Stoned_Deva_

Stoned_Deva_, 6 months ago to random

They should let the person who invented naps invent more stuff.

Stoned_Deva_, 11 months ago to random

We need a Disney princess who punches nazis.

Stoned_Deva_, 10 months ago to random

And when you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I ditched you for another platform.

Stoned_Deva_, 11 months ago to random

This rap battle could've been an email

Stoned_Deva_, 6 months ago to random

I'm not like this because I'm on Mastodon.

I'm on Mastodon because I'm like this.

Stoned_Deva_, 1 year ago to random

Who called the feminine product brand "Always" instead of "Periodically"?

Stoned_Deva_, 11 months ago to random

Has anyone tried turning the U.S. off and then back on again?

Stoned_Deva_, 3 months ago to random

Urban dictionary implies the existence of a rural dictionary.

Stoned_Deva_, 11 months ago to random

Maybe Jesus only had 12 followers because he insisted on lecturing people in their replies.

Stoned_Deva_, 3 months ago to random

a sensory deprivation tank but with arm holes so you can still play on your phone

Stoned_Deva_, 11 months ago to random

In a perfect word, typos wouldn't exist.

Stoned_Deva_, 10 months ago to random

A history professor in college told us that indigenous people were "afraid of technology." He also brought in his historical gun collection, which was forcibly passed around.

I was livid and filed a formal complaint with the dean. He was reprimanded, made to apologize, and was not invited back the following semester.

I knew there was a likelihood I'd be targeted after the fact, which I was, but it didn't matter. I felt that I'd made a difference.

Stoned_Deva_, 4 months ago to random

Friday vibes

Stoned_Deva_, 3 months ago to random

I always finish what I start. The key is not really starting all that much.

Stoned_Deva_, 4 months ago to random

Remember how helpful the book book, "What to Expect When You're Expecting" was during pregnancy? They should make an entire series for all types of life events.

• What to Expect When You Become an Empty Nester
• What to Expect When You Divorce a Narcissist
• What to Expect When You Live Past 40 in a Shithole County Without Universal Healthcare

Stoned_Deva_, 1 month ago to random

Mom got a good shot. This was in Murphy, just northeast of Dallas.

Stoned_Deva_, 8 months ago to random

The world would be a much better place if so much of sarcasm wasn't lost in translation.

Stoned_Deva_, 1 year ago to random

Assert your dominance by climbing back into bed.

Stoned_Deva_, 1 year ago to random

On second thought, I think I can hold it.

Stoned_Deva_, 20 days ago to random

How I'd like to respond: I hope this email thumps you in the nads for sending me this bullshit on a Friday afternoon.

My actual response: Thanks for reaching out. I'd be happy to assist.

Stoned_Deva_, 4 months ago to random

The quiet calm between Christmas and New Year can be lonesome. Luckily, there's the constant gurgling of your stomach.

Stoned_Deva_, 6 months ago (edited 6 months ago) to random

Here are some cool pics from our hike yesterday at Memorial Park.

Stoned_Deva_, 10 months ago to random

Can't, busy boosting random shit lol

Stoned_Deva_, 10 months ago to random

Thanks for explaining my toot to me. I wondered what I was getting at

Stoned_Deva_, 4 months ago to random

Not quite the apple of my eye, more of a banana in my tailpipe