markwyner, to dadjokes
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

What do you call a man who fights tigers?

Claude.

markwyner, to dadjokes
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

Interviewer: can you explain all this space on your resume?

Applicant: well, isn’t this NASA?

markwyner, to dadjokes
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

Passenger: what powers this aircraft?

Pilot: which craft?

Passenger: wow, I thought it was jet fuel.

markwyner, (edited ) to dadjokes
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

My girlfriend yelled at me because I don’t know directions.

So I packed up my stuff and right.

markwyner, to dadjokes
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

Milk is the fastest liquid on earth.

It’s pasteurized before we can even see it.

markwyner, to dadjokes
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

If you watch an Apple store get robbed, are you an iWitness?

markwyner, to dadjokes
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

Doctor: what are your symptoms?

Me: I keep hearing a buzzing.

Doctor: oh, that’s just a bug going around.

markwyner, to dadjokes
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

What’s blue and smells like red paint?

Blue paint.

markwyner, to dadjokes
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

Dogs can’t read an MRI.

But cat scan.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

daddyjoker, to dadjokes
@daddyjoker@mastodon.online avatar

I have adopted a pet termite and I am calling him Clint. Clint Eatswood.

dennisl, to puns

Why did the chicken go to the gym?

To work on his pecks.

filenine, to programming
@filenine@hachyderm.io avatar

i'm reading SICP

pros: i know enough about SICP to shitpost about it
cons: i only know enough about SICP to shitpost about it
cons: is the scheme list constructor

markwyner, to dadjokes
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

The Earth is made up of 70% water which isn’t carbonated.

So technically it’s flat.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

GriffinGroup, to puns

My wife wouldn’t stop criticising me for having a terrible sense of direction...

So, I packed my bags and right.

negativeprimes, to puns
@negativeprimes@urusai.social avatar

When a pronoun collides with an antinoun, they annihilate each other in a burst of grammar rays.

elplatt, to math
@elplatt@greatjustice.net avatar

Imaginary numbers are all fun and games until someone loses an i

daddyjoker, to dadjokes
@daddyjoker@mastodon.online avatar

I said to my girlfriend,'I want you to have this bracelet, it belonged to my Grandmother' She said, 'Thank you, but what does DNR mean'?.

markwyner, to dadjokes
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

Did you hear about the big Lego sale?

People were lined up for blocks.

LibertyForward1, to ADHD
@LibertyForward1@beige.party avatar

I'm far too fascinated with far too many topics. I've compiled an exhaustive list of hashtags for some of those interests; I'll try to do better about keeping it current and updated.

#ADHD #AdoptDontShop #Antifa #AntiNarcissism #Apatheist #BasicIncome #Bioswales #Bisexual #BLM #BorderCollies #BPD #Cannabis #CatsofMastodon #ClimateChange #Comedy #Compersion #Cooperatives #DadJokes #DBT #Debian #Democracy #Democrat #DemocraticSocialism #Depression #DisposablePeople #DogsofMastodon #EatTheRich #ElderMillenial #Empathy #EndCorporateWelfare #Equality #ExcessiveHashtags #ExecutiveDisfunction #FBR #GallowsHumor #History #Humanist #HumanRights #IStandWithUkraine #JusticeMatters #LegalizeIt #LGBTQ+ #LiberalAF #Linux #LoveIsLove #MaskUp #MentalIllness #MutualAid #NonSequiturs #Persist #Polyamory #ProChoice #Progressive #ProudWoke #Puns #Resist #Solidarity #Spaceballs #TwitterMigration #UBI #UnionStrong #USA #USPol #Vaccinated #VoteBlue #VotingRights #WeirdoLib #Weltschmerz #WokeAF #Xennial

GriffinGroup, to puns

A threesome involves three people, a twosome involves two people...

That's why they call me handsome.

markwyner, to dadjokes
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone.

Then it dawned on me.

cynical13, to puns
@cynical13@vivaldi.net avatar

I have the superhuman ability to detect Indian flatbread within a certain proximity. I know, I know... it sounds like naan sense.

markwyner, to dadjokes
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

My friend keeps saying “cheer up. You could be stuck in an underground hole filled with water.”

I know he means well.

custardfist, to webcomics

'𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐁𝐔𝐋𝐋' 🐂

More silly comics on https://custardfist.com

#webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist #bull #bulls #charge #pun #puns #badpun #badpuns

markwyner, to dadjokes
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

I applied for a job hanging mirrors.

It’s something I can see myself doing.

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