "technical debt collector"?

loops,

@ryanc

A functional project?

A maintenance programmer?

A PO that knows how to incorporate quality into the roadmap?

loops, to neurodivergents

I can't do more than my best.

I need opportunities where that amount is acceptable - like, I accept it. I need the people around me to also accept it. Not everyone can be "the best", and that's ok. Teams should be diverse.

@neurodivergents

mattwilcox, to random
@mattwilcox@mstdn.social avatar

I like and used to read a lot of .

The sci-fi tapered off when so very much of it wasn't the "startrek happy society using tech to learn and grow" story but the "got to fight arseholes and 'gritty' realities" stuff.

I need positive stories, and I do not subscribe to the notion that good stories require conflict or cruelty. They do not. They require challenge and growth.

With that in mind. Any book recommendations?

Last "left me with warm fuzzies" was Legends & Lattes.

loops,

@mattwilcox yeah, I love Stormlight & Sanderson, but each Stormlight book is something I have to read slowly, veeeery slowly

Private
loops,

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic it's often a pretty external thing - I'm also very impulsive and have poor interoception, so often it's a retroactive realisation

My mum said when I was younger, that it's when I stop complaining that you gotta watch out for - I think that's a clear sign I'm no longer able to process

loops,

@apicultor @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic I interpreted the question as about how we know when we are regulated, becoming dysregulated, close to dysregulated and fully dysregulated, rather than a quantitative number on a scale.

For my part, knowing these things helps me know when I can assess my situation and change it or move so that I don't become more dysregulated.

loops, to neurodivergents

😮‍💨 I just had a conversation end poorly

my intent was decided for me

No room to correct that

I am the only authoratative source on my meaning and intent. It makes no sense to have me offer to clear something up and decide to keep hold of your misplaced hurt.

It's got to a point where I don't know how to engage with these people that are my friends. I'm accused of caring more about specific wordings than productive conversations but the moment I say something ambiguous, it's assumptions all around and no room for correction. I wouldn't even mind if I was just told what I'm supposed to say and I could go along with it, but of course one is supposed to "just know".

I don't understand these people that will go into a conversation completely uninterested in knowing a truth - for whom an assumption is enough and understanding of actuality outside their realm of care.

I was having such a good day, and that was a massive blow. I feel like no ND communucation is allowed - and the best part is, I'm too impulsive to do it any other way

Please stop deciding my intent and listen.

(tags follow)

@neurodivergents

Private
loops,

@actuallyadhd @neurodivergents floor cleaning update: currently picking up a package, then break for lunch 🙃

Private
loops,

@housepanther @bughuntercat @actuallyautistic I think it's important to keep in mind that not everyone has that ability to work by themselves, as it's often touted as a great solution for neurodivergent folks 😅

loops, to OCD

Hey neurodivergent friends - we've got a lot of good places to discuss across fedi and I've been thinking that we don't always have a place the share with each other across groups for specific conditions. Maybe there is and I just haven't found it yet 😅

At any rate, I made a group for us: @neurodivergents

I like that they have basic moderation, which can help conversations. I'm not trying to impose my own will on anyone, and I envision it as a self-governing community group

(groups / tags follow, non-exhaustive)

@actuallyautistic, @actuallyadhd, @actuallyautistics, @autisticadvocacy

squish, to random

I'm going to need to look at moving the VPS hosting for this. My current provider quietly set a status of "degraded VPS performance" 5 days ago, and has frozen updates to VPS configurations as well. This means I can't scale. In context this seems to explain why they ignored my last request to scale the VPS a month ago.

loops,

@squish thank you for the update! I hope you're well. I know organising it is another layer of hassle that you might not have spoons for, but I'm willing to help with what I can, if you do find the energy 😊

loops, to random

If you're a please stop confusing understanding or proclivity to agree for good communication.

"We won't be going further with you as a candidate; you aren't very good at communicating, the conversation did not flow"

'Ok, what do you mean by that?'

"It was hard to get answers from you for easy-to-understand questions"

'I didn't find them easy to understand; and I outlined for you why it was hard. Your colleague asked a much better question - which I was able to answer immediatley, and told you what you were looking to know'

"See, I get the feeling you're trying to teach me something. I've done this 1-200 times, I'm not new at it - it's still not flowing"

'I get the feeling you just want me to agree - now you understand why I had difficulty with the question, I communucated that effectivley to you right?'

"Yes"

'and wouldn't you say it's better communication that we establish a mutual understanding so that I can give you an accurate answer, instead of a confident guess at something I think you'll like?'

"No"

...wtf? Can anyone explain why that's not a good thing? Why someone would prefer a guess?

loops,

@izabelamisiak Well, quite

The question in question was "rate this skill on 1-5". I said, look, I find that very hard - because I admit I don't know how much there is to know. So I don't know where 5 is.

I wish people would just ask about what they actually care about: "Do you understand this tool?" / "Could you confidently explain how this system works?" etc.

loops,

@izabelamisiak Thank you, it's a genuine comfort 😊

loops,

@lapingvino you're describing what sounds like poor communication - not knowing, not admitting you don't know, and making a guess. I don't understand why that's preferable

You're suggesting I fill things in - genuine question - how would I do that if I lack the knowledge only the asker has, without asking for it?

britt, to random
@britt@mstdn.games avatar

My has been sick lately and they can’t quite pinpoint what’s going on.

I know, she’s 17 1/2… but I’ll never be ready for ‘that day’.

It’s been expensive, very expensive, but she’s worth it. She’s stable - just some lab work and symptoms that are unusual.

She’s been my little everything my entire adult life. We have a special bond.

We’re going to the vet again tomorrow for more tests — could you please keep my lil Mac in your thoughts? She’s the bestest baby.

Thanks 💜

loops,

@britt I know that not knowing can feel worse than knowing - have all the hugs you and Mac want / need 🫂 She's the bestest

loops, to random

I am not having a great day and I feel shitty

Thank you for listening, I needed to share

autism101, (edited ) to actuallyautistic
@autism101@mstdn.social avatar

Some autistic people find making phone calls extremely stressful and unpleasant and will avoid them at all costs.

Please don’t try and force your communication preferences on others.

image: https://shreyadoodles.com
@actuallyautistic

loops,

@oddhack see I don't see that as an issue with the fact it's a phone call, that's crappy service.

Your agents should be empowered and trained to understand customer issues and work up a solution in line with your company values imo

When you do say 'well can I talk to someone with the authority to address this', it boils down to 'no' - as if that makes the issue magically disappear, just because there isn't a line in the script for it istg 😅

@autism101 @actuallyautistic

dramypsyd, to random
@dramypsyd@ohai.social avatar

Your value as a human is not tied to your ability to contribute to capitalism 💜

loops,

@dramypsyd unfortunatley my inherent value as a human does not pay bills, which is required for my survival in order to continue being valuable as a human

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