qurlyjoe

qurlyjoe, 8 months ago to random

"No one wants to work" is just "No one wants to date nice guys" but for employers.

qurlyjoe, 5 months ago to random

If God wanted us to have unlimited free energy He’d have put a giant fusion reactor in the sky.

qurlyjoe, 9 months ago to random

You can tell Wolverine is a Canadian character written by an American because his super power is healthcare.

qurlyjoe, 11 months ago to random

I defragged my zebra.

qurlyjoe, 8 months ago to random

In honor of John Venn’s 180th birthday

qurlyjoe, 3 months ago to random

TFW you realize that Star Wars is the story of an orphaned boy who became radicalized after a military strike kills his family. He is indoctrinated into an ancient religion, joins a band of insurgents, and carries out a terrorist attack that kills 300,000 people.

qurlyjoe, 6 months ago to random

The war on Christmas cannot end until Christmas ends its illegal occupation of November.

qurlyjoe, 9 months ago to random

"Shitposting" is an anagram of "Top Insights"

qurlyjoe, 7 months ago to random

The Rocky Horror Picture Show is the only movie in the Rocky series that doesn't feature Sylvester Stallone.

qurlyjoe, 8 months ago to random

Siri kept calling me Shirley this morning and I was getting really annoyed but then I realized I had left it on Airplane mode.

qurlyjoe, 6 months ago to random

We should probably stop putting people who are preparing for the Rapture in charge of anything.

qurlyjoe, 6 months ago to random

You know you’re old when you have ‘upstairs ibuprofen’ and ‘downstairs ibuprofen’.

qurlyjoe, 9 months ago to random

Apparently, the Bible verses about a talking snake are literal, but the part about forgiving everyone's debt is just a metaphor.

qurlyjoe, 10 months ago to random

Richsplaining: When a person who's never experienced poverty gives you advice on how to get out of poverty.

qurlyjoe, 9 months ago to random

What if, instead of a nervous system, we had a super chill system?

qurlyjoe, 7 months ago to random

All the stuff in your house used to be money. And all that money used to be time.

qurlyjoe, 8 months ago to random

Streaming companies forget that their entire existence is based on being slightly more convenient than piracy.

qurlyjoe, 10 months ago to random

"But what if they don't deserve that money?" is only ever a question asked about poor people.

qurlyjoe, 7 months ago (edited 7 months ago) to random

Google can bring you back a thousand answers, and a librarian can bring you back the right one.
-Neil Gaiman

qurlyjoe, 6 months ago to random

An app where you can transfer your imposter syndrome to people who shouldn't be in positions of power.

qurlyjoe, 10 months ago to random

What a fucking bleak and deathly phrase "cost of living" is when you really unpack it.

qurlyjoe, 7 months ago to random

Your salary is just your employer's monthly subscription of you.

qurlyjoe, 6 months ago to random

Dear Black Friday,
We all have big-screen TVs. Put those groceries on sale.

–Everybody

qurlyjoe, 4 months ago to random

I just saw three people jogging outside and it inspired me to get up and close the blinds.

qurlyjoe, 10 days ago to random