markwyner, to dadjokes
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

I don’t tell dad jokes very often.

But when I do, he laughs.

QasimRashid, to dadjokes
@QasimRashid@mastodon.social avatar

Ayesha: Making garlic shrimp for Iftar…Do you prefer brown rice or white rice?

Me: If I say white rice would that be…ricist? 😅

Ayesha: 🤦🏽‍♀️ No Iftar for you

Me: 😳😅 Worth it

etchedpixels, to dadjokes
@etchedpixels@mastodon.social avatar

The Boeing CEO has resigned

Apparently they showed him the door, and having taken one look at it he decided he didn't want to stay on board.

evelynefoerster, to dadjokes
@evelynefoerster@swiss.social avatar


I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since.

evelynefoerster, to dadjokes
@evelynefoerster@swiss.social avatar


I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust!

markwyner, to dadjokes
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

Nurse: your next patient says he’s invisible.

Doctor: well, tell him I can’t see him right now.

markwyner, to dadjokes
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

I discovered that I have an elevator phobia.

So I’m taking steps to avoid them.

Webwasp, to Humor
@Webwasp@mas.to avatar
daddyjoker, to dadjokes
@daddyjoker@mastodon.online avatar

A slice of pie is $1.50 in Jamaica.
$2 in the Bahamas.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

maylees_internet, to memes

I told my wife that the milkman said he had shagged every woman in our road except one!!

“I bet it’s the snooty bitch at number twenty three,” she replied.

#hilarious #memes #dadjokes

markwyner, to dadjokes
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

What color is the wind?

Blew.

markwyner, to dadjokes
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

Crocodiles can grow up to 6 feet.

But they usually only grow 4.

EricIndiana, to Humor
@EricIndiana@mastodon.social avatar
etchedpixels, to dadjokes
@etchedpixels@mastodon.social avatar

The superfood secret that got Queen Elizabeth into her 90s has been revealed

It's long reign rice

markwyner, to dadjokes
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

Dam!

ned, to dadjokes

Q: How do you make holy water?

A: You boil the hell out of it.

evelynefoerster, to dadjokes
@evelynefoerster@swiss.social avatar


"I used to hate facial hair...but then it grew on me."

evelynefoerster, to dadjokes
@evelynefoerster@swiss.social avatar


"I've got a great joke about construction, but I'm still working on it."

markwyner, to dadjokes
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

Not the best rainbow I’ve ever seen.

But it’s definitely up there.

redcrew, to random
@redcrew@mstdn.social avatar

What candy do you eat on the playground?

Recess pieces.

NeadReport,
@NeadReport@vivaldi.net avatar
markwyner, to dadjokes
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

Have you heard about the dyslexic devil worshiper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

enobacon, to dadjokes
@enobacon@urbanists.social avatar

10yo wanted to know which partner in a queer relationship would propose marriage, so I told her this depends more on character traits when you're not subscribing to gender roles, like usually one person is the spider-smasher and the other is very much not. Apparently this is hilarious and also qualifies as , which is itself a state of mind regardless of gender, IMO.

markwyner, to dadjokes
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

Interviewer: why do you think you’d be a good waiter?

Applicant: you could say I bring a lot to the table.

markwyner, to dadjokes
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

I just watched a documentary about beavers.

It was the best dam movie I’ve ever seen.

travisfw, to dadjokes
@travisfw@fosstodon.org avatar

Would you remind me what to call ice cream with espresso poured over?

Because affogato.

🙄

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