Ich vermute ja seit einiger Zeit, dass ich maybe undiagnostiziert auf dem Autismus-Spektrum sein könnte. Ich habe ein paar Selbsttests gemacht, die in diese Richtung deuten. Aber es behindert mich nicht (mehr) stark. Ich leb ja nun auch schon 40+ mit mir und komme ganz gut klar. So, who knows... 🤷
Gestern habe ich aber einen Test gemacht, der von 3 Psycholog_innen entwickelt wurde, die selbst autistisch sind/waren, der #Monotropism ermittelt. Und was soll ich sagen... There's no denying.
Started reading about monotropism and wow, that does resonate. For instance, getting stuck on one thought in a meeting and if there's no right time to say it -- often there isn't as there's usually someone else to take the space -- it takes a while to let that thought go. When the topic shifts -- it might even be a relatively slight shift -- I have hard time getting on top of the new topic.
I was especially interested to read about how affect and motivation affect (no pun intended) attention. If something is interesting (positive affect), there's high motivation to work on that. If something isn't interesting (no positive affect), the motivation might be to cope in the situation. Then the actual situation flies past.
When I'm working on certain job or hobby projects, they are rewarding in themselves. I've got no problem staying focused on them even longer than I've reserved time. But then there are things such as meetings, lectures and talks where I often struggle to stay focused, especially if it's not super interesting.
In these situations, when the focus starts to get lost, my motivation shifts to trying to stay focused. I start missing what is being said. I can feel the tiredness approaching and I start pinching myself to stay awake. I register even less. I might start falling into hypnagogic state which has happened so many times that I've learned to doze off without my head falling.
I have to find new ways to focus in those situations. Or if it's not important for my work, to give myself permission to do something else such as doodle in my notebook.
@Sar The issue I have with quizzes like this is that they can lead to false positives. I am sure if I took this quiz, I would score “above average” but there is a huge difference between someone like me where fixation is indulgent, and I can easily pull myself out if needed, and someone whose fixation is dominant, thus is governed by it.
I have gone down rabbit holes, and I am undisciplined, but I can easily prioritize at need - and quizzes don’t account for that nuance.
@atanae I think for stuff like this you have to have the mindset of what would I usually do in a situation, or what is my best outcome for a given question.
For me for example, task switching when I'm in a flow state is incredibly annoying and irritating. Then getting back into that state is hard work sometimes, especially if I'm in a bad mood as a result of that interruption.
@autism101@actuallyautistic this is so me! I tend to really stick to things I enjoy amd that are a challenge. The reason I havent done this in the past seems to be keeping away from stuff I deeply enjoy (sounds weird, right?)
The outcome is that I learn very fast and solve problems fast but you just cant talk to me meanwhile, I wont listen. Afterward I need time to let go. Sometimes I need a reminder that something doesnt work rn.
This Friday (tomorrow) at 4pm, AMASE Chair @ferrous will be talking with Pete Wharmby, autistic author, about #autism, #writing, #education, #monotropism and all that sort of thing.
Tickets are free and open to anyone. This event will be recorded.
Generally I am on the small details side. But I saw a post about systems thinking today. When it comes to technical problems like software, data flow or a scientific hypothesis, I have the feeling I have everything simultaneously in my mind. All the small details, but all at once.
I want to write a bit more about the issue of "tech" being used as a catch all term for the computer and software industries and their specific products from my own point of view as an #ActuallyAutistic person.
I won't talk here for every autistic person but only through my own experience, so anyone with a different experience which mine doesn't seem to articulate, please chime in and give us your perspective if you can.
My autistic brain works in a near 100% conscious mode. I engage with things intellectually and with vivid awareness, or I can't engage at all.
This means that if I hear or read a term, everything I know about that term (or more precisely all of the neural structure of my brain referring to that term) starts firing in some kind of a "ready" mode. When I hear the word "tech", since its a very broad term, my brain starts recalling every possible connotation of that word that I know of, until the context it's used in becomes clear so it can disregard the unused portion of the entirety of possible paths from "tech".
This uses an enormous amount of energy, both to load and to unload, and I kind of feel it happen. My blood pressure changes, sugar levels fluctuate, stress hormones and their inhibitors get released.
And all of the effects of these physiological processes create their own vivid emotions and feelings.
When someone is talking about pieces of software, within the actual context of software, using the term software, this isn't jarring to me as the amount of activity triggered in my brain perfectly coincides with the actual usage I get out of it. There's still an enormous amount of information potentially useless for that specific conversation, but there's time, and the extras are still close to the useful context so thinking out of the box solutions and new ideas become easy, which is at least satisfactory, if exhausting.
When someone says "tech" but talks about specific programming languages, my brain first gets ready to talk about any possible piece about the anthropological phenomenon of technology, then immediately is forced to switch to the "programming languages" category, which also triggers the software category because in order for my brain to do the conscious translation from "technology" to "programming language" it has to go through the "software technologies" category which sits between "tech" and "programming languages".
As I said earlier, this is jarring, exhausting and very uncomfortable.
This is what NT psychologists mean when they say "autistic people take things literally."
What that remark doesn't reveal is the mechanism that manifests this result.
I don't "take" things literally. I just consciously engage with every possible literal or non-literal connotation of a word until the context is apparent and my brain can settle itself into the needed part and filter out the rest.
I think they just operate on "vibes" unless they absolutely need the precision. Vague notions and a semi-coherent context is enough to communicate because most communication serves the purpose of social currency transaction anyway.
In fact, I believe that when autistic people talk to NTs with the intent of precise transfer of coherent information like we always do, it feels bossy and demanding to NT people because there's no room for the interpersonal relationship between them and the autistic person, rendering them unable to insert their own personality into the interpretation of the information you're giving. From their perspective, the autistic person isn't leaving enough room for the other person's personality and their place within the social structure, thus making them feel invisible.
Which is precisely what their behavior does to us in group settings.
I’ve talked w my family a bit about this. I suppose our approach seems as foreign to them as the other way round. But it’s WILD to me.
And I guess that’s something that helps me understand my intrinsic differences with more clarity, esp during imposter syndrome junk. I’ll never feel that vibe with anyone in those same contexts. But I’m early in trying to unmask so I’m hopeful [edit: …that I’ll find it in other spaces 🤗]
https://monotropism.org/ hosts resources created & maintained by #ActuallyAutistic individuals & features evidence-based #AutismResearch. They hope for fuller #autism understanding & on-topic language development by focusing on the concept of #monotropism: a phenomenon that seems to pervade those on the autism spectrum. Quote: "monotropic minds tend to have their attention pulled more strongly towards a smaller number of interests at any given time, leaving fewer resources for other processes," which may serve as a partial foundation of full understanding of the autism spectrum.
Monotropism is basically a tendency to have tightly focused attention/interest at any given time, and is a leading theory of Autism, explaining more of the standard Autistic traits without assuming deficits than most mainstream theories
@ferrous There’s a strong connection between the Autism/ADHD overlap and monotropism – in our hyperfocus and inability to direct our attention as we might (more research needed here)
The slowness of monotropism to catch on as a theory among mainstream researchers is probably because it’s not a simple answer – it requires thought
https://monotropism.org/ was recently shared to me by a friend. The site hosts resources created by #ActuallyAutistic individuals, is maintained by them, and features evidence-based #AutismResearch with goals of understanding #autism more fully, and developing language to better discuss it. They focus on the concept of #monotropism as a phenomenon that seems to pervade those on the autism spectrum. A direct quote: "monotropic minds tend to have their attention pulled more strongly towards a smaller number of interests at any given time, leaving fewer resources for other processes," which may serve as a partial foundation of full understanding of the autism spectrum.
^ This website is CHOCK full of amazing resources including actual scientific studies, WIP self-diagnosis aids, FREE ADULT ASSSESSMENT HANDBOOK, etc...! (I found the "Updates" tab very useful.)
Additionally, their monotropism questionnaire has been translated into web format: https://dlcincluded.github.io/MQ/ As someone pursuing adult dx, this was a very empowering and encouraging tool for me! The questions are quite well crafted, and it only took a few minutes to confirm "yes I seem rather autistic." (Note: the site does not scrape any data from you, and is not meant to be a full self-diagnosis tool.)
@NudelnAlDente Too real! One of my friends described an aspect of my love language as "just existing nearby" because of that factor. :inbredlaughtig:
"Ohhh look who has graced us with their presence," is a common joke, but folks that really know me realize how much that means. "I can actually exist here comfortably."
@Raegn Oh I totally get that. I once told my partner that "Being with you is the closest thing to being by myself." Not sure if most people would view that as a compliment but it's the biggest one I can give. 🥰
The team at Spectrum Gaming have put together this fantastic child-friendly web site to help people understand what #autism is, and what it means for all of us.
I contributed a couple of bits to this myself, on #monotropism and spiky profiles. I'm one of a large number of contributors, whose work had to pass by an editorial panel of young autistic people.
I really, really hope that before too long, this is the kind of thing that young people will come across first when they look up autism. There's so much work to be done to push aside the unhelpful narratives of autism that have dominated for so long. https://autismunderstood.co.uk/