Please don't #lightitupblue as it supports the awful #autismspeaks that has always seen autism as a 'disease' to be 'cured' and among many, many other issues, in their current '100 Day Kit for Parents' they advise parents of recently diagnosed autistic children to 'grieve for the loss of their non-autistic child' as if we are changelings that killed the 'real' child and replaced them. Please #lightitupred or gold instead
@actuallyautistic
I’m in the middle of a big move to a small rental & I almost missed Late-Identified AuDHD’s first birthday. ALMOST!
About thirty minutes to midnight I looked at my bookshelf, saw my 1st copy, remembered I forgot to do a cover reveal for the upcoming second edition, and decided to celebrate with a post and a Reese’s egg.
@actuallyautistic@Adhdinos
Late to announce, but Late-Identified AuDHD one years old today AND is getting a title update and a new cover this year. Cover was designed for the second edition by 100Covers.
since am one of those #ActuallyAutistic people Dx at the tender age of 50 (yes, 50. and yes am older now, shut up), am not acquainted with the american rituals of national days or awareness months involving autism.
On one hand, it’s nice to see that we can have noice-canceling headphones, selective earplugs and other kinds of solutions to help #autistic and other #neurodivergent folks to reduce sensory overload in public places, but I can’t help but think that we should address the problem from the other side: to not create that overload to begin with.
Ok, I get the need for bright light in a shop: you really want to see what you’re buying, you want to choose a fruit/veggie without signs of spoiling, be able to read the label clearly etc.
But all that loud music? Is there really any value in it for the stores? Why do they keep playing it? Were there some actual real studies that have shown that putting on music increases sales?
Like, I have seen many times(and was myself) people leaving store sooner, even without the things they went for, because they couldn’t stand that loud music anymore, but I haven’t seen anyone actually staying in a shopping mall longer because they liked music or something.
So, is there any actual profit for stores in it, or are they just doing that because everyone is used to it?
Does also anyone know if there have been any studies/works on the sensory overload modern cities put on people and ways to reduce it without making things harder for other members of society? @actuallyautistic
The reason autistic people identify as LGBTQI more than allistic people is a mystery still but the theory that we "just don't give a shit" is strongly endorsed in the comments. #Autism#autistic#neurodiverse#lgbtqi#ActuallyAutistic
@olena@ideogram Gender is easy to understand as an #autistic. There are two sets of unwritten rules. One of them you are supposed to VERY MUCH and the other one you are supposed to NEVER. This is supposed to be very important to you for reasons and it's supposed to be obvious to you which set of behaviors you want to do. Violating these unwritten rules is punished even more severely than violating the regular unwritten rules because these are more important.
@olena@ideogram That said, not everyone who is #autistic is like that. One of my #ActuallyAutistic children has a very strong sense of gender and asked me a lot of questions about what they* could do and not do when they were little. I don't relate at all, but it makes them happy and it doesn't seem to hurt them at all, so good for them.
This is a question that I ask myself often, probably because of the trauma I suffered.
I believe this concern about whether I am an asshole comes from innumerable times when I was unjustly labeled an asshole. Over time, I internalized the accuser’s voices, and now I ask myself whether I am, in fact, an asshole.
Let me tell you a little story. About two weeks and a half ago, I had a great date with a submissive girl. She was about all I wanted in a partner. She was autistic, like I am. Her autistic traits were different from my own. We had a wonderful weekend together. When I asked her how she felt, she said that she felt content. These were her words.
At the end of our date, a crisis happened in her family. Her family is not anywhere nearby. Still, it was a serious situation. The last I heard from her was that she had arrived home safely. Then, she went silent. I have not heard from her since our date. Is she okay? Is the crisis over? Did she travel several states away to be with her family? I have no idea.
When things like this happen, my mind goes into high gear. She was content. I gave her my all. I was kind. Still… did I… did I manage to put her off somehow? Did I do something that I did not notice? Am I the asshole?
Lest you think that I’m being dramatic with the worry about doing things that I did not notice, I’ll remind you that I’m now divorced, due, mostly, to my ex-wife not being able to handle my autistic traits. If she was annoyed with me, she’d glare. I would not be able to read her glares. Then she’d accuse me of deliberately ignoring her glares. Conversely, I accuse her of imagining that she glared. Yes, I’m quite capable of unwittingly putting off people, even ND people. My ex-wife has ADHD.
I’d like to think that I would act superbly in all possible situation. Alas, I know that’s not the case. I have sometimes not acted superbly. I was not acting like a monster, but I still managed to hurt people around me, sometimes the very people that I adored. I’ve sometimes managed to be the asshole.
I think as a response to the trauma that I suffered, and the fact that I don’t always act superbly, my brain likes to compare my actual behavior to that of complete shitbags. I can’t help it. That’s how my brain works.
Let me give you an example. During the date with the girl above, we went to have coffee. We sat at a table, and we chatted for a bit and drank. She pulled out her phone, and started reading a manga. I’ve been in the NT world long enough to know that if she had been on a date with an NT individual, that person would have interpreted it as her not being interested in the date. For my part, I did not make a fuss. I just continued talking to her, and enjoying her company.
Something similar happened later when I proposed to watch a movie. She said she was reading. I thought she meant that she did not want to watch the movie. No biggie. A bit later, I suggested putting on a TV show, because I had figured that perhaps the specific movie I had picked was not titillating her. She said she was still reading but that I could put it on and that she had the ability to watch TV and read at the same time.
Fair enough, I don’t have this multitasking capability. Let’s go back to the episode at the coffee shop. Would it have served me anything to get angry? No. Both episodes, however, would have been likely to cause ire in an NT person. Yes, I compare my behavior to those of NT folks. Again, I can’t help it. I don’t decide to do this. It just happens. What I do decide to do is to not engage in those destructive behaviors.
I sometimes wonder if I am going to be the asshole, even in situations that haven’t happened yet. I’m pansexual, but I’ve been with exactly one man. He is trans too. We had a nice couple of days together, but prior to this happening, I was wondering… Would I say or do something to turn him off. I had never been in that situation before. So I was comparing myself, again, to dirtbags. Was I going to be the asshole when we’d be together?
I was once explaining to a group of people that someone had ghosted me after one night of sex, but that I had decided not to go after her. Those people took me to task immediately. Why would I even decide not to go after her, unless I were some sort of monster who does actually stalk people. Hmm… let provide an explanation. First, as I said above, I cannot help compare myself to dirtbags. I don’t decide this. Second, I’m a software engineer. I’ve actually done things that would allow me to stalk someone if I wanted to. Doing those things does not require mental effort. I’ve not stalked anyone, but I could super easily do it if I wanted to.
I have an expression for what those people did to me: karmic shaming. People think of karma as this special force, but it is really just the conditioning that we receive as we grow up. I have the karma of someone who compares himself to shitbags. I also have the karma of a software engineer. This is my conditioning. I cannot help it. Shaming me about having this karma is not helpful.
I’m usually not the asshole, but I keep asking myself, even in situations where I shouldn’t: am I, in fact, the asshole? Did I do something I did not notice?
I’ve been streaming the tv series “ER” from the beginning lately, and the more I think about Peter Benton as a character the more I think he was probably an undiagnosed #autistic.
He’s hyper-focused on his chosen subject; he expects everyone else to be as focused as he is; he‘ll often talk to people while walking away from them; and he has very little instinct for office politics and personal relationships.
My partner thinks he’s just arrogant, but they sometimes think the same about me, too.
Can we please have some consumer EU legislation that will prohibit making clothes with labels that can’t be easily removed? I don’t even want to know what goes in heads of those designers who slap a piece with metallic thread right at that spot below your neck that is always touching and sews it there in a way that it can’t be removed without damaging the clothes. It’s just #autistic nightmare, and it’s so completely useless!!!
Or am I the only one struggling? @actuallyautistic
"...a large fraction of the country does not follow the news. Not on TV, not in newspapers, and not on the Internet. They are busy living their lives and politics is simply not important to them."
This insight may come as a revelation.
We easily forget that the community we choose is different from that of the general population. My community on #Mastodon includes the masto-cognoscenti, #writers, #authors, #artists, #photographers, the #autistic, #neurodivergent, people into #SF, #fantasy, and #fanfiction, as well as political activism. Your community probably varies from mine, as does your follow list.
We see the world differently.
Why does it feel like the voting public is so easily swayed or conned by bad candidates or bad ideas? Not all people think way we do, or the way our chosen communities do. The above quote is from the linked article.
Keeping this all in mind, this insight provides...
a basis for strategies to change how the public thinks. We can't expect our arguments to work for them, nor that they're listening to the channels we use to promote our ideas
a reason to re-humanize our thinking about the 99% who, gasp, aren't stupid after all. Instead they're struggling, occupied making life work, or simply disinterested. We can let go of our anger and think rationally.
I'm super proud of my fellow BFS committee members E.M. Faulds & David Green for being so open & vulnerable about what it's like to be a neurodiverse writer. I already posted Beth's piece, but as we continue the BFS's celebration of Neurodiversity Week , here BFS Secretary David Green is searingly honest about what it’s like to be autistic and a writer—especially one who writes about neurodiverse characters.
That headspace where I’m watching a documentary on Juggalos and finding myself thinking … “fuck, I think I may be into this #ICP thing after all”
Noticed I was maintaining the same opinion I formed twenty years ago, and it’s maybe time to re-evaluate. I’m finding some really interesting contrasts.
With #autistic#masking, my past avoidance of the subculture makes perfect sense. Very similar past-tolerance / new-affinity feeling as I’ve found for #furry folks
I’m a cis male, but my autistic traits correlate with those of cis female individuals.
The study of autism is plagued with sexism, even to this day. There is definitely more awareness of the problem nowadays, but the prevalent view of how autism presents in people is largely based on antiquated stereotypes. If you are white, male, and you annoy your parents, you are more likely to get diagnosed by the professionals, than if you are not white, not male, and manage to mask your autism.
(A quick note on my terminological choices. I have no idea how being trans or nonbinary may affect autistic presentation. I don’t mean to exclude, but I also don’t want to speak about things that I’m not familiar with. I’m sorry about this.)
I believe now that my own deceased mother was autistic too, but went undiagnosed because of this sexism. She was bipolar, and alcoholic. These are often the conditions that women who are not diagnosed experience. She was treated for both conditions, but no treatment took. These treatments did not take, because they were dealing with the symptoms of autism, without dealing with the autism itself.
Early on in my research about autism, I came upon this site:
I’ve taken many of the self-assessment tests there, and I always end up neurotypical or borderline autistic. The DSM-5 is not helpful either. Actually, I think it is a step back from the online self-assessment tests. No psychiatrist of mine has ever suggested autism as an explanation for my mental troubles. I’ll remind you that I’m self-diagnosed.
Fediverse user @ImmedicableME recently posted a link to this page:
It is not the first time I find that the female presentation of autism is more reflective of how I present, too. In the book Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, the author talks of a period of time during which doctors talked about male and female autism. When I was reading this book, I could easily see my traits listed among those that doctors assigned to females.
In fiction, too, I find myself closer to the female autistic characters than the male ones. I am nothing like Rain Man, or Sheldon Cooper. I’m not rude, nor do I have an obsession with trains. The character I compare myself readily to is Quinni from Heartbreak High, an autistic girl.
For the record, I do not think that it is scientifically valid, or useful to talk about “male” and “female” autism anymore. I do not have a problem with the page I linked to above, which gives a list of traits generally linked with being female. It is important to raise the awareness that autism in females may present differently than the stereotypes.
However, once the awareness has been raised, it is better to drop the labels male and female. I am a cis male who presents mostly like a female. I think, just like my mother was undiagnosed because she did not present the male stereotype, so am I have been undiagnosed by the professionals because I do not present as the male stereotype either. Still, again, once I’ve given this explanation, I no longer want to use the binary to explain autism.
Now, I don’t have a great explanation for why I present the way I do. I suspect the pressure of living with a narcissistic father are partially to blame. I sometimes say that I don’t experience meltdowns, but this is not correct. I do experience them, but very rarely. My father, however, is an expert at triggering meltdowns in me. He knows exactly what buttons to push. Therefore, to avoid presenting too big an opportunity to him to press my buttons, I’ve learned to camouflage my autism.
My mother’s and my case are direct examples of how sexism hinders our access to medical care. We’ve both been bitten in the ass because of our manifestation of symptoms did not conform to the stereotype.