EllenInEdmonton

@EllenInEdmonton@mstdn.ca

English teacher to adults adjusting to a slower pace in #YEG after life in HCMC, Việt Nam. Lots of interests & connections.
Sorry, I don't follow empty accounts or boosters. I hide most boosts.
She/her
#YegBike
#Sewist
#Houseplants
#Paddling
#Books
#Genealogy
#Travel
#Camping
#Hiking

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RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

It's so weird when people brag that they never cry. I get it buddy, I've been a repressive coper too, but I'm not proud of it.

EllenInEdmonton,

@RickiTarr
I knew that I was on the WRONG antidepressant when I stopped crying! No way that I wanted my feelings blunted that much, even if public crying is embarrassing.

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

Are you the person you always thought you would be?

EllenInEdmonton,

@RickiTarr Not even remotely! I mean my gender and name are the same, but...

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

If you have to do something you really don't want to do, how do you get yourself to do it?

EllenInEdmonton,

@RickiTarr
I have the best luck when I make plans to do it with another person. In the case of cleaning my space, that requires an impending visit by another person.

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

I'm going to open up a discussion about how people actually live with Boundaries. This isn't a place to be judgemental about other people's choices, we all rationalize things, and make the best we can out of difficult circumstances.

Many of you know I care for my mother who is paraplegic, the level of care my husband and I give her is on the high end, it would be incredibly difficult for one person to do everything that would need to be done. This might sound ugly, but my mother was not a good mother, she frantically switched back and forth between helicopter parenting and outright neglect. She also doesn't think she has issues, and would never go to any therapy that wasn't "Christian" or take any kind of medication for mental health. I spent my childhood caring for her, my father and my siblings, and I still care for her. Understandably, people ask why, and it's a hard thing for me to answer. I do try very hard to set Boundaries with her now, but it probably isn't enough all the time, burn out is high for caregivers in the best of situations, and I can't pretend this is that. It feels like most of us compromise on something, especially with family.

So, what are your experiences with this kind of thing? What do you rationalize? What have you learned?
This is more about sharing personal experiences than to preach at people about their choices, so please keep that in mind when you reply.

EllenInEdmonton,

@RickiTarr
I'm on the other side of those boundaries right now with my adult kids and that's pretty heartbreaking. One of them had several discussions with me prior to cutting me off and has given me a prospective date when communication may resume. The other didn't discuss it at all in advance and that one has kids who are missing out on quality time with a loving and supportive grandma. I'm trying to respect both kids needs but it isn't easy.

inquiline, to random
@inquiline@union.place avatar

No one ever admits that the first stage of "decluttering" is horrible, horrible recluttering

EllenInEdmonton,

@inquiline
Haha, my plan is to use January every year for this process, one little nest of crap at a time. It's a lifelong process but I was happy with last year's results.

EllenInEdmonton, to cycling

Sad morning. After returning a day early from a smoky, wet paddling trip. I was awoken at 0645 hours by the cops to tell me that someone had broken into my vehicle. The culprits found the only valuable item that was in the car: my gorgeous #TernBike. I really hope that the fact that it's one-of-a-kind around town will work in my favour in this case. In the meantime, I won't be going out on #GroupRides for awhile. #BikeTooter, #YEG

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

Did people used to look older?

EllenInEdmonton,

@RickiTarr 100%
The parents on my block all dressed like they were headed to a funeral and the women all had hair they put in curlers every night. They look super-old to me now and I'm a good 30-40 years older now than they were then!

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

Okay, I'm thinking about gift giving today. A little backstory about why:

Every year my Father-in-law attempts to get my Mother-in-law a gift. She is a bit of a shopper, and is notoriously difficult to shop for. Every year he gets her something he guesses a woman would like (perfume, sweater, jewelry), and every year she doesn't really like it, and ends up begrudgingly using it or returns it. They have been married over 30 years, and seem to have a pretty good marriage otherwise. It's like she wants him to magically understand what she wants, and he is sort of equally bad at the whole thing too. I will never understand why they don't just have a conversation about this. Just for extra fun, she is the most bizarre gift giver, also, to the point that it has become an annual tradition that I show my friends what she got us. A small list of things we have gotten:

A couch cover with grapes on it
A sexy nightgown
A painting of the house they live in
A gourd painted to look like a cat eating a bird
A package of tea that I would have absolutely loved, stuffed with cheap tea bags
Children's Lego sets
Toy trains
Underwear that didn't fit either of us
A wooden board covered in seashells that is supposed to hold a curling iron
A waterproof bed cover

I could go on and on. Just to clarify this doesn't bother me or my husband at all, we actually get a kick out of the weirdness. I don't personally care about presents much, I'm more of an experiences person.

SO, if you've managed to get this far, how do you feel about gift giving/getting? Feel free to elaborate and give examples!

EllenInEdmonton,

@RickiTarr
My kids refused all gifts about a dozen years ago and now, we get each other small, often edible gits, if any. I prefer presence over presence so try to pay for things like shared meals, camping, or other shared experiences.

mmiasma, to random
@mmiasma@mastodon.sdf.org avatar

Red lines and rodeo clowns.

Shit. I've written before about how COVID vaccines/boosters kicked my ass every time I got one. It felt like I was assaulted by rodeo clowns every time I got one.

Well the real rodeo clowns showed up last night and the ass-kicking was both real and energetic.

Please get your vaccines and boosters and stay on top of it - I don't even want to imagine just how bad this would be if I hadn't, and wear a mask. It's important.


EllenInEdmonton,

@mmiasma
Oh, so frustrating to be defeated by that damn virus but the vaccines and masking definitely help with outcomes. Talk to your people about whether or not Paxlovid is an option. I was glad to add to my arsenal this fall. I hadn't realized that my semi-annual injectable medication for osteoporosis was an immuno-suppressant. Now I know.

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

Me, when I'm about to critique someone's taste in music online:

EllenInEdmonton,

@RickiTarr
Most makeup will come off with an application of grease (i.e. Vaseline) and elbow grease!
-Useful things I learned when doing makeup for our high school musical

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

When I hear older people say they wish they had the energy they had in their 40's:

EllenInEdmonton,

@RickiTarr @Subumbral
Oh, my 40s were the MOST hectic years!! Things really got much smoother after that. I also learned to go to bed at night, which was surprisingly helpful!

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

What's your favorite ice cream or frozen treat?

EllenInEdmonton,

@RickiTarr
I rarely buy ice cream but I was quite sad to discover I missed the window for buying peppermint candy ice cream!

EllenInEdmonton, to cycling

STOLEN
Folding bike stolen from locked car near Whyte Avenue and 107 Street.

@ternbicycles

Bright yellow folding Tern bike, in front of a woman.

EllenInEdmonton, to random

Had a wonderful lunch, with a long-term friend, 25 years after he moved to and started a family there. They'll be waiting for another 2-3 weeks to return to their home and life. While we were eating, my friend's son noticed that there was a bat on the outside wall of the restaurant. So cute and so sound asleep. It seems odd to see them in such an urban environment although I saw plenty in @senanthic: thought you'd enjoy. Hope you're feeling better.

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

This chart is really interesting to me, because it's something I've been thinking about lately. People of all ages have different kinds of intelligence, and perspectives to offer no matter the age.

EllenInEdmonton,

@RickiTarr Ha, I'm in my peak years for vocab and crystallized intelligence. I feel like this is really the case, at least in part because my brain is no longer busy with work or child-rearing drama. It's a bit of a shame about the body, though!!

stephanie, to random
@stephanie@ottawa.place avatar

I totally understand wanting kids. But my SIL is stuck in her car, in her garage, waiting for both kids to wake up, and this is really not appealing to me 😆

EllenInEdmonton,

@stephanie
Haha, parenting life is FULL of stories like this!! And still, for me, I feel like parenting was the best thing I ever did, even though my kids don't agree with me. I'm so happy they're here and that so many aspects of their lives are going so well. And raising them was full of delights as well as challenges.

EllenInEdmonton, to random

Finally, day again after a long winter hibernation! I have really missed this fermented delight over the last few months.

senanthic, to random

me: I will support you in any way possible

also me: I will die before I accept help

EllenInEdmonton,

@senanthic
Haha, and the offer still stands if food or other essentials are required! It's taken me many decades but I think I'm finally at a space where I can acknowledge that accepting help usually makes the helper feel good about being able to give aid.

stephanie, to random
@stephanie@ottawa.place avatar

Ah yes, I love when a client gives me a long list of "how to translate these phrases" and "be precise (by keeping the English verb tenses, etc.)" with their request.

EllenInEdmonton,

@stephanie
Compassion fatigue is a very real risk when doing helping work. It's important to have some non-work activities that fully engage the brain, in order to get a real break from the intensity. Be well.

dnc, to Korea
@dnc@vive.im avatar

deleted_by_moderator

    •
    EllenInEdmonton,

    @dnc Bookmarking your itinerary! I hope to visit for at least 3 weeks, spring/2025 and I'd like to be able to visit the unique places around te country. The train and transit system makes it pretty easy to get around the country, thankfully.

    Pentapod, to random

    After waiting 53 hours for a simple battery jump, I am really starting to wonder why I pay for a membership. Yes, it’s a cold snap. This should not be a surprise in Alberta.

    EllenInEdmonton,

    @UrbanEdm @Pentapod
    Yeah, I've had both types of experiences. When you need services in extreme cold, it can be nearly impossible to get a truck.

    ned, (edited ) to random

    There are two other things that have been bothering me since working at the bakery, which were nowhere near as debilitating as the infection in my thumb, and were therefore swept under the rug, but they are now persisting longer after the infection is gone. One is this itchy red rash on my left eye lid, and the other is a deep soreness in my right index finger, which had for a while required me to use two hands to push down the pump for soap and shampoo.

    EllenInEdmonton,

    @ned
    Ugh, that looks bad. My daughter had eczema most of her life and with an elimination diet, determined that gluten was the problem. She gets flare-ups with pretty slight exposure so she mainly stays gluten-free. One thing I've heard is that gluten intolerance may actually be a reaction to glyphosate but that's in most North American food products these days.

    pattykimura, to random
    @pattykimura@beige.party avatar

    I woke to realize how few years, statistically, I have left on this earth. Time to get cracking!

    Less years, even, to continue to work -- I better get my files in order for the next person. Clean up the bedroom. Love the cat, and my beloved wife. Learn new things, unexpected things.

    I am not afraid of aging, I am more curious about what life and the world might be if I outlive my statistical end and get to see 100. My mom made it to 97, my grandma to 105.

    Curiosity has always out weighed fear, in my life.

    Happy New Year to the curious, the fearful, the undecided, all!

    EllenInEdmonton,

    @pattykimura
    I had a lot of paternal family members who made it into their 90s and I don't think that's a milestone that I want to achieve. Still, I'm busily storing up experiences and learning to keep me company as I age. Really enjoying the journey.

    stephanie, to random
    @stephanie@ottawa.place avatar

    I wish we could mute Superbowl, but not superbOwl 😂

    EllenInEdmonton,

    @stephanie
    Same, sister!! I have muted almost all sportsball hashtags so I'm mainly getting content from baffled folks who have tuned in because a great pop singer is affiliated with this event!
    Here is a from in 2018!

    18+ ned, to random

    Frick, it's getting worse. Swollen red and extremely tender and sore. :(

    EllenInEdmonton,

    @ned
    Oh, I'd be heading straight for the nearest available medical care! Also, the nurses at 811 will try to be as helpful as they possibly can be.

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