markwyner, 1 month ago to dadjokes

Wanna hear a joke about paper?

Never mind. It’s tearable.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

ai6yr, 1 month ago to random

Ethernet lesson 2 for the day. Kinking solid CAT6 most certainly will break conductors. Luckily, this was at the end of the run next to the wall. #Ethernet

markwyner, 1 month ago to dadjokes

The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line.

Only a fraction of people will understand this.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Math

wmj1102, 1 month ago to Funny

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s OK, he woke up. #Funny #Comedy #Humor #Puns #DadJokes

markwyner, 1 month ago to dadjokes

What do you call people who teach anonymously on Mastodon?

Private tooters.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Mastodon #Toot

GriffinGroup, 2 months ago to puns

My wife told our son not to play with electricity...

Now he’s grounded.

#Puns #DadJokes

That_One_Guy, 2 months ago to dadjokes

A mole family was foraging for food one day and came upon a garden.

Papa mole popped up and said, "I smell peas." 🫛

Mama mole popped up next to him and said, "I smell carrots." 🥕

Baby mole, who was too short and couldn't quite get up said, "Well, all I smell is molasses." 😁

#dadjokes #badjokes

markwyner, 2 months ago to dadjokes

Two guys walk into a bar.

You’d think the second would’ve ducked.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

markwyner, 2 months ago to dadjokes

A termite walks into a bar.

He says “is the bar tender here?”

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

markwyner, 2 months ago to dadjokes

Why can’t you trust an atom?

Because they make up everything.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Science

markwyner, 2 months ago to dadjokes

Agent: do you need to check any bags?

Photon: no thanks, I’m traveling light.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Science

markwyner, 2 months ago to dadjokes

What do you call embarrassed dads?

Faux pas.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

mikemathia, 2 months ago to dadjokes

#DadJokes

evelynefoerster, 2 months ago to dadjokes

#dadjokes
What's brown and sticky? A stick.

evelynefoerster, 2 months ago to dadjokes

#dadjokes
You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

PixelBandits, 2 months ago to VideoGames

Do you like (or know somebody who would like):

#VideoGames
#Gaming
#RetroGaming
#LiveStream events where you get to impact the stream
#DadJokes
#PlayStation
#Inclusion and #Safe spaces

If so, come join me, a mediocre 90s-loving dad sharing a love of gaming with a wonderful community.

Any shares very much appreciated.

https://twitch.tv/pixelbandits

etchedpixels, 2 months ago to dadjokes

We are supposed to "be the change you want to see"

So I am dressing as a fifty pound note.

#dadjokes

QasimRashid, 2 months ago to dadjokes

—Recent Media Interview—

Journalist: How would you describe yourself?

Me: I dunno, I guess, handsome, 5'10'', Dad bod—

Journalist: No, no I mean like, what do you do for a living?

Me: Oh...yes I suppose that makes more sense. Human rights lawyer.

Wife: [whispers] I can't believe you said that to her

Me: [whispers back] Well I'm not wrong. 😅 And she shoulda been more specific.
#DadJokes

markwyner, 2 months ago to dadjokes

Where do pirates get their hooks?

Second hand stores.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #HarrrdyHarrr #Pirates

markwyner, 2 months ago to dadjokes

After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?

Because he had a ton of sick beets.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

markwyner, 2 months ago to dadjokes

I don’t trust stairs.

They’re always up to something.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

dgar, 2 months ago to dadjokes

It’s #FollowFriday and I #FollowBack so #Follow me for a #FridayFollow this #Friday.

If you have an #introduction toot pinned on your profile that you’d like boosted, #comment “IntroBoost” below, and I’ll give you a #boost to help you connect with the community.

If you #FollowMe you can expect #DadJokes, bad #puns, and original #IndieMusic so I look forward to connecting with you, and connecting you to a wider #community.

Also, follow @PixysJourney, who is an outstanding Mastodonian!
🫶🤗

markwyner, 2 months ago to dadjokes

Wind turbine 1: what’s your favorite genre of music?

Wind turbine 2: I’m a big metal fan.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Metal #Music

GriffinGroup, 2 months ago to puns

Science puns make me numb...

Math puns make me number.

#Puns #DadJokes

reverentgeek, 2 months ago to dadjokes

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? #dadjoke #dadjokes