@michelestrider@mastodon.social
@michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

michelestrider

@michelestrider@mastodon.social

I chronicle the adventures of my imaginary friends.
https://amzn.to/3BBqv7B

Sometimes, I write as my imaginary friend John Anders Erickson. https://bit.ly/3KXcMwE

Formerly hotgingermess on the bird site.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

michelestrider, to random
@michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

Time to move your self-aware meatsack in opposition to gravity again. There's coffee.

michelestrider, to random
@michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

Stress Eating, Hormonal Binging, or Just Hungry: A Memoir

michelestrider, to random
@michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

If you want to read, rate, review, or buy the film rights, my latest book is on sale now.

And, y'all, it's a little weird. Big shock.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CG7FSHG3

michelestrider, to random
@michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

There's a salmonella outbreak because we, collectively, cannot stop kissing tiny turtles.

If this is what takes us out as a species, I'm good with it.

https://thehill.com/policy/healthcare/4166919-cdc-warns-against-kissing-small-turtles-over-salmonella-risk/

donni, to random
@donni@mastodon.social avatar

Be like a cat. Hiss at strangers. Eat your own hair. Live your best life

michelestrider,
@michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

@donni On it. I've got a ragged fingernail and a sofa that's been pissing me off.

michelestrider, to random
@michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

People who eat garlic on planes will be the first against the wall when the revolution comes.

michelestrider,
@michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

@devxvda Yes. That only makes sense.

michelestrider, to random
@michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

Cheers to everyone who has that Suave song in their head right now

dgar, to random
@dgar@aus.social avatar

Me: In Australia, it’s a lift.

Them: In the US, we call them elevators.

Me: I guess we were just… raised differently.

michelestrider,
@michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

@dgar I wish I could put a lovely little gold-foil star on your forehead for this.

Alice, (edited ) to random
@Alice@beige.party avatar

People sometimes try to tell me that I’m not actually awkward and that I just THINK I’m awkward and to that I say…

michelestrider,
@michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

@Alice stop making me horny and jealous, you temptress

lowqualityfacts, to random
@lowqualityfacts@mstdn.social avatar

That makes sense.
https://patreon.com/lowqualityfacts

michelestrider,
@michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

@lowqualityfacts This totally recontexualizes Cruella de Vil

Skepticat, to random
@Skepticat@mstdn.social avatar

deleted_by_author

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    michelestrider,
    @michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

    @Skepticat Slap on a giant hair bow and you're the most fashionable girl in church.

    Alice, to random
    @Alice@beige.party avatar

    I had a friend who lost their arm in an accident and I was low-key jealous because it’s probably way more comfortable sleeping on your side when you don’t have a dumb arm getting in the way.

    michelestrider,
    @michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

    @Alice And you could carry cans of Pringles in your empty shirt sleeves. Slip 'em right in there for a handy (sorry) snack.

    Popehat, to random

    Totally forgot I got outed as an antifa lawyer last night.

    michelestrider,
    @michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

    @Popehat Does the black balaclava go under the shirt collar or pull down over the tie knot?

    zalasur, to random
    @zalasur@mastodon.surazal.net avatar

    This is your periodic reminder that the cursed monkey's paw will absolutely let you wish for more wishes

    michelestrider,
    @michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

    @zalasur It's always been unclear to me -- Is it the paw of a monkey who was cursed prior to the amputation or can one just curse any old monkey paw?

    lowqualityfacts, to random
    @lowqualityfacts@mstdn.social avatar

    July was the hottest month on record. So here's some tips on how to stay safe in the heat:

    -Do not look directly at the sun. The sun interprets this as a challenge, and will become hotter to assert dominance.

    -Cover your body in slugs. Each slug will lower your body temperature by a third of a degree.

    -Crawl around on all fours instead of walking. Heat rises, so you want to stay as low as possible.

    -Remove the various tubs of ice cream from your freezer to make room for yourself.

    michelestrider,
    @michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

    @lowqualityfacts I did look at my deep freezer the other day and think "reverse hot tub." I feel seen. Thank you.

    lowqualityfacts, to random
    @lowqualityfacts@mstdn.social avatar

    This is why I could never live in Europe.
    https://patreon.com/lowqualityfacts

    michelestrider,
    @michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

    @lowqualityfacts I'm sad to confirm that the French do, in fact, exist. Vive les grenouilles!

    RickiTarr, to random
    @RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

    Tuesday Question Time!

    I enjoyed the conversation from my previous toot so much, let's keep it going:

    What do other people think about the place you live?

    VS

    What do you personally think about the place you live?

    What are the stereotypes vs how is it to actually live there?

    michelestrider,
    @michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

    @Alice @RickiTarr I did PR for Oakland Zoo for a hot minute and I swear half of my job was reminding people from Berkeley how great Oakland is.

    Alice, to random
    @Alice@beige.party avatar

    Celebrating three years of me and my husband living AND working from a studio apartment which is pretty much thirty years in married years.

    michelestrider,
    @michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

    @Alice I am beyond impressed.

    cpoliticditto, to random
    @cpoliticditto@mas.to avatar

    deleted_by_author

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    michelestrider,
    @michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

    @cpoliticditto Beer, beer, truck, truck, Applebee's. Nightmare. I'm so sorry.

    Alice, to random
    @Alice@beige.party avatar

    People in Europe will make fun of Americans and their obsession with ranch dressing while simultaneously serving fried potatoes with fifteen different types of mayonnaise.

    Not throwing shade. Just want to acknowledge that we’re all gross.

    michelestrider,
    @michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

    @Alice How I envy your beautiful mind

    lowqualityfacts, to random
    @lowqualityfacts@mstdn.social avatar

    Country singer: gets off their private jet, has their butler pop open a bottle of Dom Pérignon, walks onto stage adorned in $100,000 worth of jewelry

    Country fans: Hmm I fear they might be a city slicker.

    Country singer: Driving a tractor through my small town, wearing jeans and drinking beer.

    Country fans: Oops false alarm, that's an authentic country boy right there.

    michelestrider,
    @michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

    @lowqualityfacts chef's kiss perfection

    lowqualityfacts, to random
    @lowqualityfacts@mstdn.social avatar

    As it should be.
    https://patreon.com/lowqualityfacts

    michelestrider,
    @michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

    @lowqualityfacts And agony is derigeuer

    Alice, to random
    @Alice@beige.party avatar

    This is a big day for Mastodon!

    My longtime friend and past coworker, @kelleygreene, just joined the beige.party! She is absolutely hilarious and you are going to love her, so please go follow her!

    michelestrider,
    @michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

    @Alice @kelleygreene The Pacifica Taco Bell background photo won me over. Follow!

    gbhnews, (edited ) to movies
    @gbhnews@mastodon.social avatar

    And now for the daily .

    You're going to watch a movie that's so bad it's funny. You choose:

    Pls put your "so bad it's good" movie recommendations in replies.

    michelestrider,
    @michelestrider@mastodon.social avatar

    @gbhnews Grease 2. There is no reason. There is no excuse. But we have it, so we might as well embrace it.

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