@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

TheBreadmonkey

@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party

Hi, I'm Ben.

I'm a heady mix of a serious responsible grown up man and a stupid man-baby idiot with delusions of grandeur.

I'm a big nerd, really into music, cooking, books, films and scifi. I hate/love running and generally love being outdoors.

🌱

He/Him

https://justmytoots.com/thebreadmonkey@beige.party

#nobot #noarchive #noindex #nobridge

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TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

We have a thousand alcohol-consuming teenagers descending on us tonight. They think they're so clever by always referring to these things as 'gatherings'. WE KNOW IT'S A PARTY, WE'RE NOT STUPID. So I just have to make half a dozen pizzas then have been told I must go away and pretend I don't exist. So that's nice. Actually it is nice. It should mean we get to hide out and just watch TV whilst they destroy the house and I have to deal with the aftermath of that in the morning. Hooray!

Jamie Demetriou as a South African tech guy. He's in a sports jacket, shirt and glasses and is aggressively talking to an elderly chap out of shot in his living room.

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Two young chaps behind me on way back from bank (long story - I borrowed money from youngests jar, thinking I was being really clever and cutting out the need to go to the bank by simply switching it with cash back from the supermarket which they apparently DO NOT DO without a card, thus beginning a Mission Impossible style dash to the bank and back before she returns from school) talking about a night out they had last night in a sort of South London call and response...

It was sick bruv
Bruv! It was sick
Ah! It was so SICK bruv
Bruv, it was literally sick
IT WAS SO SICK bruv
BRUV! 'TWAS SICKNESS INDEED
Etc forever

18+ TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

This is sort of fascinating and mad. There's now a millennial Saint in what appears to be a shellsuit, they're calling 'God's Influencer'...

https://www.rte.ie/news/world/2024/0524/1450972-carlo-acutis-vatican/

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@JackTheCat

Lol. I love the fact this was a kid and you could literally say...

Monty Python Life of Brian. Terry Jones in ancient Roman-wear leaning out of a window and shouting He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy. Now go away!

DJDarren, to random
@DJDarren@mendeddrum.org avatar

With great deliberation, I’ve decided that next Monday’s edition of #ThePlaylist shall have the theme of…

Animals

Animals are great, and there’s loads of them that people have written songs about. So fling your suggestions my way and let’s see if we can’t put together the best animals-related radio show the world has ever seen.

Monday / 8-10pm BST / https://labr.online / @labr

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@DJDarren @labr

My kneejerk reaction - like straight out of the gate, was Henry Mancini Baby Elephant Walk or Herb Alpert with Spanish Flea. But I'm not so sure others will particularly want to listen to that sort of thing. And assume others will pick Pearl Jam and Suede, so will go.... War Pigs - Faith No More version just to be contrary!

Mike Patton and chums doing their thing on stage

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@DJDarren

Lol. I changed my mind. Annoyingly there are quite a lot of songs competing in my head, but the Rock Lobster ultimately defeated the Pigs of War.

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@DJDarren

Oh no! Don't tell me that! I'll be here all day. OK then, just one or two....

Tusk / Albatross (Fleetwood Mac)
Human Fly (Cramps) / Fly Life Xtra (B Jaxx)
Crazy Horses / Horse With No Name / Goodbye Horses

I'm going to tap out early on this, because it'll literally absorb me for the rest of the morning otherwise. Good luck with the show! I'll be listening (this seems creepier than I meant).

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Big news for South London

https://www.newsshopper.co.uk/news/24335757.world-naked-bike-ride-returns-london-next-month/

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

I would quite like to never sleep again. Instead, reading the news and making silly comments forever. Sadly my body is crying out for reprieve, screaming at me that I must slumber, lest all be lost to the vortex of madness or something. So I'm tapping out. But know this. I love you all in a deeply weird and sexy way. BYE FOR NOW. X

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Feelin' very happy and positive tonight, chums. Beaming you all the absolute best. In a totally disgusting way. Right up and all over your FACES. TAKE IT. TAKE MY JOY. Sorry, I'm just a bit overexcited. But I do genuinely wish you well. Have it.

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

I can't be the first person to think of this, but surely SURELY there must be an effective way of managing/recalibrating mental wellbeing that doesn't involve running around and up and down hills and all over the place. Like one of those weird machines from the 80s where you stand on a little platform and strap a rubber band around your waist and it just vibrates you into oblivion. Where have those gone? Perhaps if I strapped my head into one for half an hour I might get some of the same benefit?

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

I think it would be really funny if the porn actress talked liked Foghorn Leghorn.

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@RickiTarr

I will always think of this...

https://youtu.be/dI6ZkTjBixg

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@RickiTarr

It's Natasha Demetriou (What We Do In The Shadows) as an ASMR person saying stuff like "Hello, is that the cheese shop? I'm still waiting for my big wheel of brie." but then switches to her normal voice, which is a load broad Northern voice, which arguably is the UK equivalent of Foghorn Leghorn. Very silly. I also can't stand ASMR.

eclectech, to random
@eclectech@things.uk avatar

It's time to get organised for the Friday Sparkly Dance Party!

Here's what you need to do if you'd like to join in:

  1. Pick a dance (all 50 so far are below)
  2. Film yourself doing the dance step a few times
  3. Upload the clip to Mastodon, tagging me in and noting the dance number
  4. Have a laugh with it, it's just for a bit of silly fun 🕺 💃

1 / 4

A vertical grid of 15 blocks of different colours, each numbered (1-15). Each box contains a simple animated black and white figure doing something resembling a dance move.
A vertical grid of 15 blocks of different colours, each numbered (16-30). Each box contains a simple animated black and white figure doing something resembling a dance move.
A vertical grid of 15 blocks of different colours, each numbered (31-45). Each box contains a simple animated black and white figure doing something resembling a dance move.
A square grid with 7 blocks of different colours numbered 46-52. Boxes 46 to 50 contain a simple animated black and white figure doing something resembling a dance move. 51 and 52 haven't been made yet, so are just question marks.

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@purplepadma @eclectech @handmade_ghost

Lol. Possibly tomorrow!

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

I sometimes feel I might not be communicating very effectively by just posting every thought that pops into my head without any context whatsoever

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Incels are so weird, man. Just have a wank or go for a walk. Read a book, play some video games or hang out with some buddies. Rather than planning to elaborately blow up the Olympic torch to demonstrate how much you think it's unfair women don't want to touch you.

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@DJDarren

Lol

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

This is the future they want

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Sam Alito sounds like a town in Northern California

Gogs, to random
@Gogs@mas.to avatar

List of names to say next time those wizards are unkind to me at the beach:

Marlin
Hairy Otter
Bulbous Piscivore
Gandalf the Grey Mullet
Aleister Seacowley

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@Gogs

What's your name? Gary Porter you say? Never heard of you, sorry. 🤷

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

Sometimes the way people phrase things is so telling. For instance, telling women they should be "taking care of" their husband and children. Another adult doesn't need taken care of like a child, what you want is for women to be a Sex Mom.

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@RickiTarr @farah

I was about to reply something silly like WHAT ABOUT KARATE, but realised depressingly that some people would think I'm being serious or worse, agree (to which I would immediately respond with a picture of Cynthia Rothrock - the greatest karateist of all time)

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@Kierkegaanks @farah @RickiTarr

Here we see her reading my Mastodon posts I've written about her

A very 1980s Cynthia Rothrock overacting 'investigating a computer interestedly in a manner purporting some kind of investigation'.

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@farah @Kierkegaanks @RickiTarr

Lol - 80s/90s martial arts icon. Cheesy American crossover but done quite well (I thought). Early Michelle Yeoh and some Australian guy who's name I never remember. Sort of the same vibe as early Seagal and some Van Damme. Sort of no plot other than they've been wronged and have to kick a load of people. I'll be honest - it was a weird tangent to go off on. Sorry.

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@Kierkegaanks @farah @RickiTarr

All silliness aside I'm planning a deep dive on all the Rothrock films at some point, as I imagine they hold up quite well. I did all of Van Dammes recently (before he went weird) and thoroughly enjoyed it. They were extremely silly and also - films used to be really short! It's like - where's the exposition? There's barely any. You just get Van Damme has been wronged by evil muscular person for some reason, so he must fight his way to the top. I know that's still sort of the plot for most action films, but it did seem a bit simpler. But I got into The (Roth)rock after early Jackie Chan films and remember her being great.

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@grumpasaurus @Kierkegaanks @farah @RickiTarr

Scott Adkins is a weird one. I'd sort of dismissed him as being some Z-list action wannabe, but then I watched some of his films - memorably the one where he goes to prison and becomes the hardest man in the world. I then checked out some other stuff and can see he's like the hardest-working actor in Hollywood, so was really thrilled to see his turn in Wick 4 and thought he stole the film. I wish him nothing but good things.

davidnjoku, to HipHop
@davidnjoku@mastodon.world avatar

There is absolutely no logical reason why me, a 50-something year old head, should love this rap song by a group of Irish preteens as much as I do.

https://youtu.be/8p6_VL00Vqk?feature=shared

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@davidnjoku

This is going to be in my head for the rest of the day now.

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