StefanThinks

theropologist, 7 months ago to random

When you cut through the alley on your way home from school and old Spaghetti Jones offers you a free sample of buttered noodles, and next thing you know you're passed out in the gutter dreaming creamy Alfredo dreams while a mangy old dog licks parmesan cheese off your face.

j3j5, 7 months ago to random

I had to make it in English as well 🙈

StefanThinks, 7 months ago to random

Alexa, how do I become a nepo baby?

maxleibman, 7 months ago (edited 7 months ago) to infosec

Boss: Why haven't you done any of the work I gave you?

Me: What work?

Boss: From my emails!

Me: Oh, I deleted those.

Boss: WHAT?!

Me: I thought they were phishing attempts.

Boss: Why?

Me: The IT security training said typos and unexpected requests were clues to spot phishing.

#infosec #email #phishing

Aikiwomannc, 7 months ago to random

Me: Shaking a frozen/thawed mouse around to feed my snake is kind of like doing a Weekend at Bernie's with Mickey Mouse.

Him: Not quite what I had in mind for an icebreaker but okay.

LRRRonEarth, 7 months ago to random

YOU CAN REPLY TO MOST LINKEDIN POSTS WITH "DO YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME!?!?!"

TheBreadmonkey, 7 months ago to random

If I had super powers I would immediately go out and commit an unbelievable amount of crime

rephlex00, 7 months ago to random

I’m looking for a friend with benefits. As in, they provide me with health insurance and friendship.

scubbo, 8 months ago to random

Wake up babe, Godwin's Second Law just dropped

talia_christine, 8 months ago to random

Venn diagram of people who don't understand jokes and people who don't know how to keep scrolling.

batkaren, 8 months ago to random

Movies led me to believe life would require I crawl through a LOT more air ducts.

jasmine, 8 months ago to random

My wish is for every single future trans person to be able to accept themselves without ever having to first reach that sorry state of “fuck it, it's either this or death, so just fuck everything”.

The passage through that point of pain is so pointless. We deserve to start out from a place of joy.

OmniscientOrb, 8 months ago to random

it would be a mistake to try to collect the bounty on my head

adhdeanasl, 9 months ago to random

BRB gonna learn some super basic facts about Judaism and convince a bunch of Christian evangelicals I’m a prophet for a quick buck or two

laurentoget, 10 months ago to random

I live in Texas - This kid who died because of Abbot's buoys was killed with my tax money and this make me so angry.

ElleGray, 10 months ago (edited 8 months ago) to random

What if Schrödinger's box had a third option

#caturday

unclepj, 11 months ago to random

I was just thinking… is America the rest of the world’s Florida?

Alice, 11 months ago to random

[Trying to flirt with my childhood crush]

“So, is there a Mrs. Wizard?”

UncleDuke1969, 11 months ago to random

the idea of being visited by aliens lost its appeal when i realized they’d likely just be some other planet’s asshole billionaires

mayaisloading, 11 months ago to random

Feeling the pressure of a big task

Dividing it into smaller tasks

Feeling the pressure of so many tasks

Liffonmelsmork, 11 months ago to random

ME: Make the paragraph go here
MICROSOFT WORD: No
ME:
MICROSOFT WORD:
ME: I'd like to speak with the paperclip

sezduck, 1 year ago to random

Some people post the weirdest, most nonsensical bullshit on here.

I would like to sincerely thank those people.

evacide, 1 year ago to random

I don't understand the people who told me I would get more conservative with age. The more powerful I become, the more angry I get at the people who abuse their power and the more aware I become of the ways in which systemic oppression functions.

theropologist, 1 year ago to random

What is Beige? It is an intelligible joke—a joke known to mind, not to the senses—whose center is everywhere and whose circumference nowhere.

Alice, 1 year ago to random

It seems like every person born before 1980 has a baby photo of them being bathed in a kitchen sink and I have a theory that most of it stopped when people got dishwashers and realized it was a much more convenient way to clean their children.