dgar

dgar, 8 months ago to random

dgar, 7 months ago to random

The adjective for metal is metallic.

Not so for iron, which is ironic.

dgar, 6 months ago (edited 6 months ago) to random

dgar, 9 months ago to random

Respect people who wear glasses.

They paid money to see you.

dgar, 9 months ago to random

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dgar, 3 months ago to random

New York City is like Linux

• Spend the first year re-learning how to perform basic tasks
• Spend the rest of your lifetime claiming how much better it is
• Bad drivers

dgar, 1 month ago (edited 1 month ago) to random

From the book: “Science Abridged Beyond the Point of Usefulness” by @ZachWeinersmith

dgar, 6 months ago to random

According to Greek Mythology, Chiron was a half horse, half human doctor.

This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.

dgar, 1 month ago to random

#LichenSubscribe #GNUTerryPratchett

dgar, 9 months ago to random

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dgar, 4 months ago to random

You matter.

Unless you moving at light-speed.

Then you energy.

dgar, 1 month ago to random

~ Dran

dgar, 1 month ago to random

I have a joke about trickle down economics, but 99 percent of you won’t get it.

dgar, 10 months ago to random

Follow me for more recipes.

dgar, 6 months ago to random

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dgar, 5 months ago to random

We got a fax. At work. We didn't know we had a fax machine. Everyone just stared at it. I poked it with a stick.

dgar, 7 months ago (edited 7 months ago) to random

dgar, 5 months ago to random

Incoming text on a cold winters day: “Windows frozen, won’t open”

Text back: “Slowly pour lukewarm water over it and gently tap the edges with a hammer”

Reply: “Computer really messed up now”

dgar, 5 months ago to random

Unicorn licensing.

An official reply to the previous letter: LOS ANGELES COUNTY ANIMAL CARE & CONTROL Marcia Mayeda, Director November 30, 2022 Dear Miss UNICORN LICENSING Thank you very much for your letter requesting permission to have a unicorn in your backyard. I am pleased to tell you that the Los Angeles County Department of Animal Care and Control does license unicorns under the following conditions: 1. The unicorn must be cared for in compliance with all animal caretaking regulations set 2. forth in Los Angeles County Code Title 10 The unicor is given regular access to sunlight, moonbeams, and rainbows. 3. The unicorn is fed one of its favorite treats - watermelon - at least once each week. 4. The unicorn's horn must be maintained to be in good health. This requires polishing at least once a month with a soft cloth. 5. Any sparkles or glitter used on the unicorn must be nontoxic and biodegradable to ensure the unicorn's good health. It is always rewarding to hear from young people who thoughtfully consider the requirements of providing a loving home to animals. I commend your sense of responsible pet ownership to seek permission in advance to keep a unicorn in Los Angeles County. Enclosed is a preapproved unicorn license for when you can find one. In the meantime, because they are indeed very rare to find, we hope you will enjoy this enclosed unicorn with our compliments and appreciation for reaching out to our department. Warmest regards, MARCIA MAYEDA Director