Ein ganz starkes Zeichen aus den #Fußball-Fanszenen an alle #queeren #Profis, die unter der allgemeinen und in dieser Blase besonders ausgeprägten #Queerfeindlichkeit leiden:
"Ihr allein entscheidet über das Wann und Wo Eurer #ComingOuts. Aber wenn es so weit ist, sind wir da."
"Wir werden weder jetzt noch dann schweigen. Denn uns alle eint ein starkes Band: die #Liebe zum Fußball."
Coming Out im Fußball: "Der 17. Mai ist nur ein Startpunkt"
Die Kampagne "Sports Free" plant heute am internationalen Tag gegen Homophobie ein Gruppen-Coming-Out im Fußball. Das Ziel: Sichtbarkeit schaffen. Noch ist aber unklar, ob auch Profi-Fußballer mitmachen werden. Von S. Zdrzalek.
I have been incredibly lucky with my coming out, and I know it. Apart from my ex-wife's initial reaction, I have been met with nothing but support and acceptance. In some occasions, it goes even beyond that, and that acceptance comes with a dollop of kindness and love on top.
Take today, for example. I was feeling under the weather so I called in sick and went to the doctor. My GP was busy so I had to go to another doctor in the clinic, to whom I had to explain the discrepancy between my presentation and the name and gender in my file. After he asked me about HRT, he added that he had a lot of respect for trans people because he couldn't imagine how hard it must be to take this step and asked how I was feeling about it and what my experience had been like so far.
A bit later, picking up the 3-year-old at the creche, there was only one teacher left, a very sweet and friendly one who has babysat the kids a few times and is the closest to us there. She apologised that she hadn't spoken to me all week, but she was always busy when I was there, and she really wanted to tell me how much she admired and respected what I had done. Also, she said she and another teacher remarked how much happier I seemed now and that that in turn made her very happy. ♥️ I ended up staying a bit longer to talk to her about transition and, well, just girly things in general.
I am truly blessed. I never imagined when I started coming out that this path would have had so much starlight illuminating it. I know there will be transphobia and some bad moments in the future, but when they do happen I can take solace in all the kindness I have received so far. This is how it should always be.
Of all the comings-out we have to do as trans folks, telling our parents is one of the very hardest. What it even means to be trans has changed so much that it can be incredibly hard to even get them to understand what your gender is.
This week on #StainedGlassWoman, we've got "Oh, s#!t, my child just told me they're trans," a guide meant to be handed off to parents of trans teens and adult children, to help them get there.
Coming out is often not a linear process for nonbinary people.
Only a few of our labels are remembered by our societies, and those few labels are not all the same ones. So, you must effectively teach a course on gender to those you come out to. To make matters more murky, you might've come out once already about your orientation or another label.
Our lives aren't cute tv shows with simple endings. Allow yourself some room to improvise, and pat yourself on the back for getting it done.
I have been silent the last few days here, because the last few days have been intense, and what lies ahead will only be more so. Friday was a massive milestone: it was the last day of my probation period at my job. One of the main reasons for me to still be in the closet was the fact that I was terrified of coming out during this period, where it would be much easier for any company to ditch me without justification. It doesn't mean I can't be fired now, but it needs to have a proper reason behind it. So, that was a big moment to overcome. On Friday afternoon, I sent an email to HR's diversity and inclusion officer, but she was out of office, so I will probably hear back from her tomorrow.
On Saturday, I got the keys to my new place. I spent most of the day hopping from store to store, looking for kitchen supplies and all the little things that you never realise you need until the moment they are missing. Today, I cleaned the new place up (the previous tenants left it in less-than-stellar conditions) and started organising the stuff I have already bought.
And over the next 2 weeks, this is only going to ramp up. On Wednesday I will come out to my boss. On Friday, I will get a bunch of the big items in the new place: furniture, TV, washing machine, the first groceries batch. Over the weekend, I will start assembling the furniture, moving my clothes, all my tech stuff, my books. The following Wednesday I will come out to my team. And on Thursday I will move the last of my stuff over.
Most importantly, today we told the 6-year-old we are divorcing. I had been dreading this moment for so long. He has a bit of an anger management problem, and can be really hard to read. Sometimes the most meaningless of things can trigger him into a rage. We didn't want to tell him that my transition was the reason for the divorce precisely because of this; since he has accepted my transition so well, we didn't want him to react badly to it now that it was so close.
Overall, it went well. He cried, and we with him, and we hugged a lot, but after half an hour he was already excited about having a new room. "Can I have toys there?" The kids came along today to see the new place and he seemed genuinely happy about it. I know kids tend to be more adaptive and resilient than we think, but even so it was surprising to see him settle so quickly. I would imagine there will be issues at some point, but for now I am happy at where we are. That was one hell of a big box to tick. Just keep swimming…
So my boss had a bit of free time this afternoon, and we were both in the office, so she asked me if we wanted to have our one-on-one now… and I said yes.
I was really nervous going in the meeting room, my hands were shaking. But she was good, very supportive, and asked what she could do to help my transition at work. She even volunteered to reach out to HR to monitor the process and make sure everything goes well. Realistically speaking, I don’t think it could have gone much better than this. One more big milestone checked. Just keep swimming…
Tomorrow is the big day at work. I have drafted the email and gotten feedback from both the HR officer (“beautifully written” was her only comment ☺️) and my boss. I received confirmation from HR that my name, gender and email change will take place tomorrow at 5, soon after I send out the email. It’s incredible how smoothly this process has gone so far. It almost feels too easy. I am a lucky gal.
After this, I will go on holidays for 10 days, as I move to my new place and settle down in a completely new life. Coming out at work is the last real barrier, in truth; even though I will only make it official on Sunday with a post on socials, I plan to be female presenting before that. There is a trans event in the city’s library on Thursday evening, a small trans gathering at a local association on Friday evening, and of course I’ll get my first girl haircut and have my first shopping trip with the girls, all before Sunday.
It feels almost unreal to stand here. When I set 31 March as my coming out day, it was more than 5 months away. I felt confident I could handle that. It felt like a short period of time. It turned out to be the worst and longest 5 months of my life. But now it’s done, and I can barely believe it.
I am not coming out of the closet, I am burning the motherfucker down. I can be myself. I can be her. I have been waiting my whole life for this, even if for long periods of time I had no idea; I intend to enjoy every single moment. #Trans#ComingOut
When I saw what currently happens in the US in terms of #DontSayGay and other #AntiLgbtLegislation, I felt the need to write about a generation of young #queer people who grew up with #SameSexMarriage and #ComingOut vlogs on #YouTube, who never had to look for emergency exits in gay bars in their lives before
In Folge #41 sprechen wir mit Christoph Schmitz (ver.di) über Sportler*innen und Gewerkschaft, schauen auf Nations League und „Das letzte Tabu“, Transferrekorde und den skandalösen Umgang mit Fans. Der Kackspecht fliegt nach Paris, wo Menschen den Spielen weichen müssen.
On Friday I had a meeting at a local queer community centre, with a specific group that was created for people who came out later in life. This was the first group I ever had contact with in the community and they were a lifeline to me in a moment when I didn't know what my life could turn out to be. I love this group and I haven't missed a meeting since.
This time around, I was discussing my coming out and how I need to buy a ton of clothes around that date (btw, I'm coming out on 31/1 - Trans day of visibility AND Easter Sunday. I like symbolism, sue me) but that it was a bit scary to go alone in a women's clothing store. Immediately 2 cis women volunteered to spend the afternoon of the 30th with me running from one shop to the next, and another, who can't be available that day, volunteered to do that the following week.
Then, one of them asked me what did I plan to do on the 31st, to which I said I had no plans. I just wanted to post something online announcing to the world that I am trans. So they asked “Can we pass by your place to celebrate? Surely you must want to celebrate this moment?” And it hit me. OF COURSE. For months I have been fantasising about my coming out and had completely forgotten about what to do with the rest of the day. I am going to be way too energised and walking on clouds to just sit alone at home. So I am having a bunch of queer women over for a glass of wine and some dancing.
I really love the queer community. These wonderful people make my life better. ♥️🏳️🌈
A couple of months ago, I read something on here that quite literally changed my life. It sent me on an unexpected journey of self-discovery that continues to this day. When you’re 54, you don’t expect too many surprises about who you are. But when I read a thread on here about being autistic, something just clicked. So I went down the rabbit hole, read a bunch of articles, did some self-evaluations, and came to the inescapable conclusion that I am autistic. #actuallyautistic
@johncormier YES! I often report that #unmasking feels so much like #ComingOut as #LGBTQ. Your description is spot on. The process never ends, especially when our difference is #invisible. I really appreciate your sharing your journey! It’s a message more people should hear. The struggle is real.
I’m the CEO of the Self Actualisation Support Society, a Canadian nonprofit organization dedicated to helping ensure accessible resources for the #trans community and setting up for more active advocacy.
In therapy today, I was noting that when I accepted I was trans, along with that I was accepting that my life might be about to be absolutely wrecked. I was hopeful my wife would accept me (and she did! Yay!), but I wasn’t sure. I was hopeful that my children’s schools would accept me, but I was worried they wouldn’t. The list goes on.
I want people to know that I was willing to accept that I couldn’t have the good things that were in my life in order to be whole, not because I was oh-so-brave to do it, but because as sad and painful as losing those things sounds, consider how much more painful NOT being whole must be.
Thus far, my social transition has gone very positively, and that has been wonderful for me and for my family. I have been lucky enough to not have been forced to pay those prices. I want cis people to know that just not being an asshole about someone else transitioning can really help not just one trans person but also everyone close to them.
Hitzlsperger über sein Coming-out: "Es gibt allen Grund, sich zu trauen"
Das Coming-out von Ex-Nationalspieler Hitzlsperger liegt zehn Jahre zurück. Das eines aktiven Profis gab es hierzulande immer noch nicht. Was Hitzlsperger heute über den Schritt denkt und was sich verändert hat, erzählt er im Interview.
"It strikes me, and may strike you, as a bit crazy to come out as #transgender in an essay like this. I’m publicly revealing myself to be a member of a marginalized community in the midst of a moral panic targeting our very existence."
Today is a heavy and Momentous day for me. As some of you who knew me before, 1 year ago today my best friend since childhood died. From diagnosis to dead in 3 months. He was just shy of his 46th birthday. Again, fuck cancer.
He was the best man (and literally my best man in the before times) I've ever known. He made me want to be a better person.
And so I've tried to become a better person to honor him, to become the best Jennifer I could possibly be.
This month has been Momentous. Starting month 6 of HRT, going out as myself for only the second time with my dear sister Valerie. And with her getting my ears pierced, using the women's restroom and being correctly Gendered for the very first time. It's since happened a couple times and I'll never get tired of it.
And Friday I came out to my in-laws, and I was shocked to find out they were loving and supportive about it.
Today I'm sending a version of the text I sent them go my two sister-in-law. I'm boarding a plane soon and will probably hit send right before take off. Hopefully I land to acceptance. But it doesn't matter, I will essentially be out at that point, and I'm so ready.
So in the hope it helps somebody else, here is what I wrote them:
"Hi! There's something we want to tell you guys about. Something beautiful and wonderful, that we just can't hold in anymore.
Last year my best friend Jeremy got sick and died, in the prime of his life. And I realized...life is short and tomorrow isn't guaranteed. And it was time to make an attempt to come alive again.
So I started taking care of myself. Started dieting, started therapy. Started by ignoring the obvious truth staring me in the face and making a last attempt to be happy with who I was. And as I lost weight and went to therapy and did a lot of soul searching, a lifetime of denial and repression and sadness came flooding back. I started visualizing the end goal, and what I realized is that even after I lose the weight, even after I do the mental work, I'd still be a failure as a man. Because...I'm not a man, I'm a woman, and I always have been. I've fought this my entire life and i just didnt have it in me anymore. Not if I wanted to live.
Every time I saw a reflection of myself I saw a face that didn't belong to me, and my chest would grow tight until I couldn't breathe, and I'd feel as if I was drowning, but nobody could see me being dragged into the murky depths. Transition is literally saving my marriage, my family, and my life.
So that's pretty much it. We're happier than we've ever been and want to share that with our family and the world. We hope you'll welcome me as a sister as you welcolmed me as a brother. When you're ready, we'd be happy to talk about it. Just let us know. Love you all!"
"...auch Billie Eilish und die Entwicklung, für die sie steht, sind eine Entpolitisierung. Für sie mag es keine großen Konsequenzen haben, über ihre Queerness zu sprechen – oder eben auch nicht. Aber gerade in einer Position, die momentan sicherer und weniger bedroht ist, sind wir es unseren queeren Geschwistern und Vorreiter:innen schuldig, den Blick auch über uns selbst hinaus zu erweitern. Und dafür zu kämpfen, irgendwann tatsächlich alle in einer befreiten Welt der queeren Selbstverständlichkeit zu leben."
Ein Coming-out ist keine Frage der Bequemlichkeit
Billie Eilish findet Coming-out überflüssig, Queerness sei doch selbstverständlich. Doch das stimmt nicht. Warum wir weiter queere Kämpfe brauchen.
After coming out, #ChrissieCochrane, now 77, used her “#blindness to great effect,” telling people: “I don’t care if you #stare at me. I can’t tell, so I’m going to not even think that you are.”
I just sent out the coming out email to the last relative outstanding, my brother. We don't have a very close relationship so he ended up being the last to know, and given I see him, on average, once every 3 or 4 years, it wouldn't have the negative impact that it would have with my sisters, for example. Still, always better to have everyone on our side, right? Fingers crossed… #ComingOut
“We have always been here. We just haven’t always felt safe coming out. But there’s no turning back the clock. We’re going to win our liberation today or tomorrow.”
I think I've noticed On Here that the general consensus is, if you think someone's autistic, you shouldn't tell them. It's too much seeing, or something.
I'm a bit baffled by this advice. I think it would have been a kindness if someone had set me down this path sooner. #ActuallyAutistic
Should you tell someone if you think they're autistic and that knowledge could help them?
@Cassandra This reminds me a lot of the discussion around coming out as non-heteronormative. It is important that we be supportive for folks when they need it, and meet them where they are. The difficult part is often recognizing where they are when they don’t have the language yet to express it. I’ve been on both sides, a couple of times.
Sometimes a kick in the ass feels awkward at the time but was in fact the best thing.
Already, fearing what my own words would reveal, I’d not written for decades.
Then, I did.
Because I denied my identity, it was impossible to write from an honest place. Instead, it was me pretending to be someone else & that person pretending to write what that pretend person would write.
Sound like a complicated mess? It was. The irony is that in trying to write, all the walls fell.
My writing helped me come out. All those hidden longings, men and boys who could not be who they were. And the struggle to write that honestly and well told me I was not living it honestly and well. People found that in the stories. It set me on a slow road to come out.
And the strength I got from doing that made coming out the second time (as absolutely bi) very easy.
"My parents are the only people I am out to in my family and they frequently use the wrong pronouns, but not maliciously. I hope they'll get it over time, and I'll keep reminding them. It's frustrating and sometimes it makes me upset. There are certain other family members I don't feel comfortable or safe to come out to because I know they won't get it at all."
We came out to elementary school today, and it went the best we could have hoped for. The principal was so happy for me and for us, and so supportive. I cannot express the feeling of relief. I was in pretty impressively deep denial about how worried I was about that meeting and what it might mean for our kids and our family. After keeping it calm and together while in the school I held my wonderful wife’s hand half the walk home as I tried not to hyperventilate or cry all over my makeup.