StefanThinks

StefanThinks, 1 month ago to random

Inspired by Stephen Hawking, to test if time travel is possible, I threw a party for time travelers but sent out the invitations afterward to see if anyone came.

Nobody came, but I don't know if it’s because time travel doesn't exist or everyone hates me.

StefanThinks, 4 months ago to random

I had to block a guy because he was so passionate about his anti-refrigeration stance on storing vanilla extract. I tried to tell him to each their own, but he kept lecturing me about it.

StefanThinks, 7 months ago to random

Why be a fear monger when you can be a fish monger?

StefanThinks, 4 months ago to random

I don't mean to brag, but the bottle of vanilla extract in my fridge that expired 5 years ago is almost halfway finished.

StefanThinks, 8 months ago to random

Who needs money when you have pretty rocks and pine cones? So, uh, does anyone want to trade their money for pretty rocks or pine cones?

StefanThinks, 4 months ago (edited 4 months ago) to random

If someone was shot on Monday and died on Friday, what would be the day of their murder?

StefanThinks, 20 days ago to random

Missing @Bigthinkingcap 🫶🏼

StefanThinks, 6 months ago to random

⚠️ Don't forget to put adult content warnings on your posts about spatchcocking. ⚠️

StefanThinks, 5 months ago to random

In anticipation of the impending civil war, we should probably sort out what each of us will bring to the table. I call dibs on being the fart joke guy.

StefanThinks, 3 months ago to random

Please pull the plug on me if I ever reply to a post with a meme. Please shoot me if I ever respond to a meme with another meme that says I am going to steal the first meme.

StefanThinks, 6 months ago to random

Must fight the mansplaining urge to tell people that it's not daylight savings that started, it's now standard time.

StefanThinks, 10 months ago to random

Fact: An eye can never see itself.

StefanThinks, 10 months ago to random

I'm going to build my own social media platform with blackjack and hookers!

StefanThinks, 10 months ago to random

People on social media are like “Looks like I just lost a lot of followers because I said babies, puppies, and kittens are adorable, but I don't care because it's true!” Yeah, right, that's followbait.

StefanThinks, 10 months ago to random

I don't have a beard or mustache because I'd like to keep my face a clean palette and have options if I ever have to be a fugitive on the lam and go into incognito mode.

StefanThinks, 1 year ago to random

Apparently “shitposting” on Mastodon involves being a Christofascist Misogynist.

StefanThinks, 8 months ago to random

If your argument is “misinformation and propaganda is bad when they do it but not when we do it,” you might want to step away from the Kool-Aid for a minute.

StefanThinks, 5 months ago to random

Translation: “If I treat you to Olive Garden, I expect one sex, milady.”

StefanThinks, 9 months ago to random

I know I have 0 clout or influence but don't you dare ever come after @enoch, he is the real deal and I will always get his back. 🫶

StefanThinks, 5 months ago to random

You must pick one: drink a Panera Charged Lemonade OR eat something based on a viral TikTok food hack recipe.

StefanThinks, 9 months ago to random

Why do people want to die on hills? They'll just roll down. A nice level surface is more practical.

StefanThinks, 10 months ago to random

One day soon, people will pretend to use Pop-Tarts as a phone instead of bananas.

StefanThinks, 1 month ago to random

Is 47 too late to become the sleeveless shirt guy?

StefanThinks, 1 month ago to random

The fascist right-wing provocateur’s greatest ally is a leftist or liberal who reposts what the fascist says thinking they are dunking on them, when in reality the message is amplified and the fascist ends up with more exposure and people looking them up and algorithms suggesting them. Ad infinitum.

StefanThinks, 6 months ago to random

Viral videos are like, “Check out this new can opener hack that will blow your mind!” and it's just someone explaining how to use the standard, intended way of using a can opener.