JulieB

vlrny, 4 days ago to lonelinesscorps

Bad news is I am back in the stupid town and stupid apartment that nearly killed me to pack up my life and move it to Guelph (yay!)

Good news is I have access for an installation of #valeriesDVDDrawer !
Choices this round:
#findingNemo
#encinoMan
#tankGirl
Starting between 5pm and 7pm my time.
Let me know if you are interested and which movie.
@lonelinesscorps

JulieB, 12 days ago to random

My sister and I met at the Title office this week to sign papers for the selling of our house. I ended up in a small office around a small table with my sister and our very kind, patient and good humored Title Agent . . . with the wrong glasses on my face so I was unable to read fine print easily as I sat in front of thirty pages of the stuff. 🤦‍♀️😆

I was doing just fine until we got to the marital status page and as she was explaining the document I saw the blank and wrote:

'SINGLE'. Big. Bold. Caps.

SINGLE.

The agent without missing a beat pointed out the boxes I was meant to check and that I was probably going to need to check the first 'unmarried' box.

Oh.

And my sister said, "But she is recently and proudly SINGLE." Joining her in her mouthiness I said, "Yeah! I worked hard for that!" and by this point all three of us are laughing.

I dutifully checked the first 'unmarried' box then crossed out the word 'SINGLE' and initialed it - but I was disappointed in the word choices available.

Unmarried feels like I'm less than, as if I wasn't chosen or wanted or something, as if marriage is the goal I had failed to attain.

'Single' sounds like a personal decision, a choice I made for myself because that is what I wanted for me.

And I wanted it badly.

As I sit under my awning today, the air barely cool and quite still, in my generous adironack chair, listening to the birds who have not quieted really since their party they throw every morning in the dark, hearing too my neighbor playing her piano out her open windows, all of this is what I have chosen for me. This is what I have attained. None of this beauty and peace would have been available had I stayed.

So nope, despite the documents centering marriage with their almost judgy labels,

I am SINGLE. ❤️

JulieB, 12 days ago to random

From the book, "While You Are Healing" by Parm K. C.

---

you can fold yourself up
into halves,
quarters,
or more.
and still,
you won't be small enough
for the ones who feel
entitled to your space.
so f*** it.
UNFOLD.

---

Woah.

Deep breath in and out.

Damn, that's good.

vlrny, 13 days ago to coffee

Oh you know, just blinking slowly, singing James Blunt songs to my coffee, as one does...

What are the rest of ya'll up to?
@lonelinesscorps
#coffee #gratitude #slowMorning

JulieB, 19 days ago to random

I saw this quote the first time yesterday and have seen several versions of it since then and I've been pondering. It said,

"When choosing a woman who works, you have to accept that she can't handle the house.

If you have chosen a housewife who can take care of you and fully manage your household, you have to accept that she is not earning money.

If you choose an obedient woman, you must accept that she depends on you and you must ensure her life.

If you decide to be with a strong woman, you have to accept that she is tough and she has her own opinions.

If you choose a beautiful woman, then you will have to accept big expenses.

If you decide to be with a successful woman, you must understand that she has character and has her own goals and ambitions."

~

This is the first time I've seen someone being instructed that a woman is not an endless resource, that if she is good at one thing she may not be good at this other thing, and if you choose the thing she's good at, you also need to take responsibility that you chose the second maybe-not-so-good thing.

Yes, some of the word choices in the quote are not my favorite, especially the 'obedient' part, but if a woman is one that naturally follows and supports and defers and that is what makes her happy and content, and you choose her? You don't get to be mad at her for not being decisive and forward thinking and self-motivated.

After decades of being told I needed to be all the things all the time and anything less was basically sin?

This was incredibly freeing. I get to be me without having to be all.

Be mindful that what attracts you to a partner will have some costs attached to it. Your partner is not an endless resource nor do you get to expect them to be good at everything - they will excel at some things and struggle with others. Be thoughtful of both as you choose.

I spent way too many years trying to please an impossible list of attributes. I don't have to live like that anymore.

RickiTarr, 26 days ago (edited 26 days ago) to random

The Tale of Two Gynecologists

This is a bit long, and I've talked about this a lot lately, but it's something I'm thinking about a lot in the wake of so much hatred of female Healthcare. When my female troubles got bad enough that I finally talked to my doctor about it, he referred me to a gynecologist. I had already had several ultrasounds and an MRI at this point, and she had put me on some oral contraceptives for several months, (which made sick to my stomach no matter what I did) and had just done another ultrasound. She greeted me with "Well, you're really messed up inside, Honey.", which already had me pretty stressed out. Then told me I would probably need surgery to figure out exactly what was going on. She then asked me if I wanted children, and I said No. I had taken my husband with me to the appointment for moral support, and she glanced over at him, and then talked to me for 5 minutes about how many women my age could still have children, and I could definitely consider it, and that they would do everything they could to make sure I could stay viable. They could freeze my eggs if I had to do a hysterectomy, just on and on. She probably asked me directly 4-5 if I was sure I didn't want kids. Finally, I said, "Ma'am, my husband got a vasectomy over a decade ago, we are absolutely sure we don't want kids." After hubs had found me crying on the toliet, because my period was late again, he went to his doctor and said, "Hey doctor, I'm thinking about a vasectomy." The doctor gave him a pamphlet to read, and made him an appointment. The whole thing was done in a few weeks.

Anyhow, she finally referred me to a gynecological surgeon, and I was not looking forward to dealing with this again, and was just generally terrified of having surgery for the first time. I met with this woman and she was so efficient and practical. It is the longest doctor appointment I've ever had, since this surgery would be exploratory, she went over every possibility of what could happen when she was inside. She did a thorough exam, she went over all the scans that I had, and explained why she thought this needed done. Then she said she would like to put in a Mirena IUD during surgery. She said, "You're in pain half the month, and there's no reason for you to have a period if you don't want to have kids. You'll have some erratic bleeding for six months, but by a year most women have a very light or no period at all, there's no reason for you to needlessly suffer if you don't end up needing a hysterectomy."

It's interesting to me still, that one doctor was so focused on what my body could do, and another so focused on how I felt. I came out of the first appointment feeling scared and confused, and the second feeling heard and cared for. Feeling valued as a person and not a baby maker made the surgery much easier to go through, and the Mirena has been great btw. Women don't have to needlessly suffer.

vlrny, 27 days ago (edited 27 days ago) to random

puts cross-strap sports bra on, somehow gets strap tangled in armpit

gets untangled, pulls tank top on - it's backwards

gives up on whole day before 10am

#whereIsMySupervisor #fuckitFriday

JulieB, 1 month ago to random

This.

JulieB, 1 month ago to random

From my adventures three years ago. I'm proud how I adventured then, but I'm also proud how I've adventured further.

Skagit Valley Tulips and Sunrise

A foggy morning in the Skagit Valley, with the photo take from tulip top height. Blue gray sky, darker blue gray mountain range, white tulips in the foreground running in rows to the barn and trees at the end of the field. Some of the tulips sparkle with dew in the low sun light.
Ohhhhhh, the purple! Very little sky showing above the barn and other farm building in the distance. A light fog settles over an broad field of purple tulips, row by row, purple and green stripes leading away from the camera alternate with taupey soil stripes. But the purple sparkles where the sun hits the dew. One of my favorite photos.

JulieB, 1 month ago to random

I'm learning the routines of Mother Nature. The sun crests the mountains to the east and lights up the fog, but all I can see is the fog all glowy. But within fifteen minutes the fog is cooked away and the air above the river clears and the mountain is sharp and bright.

From seeing nothing to seeing everything in fifteen minutes.

Solar power.

compost, 1 month ago to random

Working with compost piles will show evidence of how toxic our society has become.

Capitalism in the name of profit uses so many chemicals and harmful compounds that are harmful to our health and the planet that we can't control easily the toxic inputs we use in our compost.

This is why harvesting your organic matter and working on creating wild areas for this is a smart idea. You will limit the risks of contamination of your piles.

JulieB, 1 month ago to random

Saying goodbye to my garden . . . lots of my healing took place as I weeded and nurtured and pruned and wept my way through this little pile of gravel that returned from the dead.

My weeping pussy willow tree with the tiniest little buds 'bout ready to 'splode!
The first and brightest green of the spring every year . . . some sort of succulent ground cover.
The wild caucaphony of prebloom sedum. I love the variety of looks she pulls off over the course of each year.

lea, 1 month ago (edited 1 month ago) to random

If you're not from the US and want to travel here. Don't.

I thought as a (German and white) visitor I'm gonna be fine.

Border and customs protection took my phone, forced me to unlock it and stole god knows what data from it. The agent was powertripping and made sure to let me know that I am powerless and he can just send me home or do godknowswhat to me.

He directly said "if you're annoying I'm just sending you home".

Apparently my trans ass was part of a "random search". Lol.

I'm fine now and with Lexi luckily. I don't know what kind of malware is on my phone, or what they took from it. I've been crying all throughout my connecting flight.

This place is a dystopian shithole. Please don't go here.

​:boost_ok:​ ❤️

JulieB, 2 months ago to random

How something hits you, affects you, is not necessarily how it hits or affects the other person in the conversation. They may be coming into the conversation with a loaded and painful history, real experience and your contribution to the conversation may be from an article you read or theory you're curious about.

Go gently.

And believe them when they express the weight of it, the pain of it.

JulieB, 2 months ago to random

Just told my neighbor (again, he's gettin' older) that we're moving.

He told me to tell the people that buy our house that they have to giggle loudly on occasion, cuz he's gonna miss that.

🥹

JulieB, 2 months ago to random

This is true about so much of life:

JulieB, 2 months ago to random

Every now and then I'll take a look at the toots of a person that liked or boosted one of my toots. Not often - I like to easily keep up with my Home Page and don't seek to crowd it up to overflowing.

So I clicked on this person's name and there I was, boosted all over his page. Not like a million posts, only five or six out of the ten available to see, but it was funny to see me from his point of view.

This could have been so useful back in my dating years: here in print on the screen are five things he likes about me enough to share with his friends. 😆

Julie, 2 months ago to random

I am now all caught up on “fundie baby voice,” thanks to the #KatieBritt fiasco.

That high-pitched, soft, breathy way of speaking is what Christianists want grown women—EVEN U.S. SENATORS!—to sound like.

Now I understand why rightwingers always called Hillary Clinton “shrill.” She speaks like an adult capable of taking a full breath, not like a sleepy four-year-old.

(Of course, the misogynist elements on the left followed right along with it. So shrill! the boys said. Can’t vote for her!)

vlrny, 2 months ago to random

Hey, has anybody bought furniture via Wayfair before? Is buying this a terrible idea? I always feel weird buying something I haven't physically touched, especially something as important as a bed.

https://www.wayfair.ca/furniture/pdp/red-barrel-studio-harlow-solid-wood-platform-bed-c100647735.html?piid=209735383%2C209735376

JulieB, 2 months ago to random

Can I drive the bus, please? Welcoming the exhausted, the weary, the wiped out and depositing them refreshed and laughing onto their front doorstep? Let me drive the bus!

JulieB, 2 months ago to random

Parenting Fail:

My son and his wife were out of town so my other son and his partner were staying in their house. Son Two called Son One to let him know the furnace failed - they were fine, kinda like camping with carpet but wanted to let him know. Son One and his wife get back home, call a repairman and the repairman comes and gets it fixed and he's making out the bill and says to my son: the filter was FULL of dust.

My son says, "Filter?"

😳

I taught him how to read a grocery store shelf label and fill out a check and balance the checkbook, and to never mix ammonia and bleach when cleaning, and how to fill the wiper fluid and jump a car.

I apparently did not once change a furnace filter in his presence.

His poor furnace puffing and wheezing through dog hair and dust for seven years.

🤦‍♀️

senanthic, 3 months ago to photography

the peace… of the swamp!

#photography