oldladyplays

oldladyplays, 4 months ago to random

Well, Google, ya gone and done it.

I just uninstalled Chrome, and installed Firefox. The last two days, YouTube turned to shit on me - won't load videos, is clearly heavily throttled. I switch to Firefox - YouTube works perfectly.

If you've been putting off abandoning Chrome, it's a LOT easier than I expected. Firefox imported my history, my logins/passwords, bookmarks, and so on. Completely painless. Chrome has become thoroughly enshittified. Leave it behind.

oldladyplays, 1 year ago to random

Just for old times' sake, my petition to allow US and UK trans and nonbinary people fleeing transphobic laws and a potential genocide to claim asylum in Canada? Well, it closes in just under one week. At the moment, we're about sixteen thousand signatures short of the second-most signatures on any Canadian petition to the government. Ever.

So I'm gonna send this around one more time, with the hope that Canadians will see it, sign it, and pass it along. You will need a Canadian address (a real one) to fill out the form.

https://petitions.ourcommons.ca/en/Petition/Details?Petition=e-4268

Disponible en français ici:

https://petitions.noscommunes.ca/fr/Petition/Details?Petition=e-4268

Thanks for your attention; boosts and x-posts to other social media welcomed.

oldladyplays, 7 months ago to random

#IndigenousPeoplesDay

oldladyplays, 3 months ago to TransJoy

Hey yo, my trans bros! Calling the trans mascs of Fedi, I want to hear the words and gestures that bring you #TransJoy. I'm being selfish. I'm looking for ways to make my boyfriend feel better about himself. He's so good at affirming me, and I want to get better at affirming him. And I suspect you're just the men for the job.

Help me Obi-Trans Kenobi! You're my only hope!

oldladyplays, 8 months ago to random

I'll tell you this much - I never (in 1992) thought I'd see a day when hundreds of people in my community would gather at 9am on a Wednesday to defend the rights of trans kids to transition safely.

Never could have imagined it.

In 1994, when I attempted to get the gender marker changed on my passport, I was quite literally laughed out of the office by the staff, who were telling each other what a joke I was in the broad hearing of everyone in the room.

That was in this town.

In 1993, when I was jumped by a group of fascists and beaten senseless.

That was in this town.

In 1992, when I'd transitioned, I was kicked out of my housing by my landlord, no notice, just get your stuff and get out. I was merely fortunate to find an apartment nearby that I could afford within a couple of days.

That was in this town.

So I am deeply moved by the number of people who showed up yesterday, not all of them queer themselves, to help defend trans kids.

People spreading the message of trans joy and trans life and trans love.

It makes me again #ProudToBeTrans.

oldladyplays, 1 month ago to random

A friend of mine with a functioning uterus told me recently she was having an IED put in, to keep her from getting pregnant.

I said I thought that was a little extreme, and that maybe an IUD would be better.

oldladyplays, 9 months ago to random

Been reading a couple of threads over at @futurebird about feminism and the life of men.

And it's appalling to me how many of the men responding pointed at feminism as the cause of their pain and suffering as men. That feminism had taken away their ability to be manly.

This is only true if your definition of manly includes "oppresses women regularly". Feminism has been a positive for society in many ways, not least being the de-emphasis on strictly segregated gender roles. It is the patriarchy, and men's control of it, which is keeping these men down - the hierarchy placing men who treat women as objects above men who treat us as people in our own right.

It is patently absurd to suggest that feminism is to blame for men's troubles; it is their internal sense of being required to fulfill rigid gender roles, among which is the imperative to dominate rather than be equals with women, that is bringing them pain. Feminism fights against those rigid roles. We're trying to free men from having to set themselves up with blinders on. Feminism fights against the idea that only women who are "fuckable" have value. It is this concept, rather than feminism, which keeps men in the incel community.

oldladyplays, 5 months ago to random

I want to talk about another aspect of transition when I did it that has relevance today.

When I transitioned, there was, as there still is, a "classic" tale of the trans person. That we always knew as children, that we all wanted medical transition including surgery, that we all wanted to be stealth, were all heterosexual, were all white, were never sex workers, were thin and pretty and so on and so on. We've all heard the story.

The reason for this story, though, is less known. The doctors created it, whole cloth. They created and enforced the "standards" by which someone was assessed for access to medical transition of any kind. And since they only accepted people who fit their narrative, they succeeded in making it somewhat true: those who accessed medical transition tended to fit the story pretty closely.

It's all smoke and mirrors, of course, because they achieved that through the systematic denial of medical transition to a generation of trans people who didn't fit the story well enough, or didn't learn the lies needed soon enough.

What makes this relevant now is the number of people I hear saying they would have cracked their egg sooner if they'd known that story was not inherently true. Seeing themselves lined up beside the story, they didn't match well enough to believe they're trans enough to transition.

I want to tell you, if you're reading this and have been thinking that, that when you're ready, you don't have to match the classic story to be trans enough. You just have to want to not be the gender you were assigned at birth.

oldladyplays, 5 months ago to random

Got a new project I'm starting on. For it, I need help.

I want to make videos for parents of trans kids. Explaining a single issue in each video, I want to do a 10-minute max length shoot for a given question.

What I need are the questions.

So: anyone out there got a trans kid and some questions? Nonbinary kids count too! If so, what questions do you have?

Help me, Fedi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope.

oldladyplays, 1 month ago to disability

Alright, subtoot time, but positively so.

A friend of mine with significant visual impairment pointed out that the lack of description on images is a cultural problem on Fedi, not an individual failure.

So, let me do a thing to help build that culture.

How I Do Image Description

I close my eyes. I look at the image first, and close my eyes. Then I try to describe it without looking. I find this focuses me on the important things to get the image across, without getting distracted by unnecessary detail.

It's okay to peek. I have a strong visual memory, so I'm good with one look, but not everyone is. But do try and see the picture in your mind, if you're not aphantasic.

If you are, I'm not sure if I know a way to help. I apologise; I don't know enough about it to know yet. I did want to acknowledge that not everyone can do this approach.

Anyway, that's my contribution today to creating a culture of image description.

What can you do to add to it?

#Blind #Disability #AltText

oldladyplays, 3 months ago to random

So, I'm kinda sorta officially a model.

My friend and frequent work-partner, Baz, is an artistic photographer. They won a Canada Council grant to do these really cool 3D portraits of a bunch of local trans and nonbinary models. You can't see the 3D effect without the glasses, but it's very cool.

This exhibit will be at the Central Branch of the Kitchener Public Library until the end of March.

I'm a freakin' model. Tick that box off my bucket list.

oldladyplays, 6 months ago to random

Just something to think about here.

If you're not able to see how awesome you are, let me give an applies-to-all-the-trans-girls-here description: You grew up through the trauma of a trans childhood in a cis world. You made it through a forced nasty puberty of not your choice. You made it to adulthood. You have performed in adulthood in various ways, while fighting not only hidden transness but often ADHD and/or autism too. AND THEN! THEN, you magical fucking amazing women, you transitioned. One of the hardest steps anyone ever takes is that first step out the front door after transition. You've all done that. You took a swan dive off the privilege ladder, and each of you finds a way to be gorgeous and sexy doing it.

You are each of you a bloody miracle. Please try and keep that in the back of your head sometimes. Getting to where you are, from where we started, in the face of determined opposition sometimes from family as well as friends and other loved ones, not to mention official opposition from the government of the day.

Recognize your own wonderfulness.

That's what I see in you. Yes, you. Her too, but you especially. If you can read this, and you're a trans femme person, then this applies to you.

Love yas.

oldladyplays, 5 months ago to random

I cannot get over the rank stupidity of abstinence-based "sexual education". In quotes because it's the opposite: they do their work by trying to NOT give info to the kids.

Because, they're thinking, of course if kids don't find out about how to do sex, then obviously they won't do any sex, because they won't know how, ha-ha, checkmate you dumb kids!

But hear me out: sex isn't difficult to figure out. "Hey, does this feel good? Yes. No, not that. This. Yep. Keep doing that. How's this? Good? Good."

What they won't know is how to keep themselves safer, how to not be pregnant, what a good relationship looks like, how to communicate with your partner. All the things that make for successful living together.

They're deliberately setting their kids up for failure, and claiming it makes them holier than everyone else. It's kind of enraging.

oldladyplays, 3 months ago to random

I don't know who on my followers list might need this info, but this is so awesome I couldn't help but share. The company is Reframd (https://www.reframd.com), and they make racially diverse eyeglass frames to fit faces other than the "default" white man or woman.

I realise anyone who needs the link probably already knows about it, but on the off chance anyone might find it useful, I pass it along. I just love to see companies come along who see gaps in the market, and work to fill them with good products - like trans-owned binder makers, or Black-owned frame-makers. Money goes back into the community, people get stuff that suits them better, it's a huge win-win.

Yes, a hundred times better would be the big chains doing this. I've never noticed a "Black faces" section in any chain frame store. More power to Reframd.

oldladyplays, 7 months ago to random

I want to bring up something I'm a bit concerned about, though I don't have an answer to how to make it less concerning.

What I'm talking about is the prevalence of the egg metaphor for incipient transness. And why I worry about it is the same problem that gave us eggs in the first place, namely, the over-prevalence of the One True Narrative of transness, that one had to know as a kid, and so on and so on. The idea that led to so many eggs being formed, that "Oh, that's not me, so I can't be trans."

And I worry that the prevalence of the egg metaphor currently will lead to the formation of more eggs, or worse, self-harm.

See, I don't identify with the egg metaphor at all. Not coincidentally, since I came out 31 years ago now, my story is that of the One True Narrative. I did know from my earliest memories, did act on it all the time, never stopped being affected by dysphoria and the knowledge that I was a girl.

I make the analogy that I was like a flower bulb, sending up shoots repeatedly, and repeatedly smashed down or cut off at ground level for my trouble. I never had a time when I was unknowing or trying to not be trans.

I spoke to someone the other day who is just coming out now, and it was about my bulb analogy, because she resonated with it. And she said the fateful words: "I never saw myself as an egg, so I assumed I couldn't be really trans." This cost her a few years.

I guess what I'm asking is, try and make room when you're deploying the egg metaphor for people for whom it is not the applicable one.

I am not (explicitly not) saying it should not be used or celebrated at all. I just want us to make room for all of our siblings in transness.

oldladyplays, 2 months ago to random

I am fully infertile.

I want to get that out of the way up front, because it's true. I have no dog in the fight.

But I want to state, unequivocally and clearly, that I stand with those who have the equipment for giving birth on the topic of abortion, and IVF, and any other power grabs the right comes up with to control the bodies of birthing people.

For me, it's an issue we as trans people should be fighting as hard for as we fight for our own direct issues. Bodily autonomy applies. It's the same basic issue motivating both anti-trans and anti-abortion campaigners: control of others' bodies.

When we fight for abortion access, we are indirectly and directly still fighting for trans people. We're fighting for trans masc and AFAB enby people to be given full rights over their own bodies. That's the direct path. We're also fighting for the right for all trans people to control our bodies.

So let's stand beside our uterine neighbours, trans women. We are all in the same fight.

oldladyplays, 2 months ago to random

Do you know anyone who came out as trans or nonbinary as a teenager?

I would love to speak with someone who's been through this, with an eye to getting their thoughts down on video for use in my work on "My Kid is Coming Out: What Do I Do Next?"

Can be as anonymous as you like, we can blur your image, change your voice, whatever. But I'd really love to have the voice of experience in this particular video. What I'm looking for is about two or three minutes on how it was, how it went, what could have been better.

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

oldladyplays, 10 months ago to random

Realised lately that I really like my life, myself, my body, my whole existence, in a way I never thought I would. It's so satisfactory to feel so complete.

The Member of Parliament that I worked on the petition with (Mike Morrice, Green Party Kitchener Centre) spotted me at the gala I attended last Thursday, and while hugging me, he said he'd been meaning to tell me. Ever since the petition got big, they've been receiving, daily in the office, emails from trans youth all over the world saying how much of a hero I am to them.

I cried right then and there, of course, because estrogen. I never imagined in my wildest dreams as a scared teen that one day I'd be an activist for trans existence, or that people might look up to me for it. (I don't recommend this, by the way, I wear a lot of skirts and you might get to see more than you wanted.)

Yet here I am. And I'll tell you this: they'll take the microphone out of my cold dead hand before I stop advocating for us.

Cis people: if you want to be on the right side of history, come with me.

oldladyplays, 10 months ago to twitter

Hello, my Twitter-leaving new friends! Lovely to have some new folks following, that's always pleasant.

My tips for enjoying the Fediverse:

1. Follow hashtags. This is a neat feature of the Fedi, You can literally follow a hashtag.

2. Follow people who are different from you. Open your world to new ideas and new people. Unlike Twitter, moderation exists here, and the admins and mods do a lot of great work keeping Fedi as safe as possible. You're not likely to accidentally run into a pocket of right-wing fanatics.

3. Your Home timeline is not algorithm-driven. It picks up all the people you follow, and the hashtags, and puts their posts in chronological order (mostly) in your timeline. This means you're the driver of how busy it is.

4. Ignore all the people with "you must do this to be Fedi enough" attitudes. Yes, you should use alt-text, and CW, and a bunch of other stuff, but you'll learn that over time, as you acclimate to the culture here. Don't let anyone make you feel unwelcome because you don't know it yet.

5. Do make an #Introduction post when you have time. People regularly read that hashtag, and respond to new people.

Enjoy your time here. Follow a bunch of people, and grow from there. And remember our numbers are smaller here - it takes a bit longer to grow your follower numbers, but the engagement is reportedly (by recent Twitter migrants) more effective than Twitter has been in many months.

#Twitter #TwitterDown #NewHere #Introduction

oldladyplays, 4 days ago to random

To any of those with contact with young people who are out protesting for Palestinians.

When the cops come for you, like they did, with heavy hands and empty orders, they're doing that because the boss class wants to scare you. They want you to think that they're going to blackball everyone who ever got a charge for protesting from ever getting a corporate job.

1. This is bullshit. There are too many of you, in a full-employment economy, for them to shut you out. And if not, you'll find ways to start your own organizations, and build society differently that way.

2. They're doing it this way because they're afraid of you. They're afraid of your passion and commitment in pursuing something you know could damage a career. They worry about having employees like that, because your kinds of people become the seeds of unions. Of worker power.

3. Keep it up. Keep up the pressure. You're winning. They don't know it yet, but you're winning.

I can't be with you right now, because of my disabilities and health stuff. But I'm behind you. Cheering you on. You're doing the right thing, the moral thing, and doing so with deliberation and hard thinking.

oldladyplays, 11 months ago to random

I kind of like the idea of a billionaire cage match. Let's do it this way: we take all the billionaires, and lock them together in a cage. Then we turn out the lights and go home, and get on with our lives.

oldladyplays, 6 months ago to random

I don't know who needs to hear this, but once and for fucking all:

My dudes. My brothers in the Spaghetti Monster. You don't have to "NO HOMO" on a trans girl's picture post. No one thinks you're gay for being attracted to a hot woman. It is stupid and hurtful to assert your straightness on a post about a trans woman's picture, as though being attracted made you gay. Just FYI.

If you don't want people to call you a bigot, maybe try not being a bigot?

oldladyplays, 2 months ago to random

Using the women's bathroom: a primer for trans femme people.

I know this is a really stressful topic for some folk, so I'll try to be gentle here.

First things first. Should you be using the women's? Basically, here's my guide: if you like your presentation enough that you're going out in public, you're probably too femme for the men's.

So. You decide to use the women's. What next? Confidence. Confidence is crucial, and here's the good part: can be faked. This is a true "fake it til you make it" situation. Stroll in like you own the place, select your stall, do your business.

DO NOT WORRY ABOUT: the size of your shoes, the sound of your urination, the chance someone will look into those stupid gaps in North American stall doors, or anything else. No one cares but you.

When you're done in the stall, rearrange yourself clothing wise and get back out there. Stride again, stride confidently to the washbasins and do your work. Fix your makeup if you want, check your hair. If anyone else looks at you, smile and use the mirror to make eye contact.

Trust me on this one. I know it feels like a creeper thing to do, and if you were masc-presenting, it would be. But a smile and eye contact says "I belong here, how ya doing?" like nothing else.

WOMEN DO THIS. They make eye contact with one another, small talk, compliment one another, and so on. Don't choke up when it happens. Your voice is fine. Say thanks, and compliment something of hers.

If she makes you as trans, she may ask you something about it. Don't be alarmed. It's a normal thing to talk to other women in the bathroom, and if she were going to be upset, she'd be there already. Just answer as best you can, maybe with a bit of self-deprecating humour.

Then finish up your business before the sinks, smile again and say "have a good day" or something like it, and walk confidently out of there because you just rocked it.

That's how you do it. It gets easier each time.

Good luck.

oldladyplays, 1 month ago to random

Hey, anyone know of a job opportunity for a brilliant nuclear physicist with skills to pay the bills? She's located in the Bay Area of California in the US. Check her account for a recent post on her outline of her skills:

https://chaosfem.tw/@rooster/112283186578656777

Boosts welcome.

@rooster