TheBreadmonkey

TheBreadmonkey, 1 month ago to random

Anyway - enough of all that. I've just realised I know / have met 3 people who claim not only to have met Elton John, but are friends with him. And the funny thing is that I don't believe any of them. I'm prepared to accept I might be wrong, but I do wonder if Elton John is in that sweet spot for people fond of telling porkies, where he's super famous but also seems accessible. Like would anyone here believe me if I said I know Elton (didn't even use his last name, just like I don't when we hang out)?

TheBreadmonkey, 1 month ago to random

What happened to combined shampoo and conditioner? Why are my family having to take two bottles into the shower? I thought things were supposed to be moving forwards not backwards. At this point we should be taking half a bottle or no bottle into the shower. Just taking a pill or having some kind of laser fired at our hair. SORT IT OUT, SHAMPOO AND/OR CONDITIONER INDUSTRY!

https://youtu.be/70-uISHj2vo

TheBreadmonkey, 10 days ago to random

Breaded fried tofu can get fucked

TheBreadmonkey, 8 months ago to random

When I first joined Fedi, I chose the name Al Gorithm as a bit of a joke. Still gives me a bit of a kick when people address me as Al (despite my real name being on my profile). However, foolishly thinking it was a unique joke, I've seen at least two other accounts with similar names, so I fear it might have become a bit 'old hat' as they say. So I'm thinking of changing the name I use on here. The best I've come up with so far is Jim.......... Ternet. Jim Ternet. Jimternet. IT SOUNDS LIKE INTERNET. It's awful, isn't it?

Jack Nicholson as an angry army man in court, shouting YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH

TheBreadmonkey, 1 month ago to random

'Monopoly' Movie From Margot Robbie in the Works
https://variety.com/2024/film/news/monopoly-movie-margot-robbie-lionsgate-1235966163/

TheBreadmonkey, 23 days ago to random

If I was on the news covering the election results, I would simply stand up and shout "STOP! You've said all of the words. It's DONE!"

I just think at some point you have to recognise all of the words have been said and anything further would be devoid of meaning. From that point on, anyone that says 'deliver/ed/ing' should have to go to prison.

TheBreadmonkey, 8 months ago to random

Happy Birthdays to @kimlockhartga and @talia_christine. Two of the cornerstones of the Federation (thank you for your service).

Wishing you both the very merriest of birthdays! 😘

🎉🎊🎂🎈🎁✨

Jackolas Blackolson in School of Rock. He's saluting enthusiastically in front of a blackboard and has on a brown suit and shirt and a nifty bow tie.

TheBreadmonkey, 7 months ago to random

Mastodon currently feels like the end of a party. Most of the normals have gone and we who remain are the hardcore. Or have problems at home. Or are desperately lonely. I may have lost control of this metaphor.

TheBreadmonkey, 2 months ago to random

I'm not afraid to say the things that need saying on the family group chat (if you ever wondered if I was any less exhausting irl...... spoiler alert - I'm not)

TheBreadmonkey, 7 months ago to random

I am very keen to see this, but can't find a copy anywhere...

https://youtu.be/kXCcfzMTjdc

TheBreadmonkey, 1 month ago to random

I know I've said this quite a few times, but I absolutely swear that every single time I look out of a front window / door, my neighbours are coming from or going somewhere. I must know why. I realise this seems like someone who's been at home too long and is losing their grip. But what could they possibly be doing. Imagine the cost of fuel if nothing else! Why is it always both of them? What could they be doing a dozen+ short car journeys every single day to do!? OK I've read this back to myself and it doesn't look great. I might need to go outside for a bit.

TheBreadmonkey, 1 month ago to random

I sometimes think the 1984 breakdance movie, Breakin', did more to form my whole personality and worldview than any of my peers or parental figures. I still honestly believe that if I really committed to it in my brain, like really believed in myself, I could do a backflip. Never done a backflip in my life. Never even done anything you might call backflip-adjacent. That, is the power of Breakin'.

TheBreadmonkey, 5 months ago to random

Social media

I like food
(random) You bastard! Some people don't have any!

I'm a bit hot today
(rando) You absolute arse! Some people are cold today!

I love breathing
(randominium) You're so selfish! Don't you know some people live at really high altitudes and experience thinner atmosphere!

I exist
((B)random (Flowers)) You evil monster! Don't you know some people don't exist!?

TheBreadmonkey, 1 month ago to random

Just found a load of photos in my camera roll from me on Sunday wearing a white fedora. I do not own a white fedora.

TheBreadmonkey, 1 month ago to random

ACAB includes Streethawk

https://youtu.be/6c_-KvMTOOc

TheBreadmonkey, 8 months ago to random

Unpopular opinion - one day I believe we will find, like that cat poo coffee that everyone used to drink - that letting wine breathe is a big old load of nonsense, made up to sell aerators.

TheBreadmonkey, 1 month ago to random

Chalking today up as a win. Several positive things went my way instead of against. I feel good and have decided to make garlic naan breads for tonights bolognese. Because why not. Beaming you all the very best and hope your evening is tremendous.

TheBreadmonkey, 1 month ago to random

Just found out my teenage children are secretly listening to jazz and I am genuinely shook

TheBreadmonkey, 1 month ago to random

I try not to pay attention to the constant, never-ending, inexorable stream of adverts being beamed into my face. But this one for yoghurt makes me crazy. It's called Fage. It's clearly called Fage. Only they're insisting it's pronounced 'Faya' (fire). I am sure this is retrofitted and refuse to believe anyone is calling it Faya. Stop lying to us, yoghurt people.

TheBreadmonkey, 4 months ago to random

Wearily I pick up my mobile device yet again. A dead weight in my hand and in my heart. Maybe this one will be the one that gets me discovered, I say to myself, typing yet more nonsense to vomit out into the world. Maybe this will be the magic combination of words that gets me my big break as Head Writer for Netflix, despite no relevant contacts, knowledge or talent. Maybe this time.

TheBreadmonkey, 2 months ago to random

Some of the responses to Dean's very reasonable post are absolutely insane. I've blocked the more clearly unhinged ones, but to anyone who disagrees with Dean and thinks that everyone should be responsible for everything all of the time I say this....... Please send me some money.

TheBreadmonkey, 2 months ago to random

Sad to hear they're discontinuing work on the Apple car

TheBreadmonkey, 18 days ago to random

Do you think there's ever been a sort of collective agreement in the history of humanity where most people have thought - yep, we're living through such a great period right now ?

I mean - 2012 felt pretty good to me. The Olympics. David Cameron left his daughter in the pub. Savile was outed. Malala survived a shooting. The Conservatives hadn't built up to full steam yet. That guy did a big jump from space. We had Gangnam Style. And that old woman ruined then hilariously repainted that Jesus fresco. That felt like a good year. Although Bieber and fucking Mumford and Sons were still going strong.

TheBreadmonkey, 6 months ago to random

I would like to see a function added to Mastodon whereby I can edit other people's posts

TheBreadmonkey, 8 months ago to random

I am once again appealing for follow suggestions.

Lot of the larger accounts seem to be backup / sporadic posters for people primarily on other platforms. I'm looking for the true Masto/Fedi Championés. People who are active contributers and committed to making this place their home.

More 'finger on the pulse'. More memes! More feral pigs and icebox plums.

Basically: more shared experiences.

I love seeing all of your interests, but please bear in mind that I am a big idiot and am primarily interested in the funnies.

Invite your friends! Tell your mums about me (sorry, I made this weird). X