@StefanThinks@beige.party
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StefanThinks

@StefanThinks@beige.party

Joke attempter. Mildly annoying. Occasionally humorous. I don't post jokes I didn't come up with unless I give credit. I try to be original or at least original-adjacent. Formerly known on Twitter as https://beige.party/@StefanThinks

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

StefanThinks, to random
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Interviewer: Can you explain these gaps in your resume?

Me: Those are typographical indicators called spaces and line breaks that separate words and paragraphs.

StefanThinks, to random
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If you are still on Twitter, just keep in mind that Walmart is officially cooler than you now.

StefanThinks, to random
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CDC says if you get bitten by a zombie you should not let anyone else in your crew know because you don’t want to be a burden.

StefanThinks, to random
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Women: Can we get functional pockets?

Clothing Industry: No.

Babies: How about us?

Clothing Industry: Well, you don't have the fine motor skills to use them, nor object permanence to remember what's in them, and anything that would fit would be a choking hazard. But, sure, why the hell not!

StefanThinks, to random
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If they ever make a Jack Dorsey biopic, they should cast Peter Dinklage.

Peter Dinklage with disheveled and peppered hair and beard.

StefanThinks, to random
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We can't pay you, but this gig will give you great exposure to even more people who don't want to pay for your work.

StefanThinks, to random
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“I had to walk to school uphill, both ways!” – M.C. Escher

StefanThinks, to random
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If you do what you love, the money will follow*.

  • Offer does not apply to teachers, construction, food industry, social workers, child care…
StefanThinks, to random
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I just got my 23andme results back and its turns out I'm 100% my data was breached and I can't sue them unless I explicitly opt out of their new TOS within 30 days.

StefanThinks, to random
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“The only thing that stops a bad guy with a flame-throwing robot dog is a good guy with a flame-throwing robot dog.” – Person who owns the company that introduced and mass produces flame-throwing robot dogs

StefanThinks, to random
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One day soon, people will pretend to use Pop-Tarts as a phone instead of bananas.

StefanThinks, to random
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Take the hot new online quiz “Right-Leaning News Telling Us Everything is Okay or Onion Article”

The Wall Street Journal: To Save Money, Maybe You Should Skip Breakfast Picture of a grocery store employee stocking eggs on a shelf

StefanThinks, to random
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I hope you enjoy this gift card I got you for Christmas. I was going to give you cash, but I thought it would be more heartfelt if it were inconvenient.

StefanThinks, to random
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Me: A horse walks into a bar…

Mastodon joke fact-checker: Um, what city? Because most modern animal control laws and building regulations since 1937…

StefanThinks, to random
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Rage Against the Machine Learning

StefanThinks, to random
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Unrequited love is heartbreaking, but nothing is more tragic than waking up and finding your phone is dead because the charger wasn't fully plugged into the outlet.

StefanThinks, to random
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Why do I need a password to pay bills? If someone else wants to pay my bills, more power to them.

StefanThinks, to random
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Kids these days will never know the struggle of waiting 16 hours to download a Beastie Boys album from Limewire only to find out it was actually Aerosmith.

StefanThinks, to random
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We also need to contend with the possibility that they might not be giants.

StefanThinks, to random
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How long before Alabama makes it legal to marry a frozen embryo?

StefanThinks, to random
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You see a poster about diversity at a business and think they are “woke.”

I see it and google to find out what discrimination lawsuit they lost.

We are not the same.

StefanThinks, to random
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There should be a mandatory waiting period and background check before a gun lobbyist can buy a politician.

StefanThinks, to random
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They said I'm not supposed to bring a knife to a gunfight, but what if there's cheesecake at the gunfight?

StefanThinks, to random
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Happy “WTF Day Is It?” to all who celebrate!

StefanThinks, to random
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By reading this with your eyes you are opting in to give us consent to scrape your dreams to sell to third parties for AI training purposes.

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