@nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

nictea

@nictea@hachyderm.io

Geek. Photographer. Roller derby tragic. I do web things as my day job. Naarm/Melbourne AU. she/they. 🏳️‍⚧️

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Impossible_PhD, to trans
@Impossible_PhD@hachyderm.io avatar

Coming out is hard, and coming out as trans is even harder. As trans folks, we have to do it in a way pretty much nobody else ever does.

This week on , we're looking at the rhetoric of How To Come Out Anywhere, so you can feel a little more confident when you invite the people you love into a deeper relationship with you.

https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/how-to-come-out-anywhere

nictea,
@nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

@kelidanovus @Impossible_PhD Once again Zoe hits the nail on the head. I'm pretty sure this is (part of) where I went wrong with my mother. I came from a place of fear & shame, which was far more about my relationship with my mother than being trans.

I was going to need a "do-over" anyway (since she's just trying to pretend she can just ignore things), and this article is so helpful.

nictea,
@nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

@Impossible_PhD @kelidanovus Thank you :blobhaj_heart:

I'm actually thinking of just starting with a very short conversation, and giving her a copy of "Oh, s#!t, my child just told me they're trans" and another book I have, then revisiting after that. She just has no background to understand things at all, and it just seems to much to try and cover all that while coming out.

She (and I, when it comes to dealing with her) emotionally regulate poorly.

grissallia, to random
@grissallia@aus.social avatar

Bought a smart plug on Amazon last yesterday and installed it this morning. Outside. For the gas heater.

Which now regularly fails to turn on, and has had a technician out twice.

Last time the tech came out, he told me to let the agent know if the issue was resolved, and he’d come back the next day if not.

Agent doesn’t answer phone. Agent doesn’t answer emails. Agent’s phone now redirects to a full voicemail box, and cannot accept messages.

So I’ve bought a smart plug so I can power cycle the gas heater from inside the house during winter. Woke up to 15C inside the house this morning, but it’s been as low as 12C inside some nights.

It was 5C outside this morning as I stood outside and manually power cycled the gas heater at 5:30am.

(Heater will attempt to fire up three times, and if it doesn’t light, will switch itself off, requiring a manual hard reset).

nictea,
@nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

@grissallia You could absolutely do this with Home Assistant if the switch and thermometer are supported...

Impossible_PhD, to random
@Impossible_PhD@hachyderm.io avatar

Okay, honest question:

Is there just a certain amount of time you get into transition when the longing desire to show your whole-ass boobs to people set in?

Asking for, erm, no reason in particular. 😇

nictea,
@nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

@Impossible_PhD I mean, I have the desire but not enough substance to follow through yet...

Impossible_PhD, to nonbinary
@Impossible_PhD@hachyderm.io avatar

One of the scariest parts of coming out is coming out at work. Unlike your family--blood or chosen--work is just a bunch of people who get thrown together, mishmash, and have to make things work out.

This week on , it's a guide to give to your coworkers when they get that wide-eyed look and think "Oh, s#!t, my coworker just told me they're trans." At least, it should keep people from asking what's in your goddamned pants.

https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/oh-st-my-coworker-just-told-me-theyre

nictea,
@nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

@Impossible_PhD The resources you provide to us are so valuable I can't express my thanks enough.

I forwarded this to my manager who while supportive, didn't really "get it". He just called me to talk about your article and what the company can be doing better ❤️

Impossible_PhD, to nonbinary
@Impossible_PhD@hachyderm.io avatar

Of all the comings-out we have to do as trans folks, telling our parents is one of the very hardest. What it even means to be trans has changed so much that it can be incredibly hard to even get them to understand what your gender is.

This week on , we've got "Oh, s#!t, my child just told me they're trans," a guide meant to be handed off to parents of trans teens and adult children, to help them get there.

https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/oh-st-my-child-just-told-me-theyre

nictea,
@nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

@Impossible_PhD Then you so much for this. I've been looking for resources I can provide to my mum who has not taken things well, and they're thin on the ground.

nictea, to random
@nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

I went to get new plates for my skates today, but despite the website saying they were in stock, they were not. So I'm going to have to find the time to make 2 more trips in the near future. Then I decided to go to the shops forgetting it was a public holiday, and they were busy, but also half closed. Now I'm just tired, grumpy, and dysphoric for some reason. And don't want to go to work tomorrow.

nictea,
@nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

and now I'm in the office tonight because a UPS has shit itself due to the storms. Fuck today,

nictea,
@nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

And now it's after 1AM and I'm just sitting here doom scrolling and drinking whisky because my brain has decided to be absolutely evil tonight. Making me feel lonely, questioning whether I actually have any friends who care about me, etc. Just wanted to scream that into the void, I suppose.

Impossible_PhD, to random
@Impossible_PhD@hachyderm.io avatar

deleted_by_author

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    nictea,
    @nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

    @Impossible_PhD All any of us want is to be seen. When physical or societal constraints make that difficult or impossible, how do we cope with that? I don't have an answer, but it's a good question and thank you for sharing 💜

    nictea, to random
    @nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

    Spent the day in the city today, visiting the National Gallery and some other places. Had a really good body image day. Every time I caught a glimpse of my reflection I did a double take. "Holy shit, that's me!" 🥰

    ajsadauskas, (edited ) to afl
    @ajsadauskas@aus.social avatar

    The saga of Waverley Park — Melbourne's car-dependent suburban AFL stadium with a planned seated capacity of over 150,000 (not a typo!)

    A really good run down by @philip on the plans by the AFL (and its predecessor, the VFL) to build the world's largest stadium in outer-suburban Melbourne.

    Unfortunately, a planned railway line past the stadium to Rowville was never built. That meant a massive 25,000-spot car park as the only real means to get there.

    While most of it has been demolished and redeveloped for housing, the oval itself still used by Hawthorn Football Club as a training and administration centre.

    https://youtu.be/LvvLwiRCx4s?si=x2QvxepgPtBtJZfx

    @fuck_cars

    nictea,
    @nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

    @ajsadauskas @philip @fuck_cars Caribbean Gardens now a victim of the same problem, with them attempting to make it an event space suitable for music festivals. Thousands of people trying to catch buses up and down Stud Rd to Dandenong or Ringwood.

    nictea,
    @nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

    @ajsadauskas @philip @fuck_cars And in my mind the "Smart Bus" is useless enough they may as well not exist. On more than one occasion my partner or I waited until we had missed not one, but two of the connecting trains we intended to connect with. So walked home and drove into the city instead.

    decryption, to random
    @decryption@aus.social avatar

    deleted_by_author

    •
    nictea,
    @nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

    @decryption Thank you so much for this! There's a very good chance I may still have a copy of issue #1. I definitely did, but it would be at my mum's house. I will look for it next time I visit.

    Impossible_PhD, to random
    @Impossible_PhD@hachyderm.io avatar

    I've been quiet yesterday and today, after the HP/Deadname card fiasco.

    Things with the in-laws got worse after that.

    I won't be getting into details, but I'm going no contact with someone and low contact with most of the rest as a result of their choices. Even after what they've done to me, they deserve their privacy.

    Twenty years of love and investment in that family. I'm absolutely heartbroken.

    nictea,
    @nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

    @Impossible_PhD I'm so sorry. I hate that this happened to you.

    Impossible_PhD, to random
    @Impossible_PhD@hachyderm.io avatar

    I have been officially designated as an Itty Bitty Titty Committee Quit-ee.

    10/10 pun.

    nictea,
    @nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

    @Impossible_PhD Grow faster damnit! pokes chest
    ...
    Ouch 😊

    nictea, to random
    @nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

    Too much for a work Xmas party? I'm very self conscious about my shoulders and back 😢

    grissallia, to random
    @grissallia@aus.social avatar

    Kogan TVs are shit. Just really shit.

    This is, apparently, the default interface, which has to be turned off every time.

    nictea,
    @nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

    @grissallia Which TVs are not shit, don't spy on me or show me ads, that I can just plug a HDMI device into and ignore all the "smart" features?

    ada, to photography
    @ada@blahaj.zone avatar

    A fedi photography question

    What do we call the dSLR form factor cameras that technically aren't dSLRs because they lack a mirror?

    @photography

    nictea,
    @nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

    @ada @photography
    I've always heard them referred to as "mirrorless". Albeit the lack of a mirror does make the line start to blur between the DSLR style bodies & the rangefinder style bodies (eg, Fuji XT30)

    Impossible_PhD, to random
    @Impossible_PhD@hachyderm.io avatar

    My full wedding album came in today, and I LOVE the shots--but it turns out that B-- and I recreated a shot from our first wedding.

    Transition is magic, folks.

    nictea,
    @nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

    @Impossible_PhD Oh I love this so much. I think you both look so much more yourselves ❤️

    malcircuit, to random
    @malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

    I need IRL friends I actually hang out with, a girlfriend, or a dog

    So alone

    nictea,
    @nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

    @Terra @malcircuit Same. It's sometimes my only 2 social events in a week.

    mattcen, (edited ) to random
    @mattcen@aus.social avatar

    Do I know anyone who works at OptiComm? After mercifully completing the saga of trying to get working internet in my apartment, I'd now like to investigate my options (if any) of replacing my Huawei ONT (https://aus.social/@mattcen/111158535966634838) with something not from Huawei.

    What's the likelihood that there's anything significantly sinister about the ONT, just by virtue of its brand name? Probably pretty low, but I just really don't trust it, but replacing it would involve getting one from a wholesale supplier (at my own expense of probably ~$400; can't know for sure because every site wants me to request a quote) and then liaising with OptiComm (which usually should do via my ISP) to reconfigure everything.

    I'm just evaluating options at this stage, but knowing whether I have a contact within OptiComm who I can bounce ideas off may help.

    I'll also accept thoughtful feedback on whether I'm being overly paranoid about the trustworthiness of the Huawei box.

    nictea,
    @nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

    @mattcen I would be shocked if Opticomm let you do this. Also, it's highly likely the OLT at the other end of the fibre is Huawei, as well as who knows how much of the rest of their network.

    As long as you're using secure protocols I wouldn't worry any more about that NTU than I would about any of the equipment between you and the destination network, made and owned by god knows who 🤷‍♀️

    nictea,
    @nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

    @mattcen FWIW our TPG Enterprise fibre connection at work has a Huawei switch as a handoff. Clearly they don't think it's a problem. I just consider any network hardware compromised by at least one state actor.

    lisamelton, to random
    @lisamelton@mastodon.social avatar

    I'm a little sad today. Not just for remembering the passing of Steve Jobs. But after almost a year of being here, I'm finally having to block trolls on Mastodon. Dammit.

    These assholes should realize that I spent a decade working for Steve. So, this girl doesn't get intimidated.

    And I almost pity the poor motherfuckers who try to mansplain Web browsers or video transcoding to me. Almost.

    nictea,
    @nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

    @lisamelton @jessica @victor Basically I'm starting to see more h265 coming in to ingest, so I either need a good profile to turn it into h264, or just upgrade the playback devices in which case I might as well transcode the library into h265 for the storage savings.

    nictea,
    @nictea@hachyderm.io avatar

    @lisamelton @jessica @victor Oh, to know. Color space conversion & such is where my knowledge is most lacking.

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