He has to wear a tory 2024 t-shirt for 2 weeks and see how people react. So far he's been spat on, punched, had a bottle thrown at him and hit on the head with a shoe.
I'm curious to see what happens when he goes outside.
Some jokes can bear adaptation down the ages. I never tire of updating the following to keep up with the times:
Walking along the quay I saw Maggie Thatcher and Sir Keith Joseph drowning in separate docks. There was only one life-belt. I had a hard decision to make - should I have pizza or beans-on-toast for my tea?
Looking for an old Irish friend called Kieron O'Connor who lived around the Elephant and Castle from the eighties until nearly two decades ago (specifically Rockingham and Borough). He moved back to Ireland (Cork?) and I'd love to get back in touch. Probably about 65 now.
A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"Do you really talk?" he asks the dog.
"Yes," the Labrador replies.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story."
The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I was sold to the SAS. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years".
"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow Airport to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals".
"Then I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired."
The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.
"Ten quid," the owner says.
"£10! But your dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"
"Because he's a lying bastard, he's never been out of the garden."
@davep This reminds me of my late mother-in-law, complaining in a broad Scots accent to the motel receptionist at check out about the mouse in her room the previous night. “But…but how did it get in?” said the bemused receptionist, obviously picturing a moose trying to manoeuvre its antlers through the door of my mother-in-law’s room….
A man is sitting next to his newborn baby's cot. From the other room his father comes in and lays a hand on his shoulder.
"You've done really well, mate. You'll make a brilliant dad."
The son looks up and smiles with a bit of anxiety in his voice. "Thanks, Dad. I really hope so."
The old man pulls out a small book from his back pocket and hands it to his son. "Now that you're a parent, I'd like you to have this. I studied it for the first year of your life and memorised every single one. I'd love you to use it for my grandson."
The son looks at the cover which is titled 1000 Dad Jokes To Annoy Your Children. He looks up with tears in his eyes. "Dad...I'm honoured."
I tried donating blood today. Never again, I'll tell you. So many questions! 'Why do you want to donate blood?' 'Whose blood is it?' 'Why is it in a bucket? '