CactuarJoe,
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Folks, it is an hour until , the weekly monster movie watch party.

This week we're watching KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS (1977), which features William Shatner and about 5,000 spiders. If either of those things is a problem for you, I heartily recommend filtering this hashtag, which can be done in your Preferences.

If you'd like to join in, you can find the movie on Tubi and Archive.org: https://archive.org/details/KingdomOfSpiders

We start at 9pm Eastern!

CactuarJoe,
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Five minutes until the Spider is crowned! Last chance to set up a filter before anything you see is YOUR fault!

CactuarJoe,
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NOW BEGINS THE REIGN OF THE SPIDER QUEEN

CactuarJoe,
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Dimension Pictures International! Only two of them, though.

CactuarJoe,
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Aw man, it's The Beast of Hollow Mountain. Look, you can see the claymation T.Rex behind that bush.

CactuarJoe,
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This film drives a Ford F-150. :/

CactuarJoe,
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OH MY GOD THERE'S A SHEEP-MAN IN THE-- oh sorry wrong film

CactuarJoe,
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Are you about to be mean to this cow, movie? :/

CactuarJoe,
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Bertha got et by tiny velociraptors.

CactuarJoe,
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Look at that crisp white shirt on Shat.

CactuarJoe,
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Shat don't cotton to no dirty mouths on his women.

CactuarJoe,
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He's a COWBOY with a PAGER!? FOUL!!

CactuarJoe,
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Yeah, I'm just gonna be seeing sheep monsters through this whole movie.

CactuarJoe,
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This is how we get Spider-Cow, right? The Amazing Spider-Cow, does whatever a spider cow does.

CactuarJoe,
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"Calf's dead."

THE SENSITIVE VET

CactuarJoe,
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So why the Blacula driving music?

CactuarJoe,
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...Just occurred to me I didn't check DoesTheDogDie.com for this week >_>

CactuarJoe,
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Y'know, I don't think he actually said "gosh darnit"

Just sayin'

CactuarJoe,
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The first half-hour of this movie is just THICK with foreshadowing. We're on the dark side of the moon over here.

CactuarJoe,
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...Do tarantulas actually weave webs? I thought they were diggers and ambush predators.

CactuarJoe,
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Aaaw, the tarantula's following him home!

CactuarJoe,
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TWIGGY!?!?

CactuarJoe,
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This soundtrack really is all over the place, huh

CactuarJoe,
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Bummer, the Sheriff isn't Alan Hale Jr. Ah well, can't win 'em all.

CactuarJoe,
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YEAH, FUCK OFF SHAT

CactuarJoe,
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Verne and Betty Johnson, fresh out of the Empire of the Ants

CactuarJoe,
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And the Jaws music starts.... now

CactuarJoe,
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"Hi folks, I'm the spider! Welcome to my kingdom!"

CactuarJoe,
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...yeah okay, I love this lady.

CactuarJoe,
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So I was a little uncertain about the whole "do tarantulas spin webs" thing but I am absolutely certain they aren't colony builders.

CactuarJoe,
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That's strike two, Shat. Why not give it a rest before y'hurt yourself.

CactuarJoe,
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This banter is rancid, eeeeuch D:

CactuarJoe,
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My god, Shat is just oozing his way from scene to scene. He's greased, it's gross.

CactuarJoe,
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Ma'am you can beat the shit out of him if you want. :/

CactuarJoe,
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"Died in Vietnam."

CactuarJoe,
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"How do we get rid of them?"

Feed 'em. Buy 'em off.

CactuarJoe,
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Eeeech. Please don't kiss the Shat.

CactuarJoe,
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"Gross! I'm a tarantula and you made ME sicked out!"

CactuarJoe,
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Y'know, for all the warnings @Taweret put out about the spiders, I think Shat's incessant horniness if far more filter-worthy >_>

CactuarJoe,
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"Alright boys, initiate the retreat plan! Regroup at the pass, we'll arm up and retaliate at dawn!"

CactuarJoe,
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OOOOOOOKlahoma where the wiiiind comes sweeeeping down the plaaaaaain

CactuarJoe,
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When a man says he's gonna be fine that many times y'get the distinct impression we're about to have a needlessly destructive truck crash scene.

CactuarJoe,
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Guess we're about to see how hardcore this movie thinks it is. Will it kill the Cute Child?

CactuarJoe,
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BACKSEAT DRIVER

CactuarJoe,
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Sir, please stop rubbing the spider on your face.

CactuarJoe,
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I'm still unclear on why she likes Shat.

CactuarJoe,
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Oh, Colby had the skin-tightening procedure! Lookin' good.

CactuarJoe,
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"It'll KILL Colby--"

BAD CHOICE OF WORDS, MA'AM

CactuarJoe,
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If he keeps calling her honey, she'll be legally obligated to brain him with a tire iron.

CactuarJoe,
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So! Over-under on the spiders crashing the plane?

CactuarJoe,
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Aw hell, the spider missed his flight!

CactuarJoe,
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WHEEEEEEEEEEEE

CactuarJoe,
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CALLED IT aeronautic arachnids!

CactuarJoe,
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Shoutout to the pilot for screaming like a little girl for a solid five minutes on camera.

CactuarJoe,
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So. Like 90% of this movie is humans doing intensely stupid things, pissing the spiders off and paying a heavy karmic toll for it.

Once again, I am entirely on the monster's side.

CactuarJoe,
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"OH MY BAAAAAAYBEEE" bleugh

CactuarJoe,
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Well, they got the romantic spare outta the way, now Shat can creep on the entomologist without breaking any rules. >_>

CactuarJoe,
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This is gonna be like Tremors and the spiders are gonna take the phones out.

CactuarJoe,
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"The tarantulas have organized themselves into an aggressive army."

Someone left Mao's Little Red Book in the pet store and look what happened!

CactuarJoe,
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♫ When the spiiiiiiiders cooome baaaaaaack to Capistraaaaano~

CactuarJoe,
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He closes that door like "Sorry to disturb you sir, please, continue."

CactuarJoe,
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People in this part of Arizona are gonna develop a tradition of very large, wide shoes.

CactuarJoe,
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"Hardly any animals were harmed in the making of this film." >_>

CactuarJoe,
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And Shat THROWS THE KID ON THE FLOOR whadda hero

CactuarJoe,
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Uh, guys, I recognize and accept that you already spent like 10% of your budget on live spiders, but you MAYBE don't want to do closeups on the rubber ones. Kinda gives the game away.

CactuarJoe,
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PACKERS WON THE SUPERBOOOOOOWL YAAAAAAY

CactuarJoe,
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XD XD XD XD Sheriff died like a Looney Tunes cartoon this is spectacular :D

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