@LoganFive@beige.party
@LoganFive@beige.party avatar

LoganFive

@LoganFive@beige.party

I write one liners, two liners, and three liners.
I draw the line at four liners though.

Sometimes I pretend I’m Mark Ruffalo.

Former sketch/improv person. I love #Taskmaster, #OnePunchMan, and #Boundless (the endurance race show).

Pro LGBTQIA+, BLM, anything that involves not being an a-hole.

Pronouns: he/him/his (cis-het, married)

#humor
#humour
#comedy
#jokes
#dadjokes
#puns
#writing
#improv
#sketchcomedy
#standup
#fedi22

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

the_etrain, to random
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Given my middle-ageness, I will only be using this account to complain about the sodium content of food from here on out.

LoganFive,
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@the_etrain @LikeItOrLumpIt WTF???

LoganFive,
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@the_etrain
"Staff Chief of Joint Pain"

the_etrain, to random
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It really doesn't matter how much I do in one day. I always feel like I haven't accomplished anything.

LoganFive, (edited )
@LoganFive@beige.party avatar

@the_etrain
NASA Scientist: Remotely fixes aircraft at the edge of the solar system
Also NASA Scientist: “I didn’t do shit today.”

I feel like it’s pretty common for everyone. I heard someone say once that we overestimate what we can get done in a day but we underestimate what we can get done in a year. Here’s hoping you feel more accomplished tomorrow, whatever that looks like for you.

Saltssaltgirl, to random
@Saltssaltgirl@mas.to avatar

deleted_by_author

    •
    LoganFive,
    @LoganFive@beige.party avatar

    @Saltssaltgirl
    Why do they have air conditioned rooms and you don’t???

    LoganFive,
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    @Saltssaltgirl I’m so sorry. Do you have any kind of window to the outside from your basement? Maybe we can do a fundraiser to get you a portable AC unit. But from what I understand, they only work if you have a window to blow the hot air out of.

    LoganFive, to poetry
    @LoganFive@beige.party avatar

    A Tree

    I kind of want to be a tree. I want to be accepted for staying where I am and just being. Not expected to become a different tree with more leaves and a “better” tree title.

    And maybe my growth is only seasonal. Maybe, sometimes, I’m just trying to survive the winter, and no one expects me to be in perpetual spring. And as my leaves color the landscape and capture your eyes, I show you there can be beauty in withering, even in death. I show you that you can still love me even when I struggle, or fail.

    And people just accept me, as a tree. As me.

    LoganFive, to random
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    Can I get a 1 word suggestion please?

    RickiTarr, to random
    @RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

    That Novelty Cup you had to have on vacation, you'll never use it again.

    LoganFive, (edited )
    @LoganFive@beige.party avatar

    @RickiTarr Hey! My “World’s Greatest Lover” Cup continues to motivate me. You can’t be lazy and stay on top.

    LoganFive, to Haiku
    @LoganFive@beige.party avatar

    alone, I light farts
    flames searing the emptiness
    not replacing you

    - fire

    TheBreadmonkey, to random
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    Dreamed last night I helped the scientists of Wakanda develop the speed potato peeler. Blew their minds, frankly.

    LoganFive,
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    @TheBreadmonkey "They didn't realize how smart I yam."

    LoganFive,
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    @TheBreadmonkey Hahaha! My evil plan worked! It was so....sweet. I was...rooting...for you to have a good response. Now I'm off to...fry...some other brains with my terrible puns. Let the...chips...fall where they may.
    disappears in a puff of smoke, but can then be seen on the street with his Lyft app open waiting for a car, black cape and twirly mustache blowing in the wind

    RickiTarr, to random
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    I would make a joke about irony, but honestly, I don't know if anyone actually understands what it is.

    And if I did someone would inevitably come along in the comments, and try to explain irony, and even more inevitably someone would correct them, and then really this is just a joke about hubris, which is probably ironic, but who the hell knows.

    LoganFive,
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    @RickiTarr I feel like I just had an argument with you but I have no idea what it was about and I should probably just apologize and try not to upset you today.

    LoganFive, to random
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    Doctor: I'm sorry, but it looks like you're suffering from a severe lack of fucks to give.

    Me: Whatever.

    LoganFive,
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    @msquebanh
    Nothing. Not even a picture of one. Typical US healthcare.

    Saltssaltgirl, to random
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    I have an interview today. Send good juju.

    LoganFive,
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    @Saltssaltgirl 🌟 🃏 💫 🔮 🍀 🤞

    LoganFive, to random
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    I bet you Jon Hamm doesn’t even know that much about ham.

    LoganFive, to random
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    Instead of a therapist, I am now looking for a hype man. Must be fully licensed.

    Chrishallbeck, to comics
    @Chrishallbeck@mastodon.social avatar

    Outside.

    LoganFive,
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    @Chrishallbeck @mentallyalex This made me think of you.

    LoganFive, to random
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    Celebrating paying our taxes with some high-end top ramen and water.

    tayfonay, to random
    @tayfonay@beige.party avatar

    ProTip: get a bearded dragon and when someone makes a comment about the dandelions in your yard say it’s a farm-to-table sustainable operation for your dragon

    LoganFive,
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    @tayfonay You had me at bearded dragon.

    LoganFive, to HashtagGames
    @LoganFive@beige.party avatar

    I’m celebrating Earth Day by recycling my rage.


    LoganFive, to HashtagGames
    @LoganFive@beige.party avatar

    Celebrating Earth Day by not showering, again. But this time for Earth Day.


    LoganFive, to random
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    Dramarama showed us that you don't need to get your facts straight to have a hit song.

    LoganFive,
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    @billyjoebowers 🎶
    “It’s April 21st and everybody knows today is Earth Day,” 🎵 CLOSE! But no cigar.

    LoganFive,
    @LoganFive@beige.party avatar

    @billyjoebowers It sounds like he genuinely just didn’t know.

    https://www.facebook.com/story.php?id=100050242220021&story_fbid=298148805203191

    Alice, to random
    @Alice@beige.party avatar

    Thanks to everyone who came out to my set!

    LoganFive,
    @LoganFive@beige.party avatar

    @Alice I had never seen someone throw tomatoes at the audience before. I enjoyed the twist, especially with my burger.

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