batkaren

batkaren, 6 months ago to random

How much do you think it pays to be the mom in porn who’s asleep on the same bed while her daughter fucks her husband? No reason.

batkaren, 7 months ago to random

I’m genuinely uncomfortable with how many fairy tales are about a woman who's basically drugged then kissed by strangers while she's unconscious.

batkaren, 1 year ago to random

Starting to realize the A-Team running around with machine guns in a DIY-armored vehicle may actually be problematic.

batkaren, 5 months ago to random

Have we considered that Die Hard might not only be a Christmas movie, but may actually go a step further to be classifiable as a Hallmark-style holiday romcom?

batkaren, 10 months ago to random

They say "you snooze, you lose," which means I start every morning failing multiple times in 9-minute intervals.

batkaren, 7 months ago to random

Gotta teach em young about the power of the blockchain, The New Yorker.

batkaren, 5 months ago to random

bro can you even differentiate between a mace and a morningstar

batkaren, 8 months ago to random

As you get older, the number of shits you give reduces drastically…in direct proportion to the number of shits you now struggle to take.

batkaren, 10 days ago to random

Star Trek taught me that nobody watches movies or tv in the future. One might occasionally read a book, but it better be an old Earth classic (no later than 19th century) or some random made-up future alien shit.

batkaren, 8 months ago to random

Movies led me to believe life would require I crawl through a LOT more air ducts.

batkaren, 1 year ago to random

Shall I develop an English-to-TheNewYorker translator device and head over to your offices, The New Yorker?

batkaren, 1 month ago to random

Sucks you can’t wander the night wood clad only in white gossamer set aglow by moonlight anymore.

Climate collapse really fucked shit up.

batkaren, 9 months ago to random

When writing science fiction, always Google your made-up planet name; 9 times out of 10, it's an existing yeast infection medication.

batkaren, 9 months ago to random

Do not attempt to squeeze into standard-sized train if you are gigantic. Stop struggling against the banishment.

batkaren, 1 year ago to random

I look around at the Matrix loading program, then at Morpheus.

“Riddle me this, Big Yoda: how is it more efficient feeding off biological output than just using the fuel provided to sustain those lives to avoid losing energy during transfer?”

batkaren, 1 year ago to random

“Make it a double,” I slur, dumping a second packet of hot cocoa mix into my mug.

batkaren, 11 months ago to random

I moved past flirting and am about to start giving disaster a blow job.

batkaren, 11 months ago to random

So crazy how everyone thinks they have the cutest dog but somehow I actually do??

batkaren, 1 month ago to random

Writing Yelp reviews for all my neighborhood diners, indicating “not an excessive number of teeth in the omelet” on each.

batkaren, 11 months ago to random

How was I supposed to know unleashing 342 cats in a club would turn to bone-chilling horror once the disco balls started up?

batkaren, 9 months ago to random

Dances with Wolves (1990): Some white guy becomes the best Native American ever.

batkaren, 6 months ago to random

Think Han ever got Chewie a poodle cut?

batkaren, 9 months ago to random

"I had you pegged wrong," I say, removing the strap-on from his urethra.

batkaren, 4 months ago to random

This is the one, The New Yorker, I can feel it in my groin!

batkaren, 3 months ago to random

If one simply must monger, might I suggest fish or cheese, as opposed to…say…fear or war.