Lana

Lana, 1 day ago to random

CUSTOMERS: please don't print lies in the newspaper we sort of hate that.

NEWSPAPER: good news! we replaced half our staff with a machine that automatically prints lies in the newspaper.

Lana, 1 day ago to random

I'm starting a viral social media challenge it's called Pay Teachers What We're Fucking Worth [impossible]

Lana, 2 days ago to random

If the first Alien movie was released today the right wing incels would hate it. A female cat lady over 30 in an unflattering jumpsuit beats the aliens while all the men die? Impossible. More woke Hollywood nonsense!

Lana, 2 days ago to random

The first Matrix movie is historically speaking, closer in time to the fall of Saigon at the end of the Vietnam War than it is to today.

Lana, 3 days ago to random

ANTICHRIST UPDATE:

He broke the terms of his court ordered gag order an ELEVENTH time this morning. Why isn't Donald Trump in jail already? If his name was Donald Jackson, he would be.

Lana, 3 days ago to random

This person is the official GOP candidate for Amy Klobuchar's seat as United States Senator from Minnesota.

The Republican party has no organizing political ideology. It is organized around only one central tenet - cruelty.

Lana, 3 days ago to random

I mean whomst among us hasn't laundered a bunch of money to hush up an extramarital affair with a porn star, falsified federal documents to hide the money trail, lied about that to federal investigators and Congress, got caught lying, got indicted, tried to tamper with the jury, got caught doing that, committed more jury tampering, got caught doing that, got warned by a judge that if you did it again you'd go to jail, got your surrogates to instead commit jury tampering for you, got caught doing that, then committed jury tampering yet again a twelfth time on the social media platform that you own and specifically created because you got caught doing crimes on a different one.

Lana, 3 days ago to random

I am 100% convinced people are just pretending to enjoy the flavor of mint.

Lana, 4 days ago to random

it's time to rob a dragon
it's time for elven sights
it's time for giant spiders
on the hobbit show tonight

it's time for bilbo's birthday
it's time for barrow wights
it's time to fight the nazgûl
on the hobbit show tonight

to walk right into mordor
is what we're gonna do
we'll take the one ring with us
and toss it in mount doom

it's time to flee a balrog
it's time for gollum bites
It's time to brave the mirkwood
on the most sensational
celebrational
intoxicational
tater-sational
this is what we call the hobbit show

Lana, 5 days ago to random

On today's episode of:
Fucked Around Found Out

Lana, 5 days ago to random

At least 22% of our nation's highest court are on the side of the violent fascists who tried to commit a coup Jan 6, 2021.

We are so cooked.

image/png

Lana, 5 days ago to random

Technically speaking, nipples are straws.

Lana, 6 days ago to random

BUTKER: Congrats on your useless diplomas, ladies now go be useful and pump out some babies

WOMEN: Once again this is why bears.

Lana, 7 days ago to random

I'm a simple woman so maybe I don't understand this but if I were personally ordered by a judge not to tamper with the jury at my trial and then I did it anyway 10 different times and then I told my convicted sex offender coworker to tamper with the jury on my behalf and he did it and then bragged about doing it... I would not still be gallivanting around this side of a jail cell. And neither would my dipshit sex offender coworker.

Someone please explain this for me. Someone explain real slow because I'm fucking livid this gigantic treasonous asshole keep getting away with crimes that are designed to let him get away with the crimes we're trying to convict him of.

Lana, 7 days ago to random

I am having a chronic pain flareup today and managed to spill an entire cup of hot coffee inside my office printer, just in case anyone is mistakenly thinking they're having the worst day.

Lana, 8 days ago to random

"After taking office and examining hundreds of pages of curriculum, Gore was shocked by what she found — and didn’t find. The pervasive indoctrination she had railed against simply did not exist.

Children were not being sexualized. She could find no examples of critical race theory. She examined curriculum related to social-emotional learning, which has come under attack by Christian conservatives who say it encourages children to question gender roles and prioritizes feelings over biblical teachings. Instead, Gore found the materials taught children how to be a good friend and a good human."

https://www.texastribune.org/2024/05/15/texas-granbury-isd-school-board-courtney-gore/

Lana, 7 days ago to random

What's the craziest cat call you've ever had shouted at you? I'll start.

"You have good birthing hips".

I was working in a Home Depot at the time loading a truck with 50lb bags of fertilizer.

Also I'm trans.

Lana, 9 days ago to random

Not sure if retailers know this but there is a whole ass demographic of women who actually do want the bottom half of the shirt.

Lana, 9 days ago to random

The back fell off. Some of them are made so the back doesn't fall off at all.

Lana, 11 days ago to random

What Your Piano Says About You: A Thread

1/🧵

You don't play the piano and you don't know anyone who does. What you do have is money. Lots of it. You are either a doctor or a lawyer by profession. The piano is likely placed in a prominent location in your expansive house, such as tucked under the stairs, where the sound can be muffled, or next to a bay window, where it can echo weirdly off the glass. The lid of your grand piano is always closed. There are photographs of you and your wife and kids arranged tastefully on the top and a soft accent lamp on the left hand side of the music desk which absolutely will not illuminate any part of the music adequately.

Lana, 10 days ago to random

No, cisgender person, YOU can't change sex. Skill issue.

Lana, 11 days ago to random

On this Mother's Day day remember that there is no greater love a woman has than that for her coffee

Lana, 12 days ago to random

That's like $2,900 a mile

Lana, 12 days ago to random

Floridians during the Aurora Borealis

Lana, 12 days ago to random

The biggest lie the patriarchy ever told us that it doesn't exist.

And the second biggest is similar, that it isn't on purpose.