It's below zero here in Northern Illinois today. When it's this cold or raining out, our dog always gets a treat for doing her business outside, even though she never messes in the house. It just seems like she deserves a little extra treat for weather like this.
(It's #HootinTootin Tuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, & bring lots of smiles to Mastodon.)
so this pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his member and the bartender says, sir are you aware you have a steering wheel on your penis? and the pirate says RRRRRRRRR it drives me nuts. #jokeoftheday#jokes#joke#jokestodon
"Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day, My wife & I went into town and visited a shop.
When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him, and I said, 'Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an "a-hole". He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.
So my wife called him a "sh!thead." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
He started writing more tickets. This went on for about 20 minutes.
Just then, our bus arrived, and we got on it & went home.
We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age."
If you hear stories about #JohnMastodon, they're not real-- well, maybe not.😏
Just remember: There is no algorithm here for people who do not follow you to find you. The best way to have your toots seen is by using lots of hashtags (like these👇👇👇 ).
Be sure to follow @feditips for more helpful #newbie information.
This isn't Twitter. There is no algorithm here for people who do not follow you to find you. The best way to have your toots seen is with hashtags (like these👇👇👇 ).
Be sure to follow @feditips for more helpful #newbie information.
This time of year you can expect to see more #coyotes. Typically, they are nocturnal, but it is not uncommon to see them during the day. Merely seeing one is NOT reason to call the police. However, there are certain behaviors that are cause for alarm.
Specifically:
Coyote carrying a box marked ACME.
Coyote dropping an anvil from a hot air balloon Coyote posting signs such as "Detour" or "Free Bird Seed."
Coyote in possession of giant magnet.
Coyote in possession of a catapult.
Coyote detonating explosives or TNT.
Coyote launching itself with a giant crossbow.
Please contact the police department or animal control if you witness any of the above behaviors.
(It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.)