dgar, 7 months ago (edited 7 months ago) to random

One Two Three Four!
I declare a meme war!
Do NOT neglect your #AltText!!

dgar, 2 months ago (edited 2 months ago) to random

Long night so far.

A call from my sister just after midnight that she’d taken mum to the hospital.

Been holding bedside vigil while sister goes home and gets some sleep. Doctors running tests and whatnot. Morphine for the pain. Machines that go “bing”.

It’s about 4:30am and mum’s snoring with a plethora of tubes and wires.

Eyes are heavy. Chair is uncomfortable. The nurses showed me where I could make a cup of coffee for myself.

dgar, 1 year ago (edited 1 year ago) to random

For those wondering, ′′how did i do it?":
I boiled 10L of water, added 2 tablespoons of vinegar, 1 teaspoon of sodium bicarbonate, two cups of coke, and half cup of lemon juice, then stirred well. Waited 3 minutes, put the pan in the solution for 45 minutes, then added a quarter cup of chlorine bleach to the mixture. Then I brushed it with a firm toothbrush and put it back into the liquid for another 25 minutes. I took it out, rinsed it, and it looked exactly the same, so I threw it away, and went and bought a new one.

Edit: Please don’t actually make this concoction! The resulting mixture may produce poisonous gases! This toot is a joke, the pictures are not even my pans. I didn’t throw any pans away. Following these directions, despite the fact it probably won’t do anything useful, would be fucking stupid and you may win a Darwin Award.

dgar, 6 months ago to random

Nobody wants to show me a cool rock they found anymore.

Adulthood is so dumb.

dgar, 11 months ago to random

It’s almost 3am. Why am I one of the 180k people waiting for the WWDC stream to start? I could just watch it in the morning. It’s not going anywhere…

Ten minutes to go…
#WWDC

https://www.youtube.com/live/GYkq9Rgoj8E?feature=share

dgar, 4 months ago to random

The thing is about Australian wildlife is that most Aussie animals won’t back down from a fight, but most of them don’t go looking for a fight either.

If you’re worried about visiting Australia because of our deadly fauna, here’s a hint. If you see an Australian animal, walk away from it.

A kangaroo has trouble disemboweling a retreating person because its attack involves rocking back on its tail and kicking you with both feet. It’s not really able to do any damage on something that’s moving away.

Magpies will generally let you know where their territory is, and if you stay out of it while they’re nesting, they won’t knock a hole in your head.

You literally have to get in the water to be bothered by sharks or crocodiles. Swim where the locals swim.

Snakes and spiders are about the only thing that you might happen upon by surprise and they tend to be happy to let you leave, but will happily fuck you up in self defence.

Y’see, Aussie wildlife mostly kills idiots who approach it, try to pat it, or catch it. Our animals mostly kill and maim stupid people.

I guess, my point is, we don’t have anything like lions or bears that will chase you down, pull you out of your car and tear you to pieces.

Also, the chances of being shot in this country is almost non existent.

Australia’s a pretty safe place to visit, comparatively.

dgar, 1 year ago to random

For all you non-native English speakers out there, “read” is pronounced like “lead”, and “read” is pronounced like “lead”.

#EnglishIsHard

dgar, 1 month ago to random

It’s that time again!
Show me some memes!!

dgar, 8 months ago (edited 8 months ago) to random

G’day. I’m Jon.

In 1975 I was born in Gosford, NSW, Australia. My father moved to follow the work. He was a surveyor. My earliest memories are of Darwin, in the Northern Territory. I was in preschool at the time. Grade 1 was in The Blue Mountains near Sydney. Central Queensland saw me doing Correspondence School in Grade 5. Outback Queensland in Grade 7 to the mining town of Blackwater. Started high school in Tropical Cairns and finished high school in the port city of Gladstone back in Central Queensland.

Since school I've worked as a computer technician, cotton chipper in Emerald, karaoke host, Harvey Norman salesman, stringer (news cameraman), voice-overs, air-conditioner installer, tradesman's assistant working on QR coal-hauling locomotives, graphic artist, and pizza delivery driver. I've been a singer/guitarist/songwriter in at least four different bands that never went anywhere. I have probably enough material I've written myself to fill an album, but at this rate I'll probably never get around to recording it. I spent a few years making wedding videos in my own business which I closed down when I got bored of making wedding videos. I worked at a printshop making all kinds of things from business cards to shopfront signage for a long time. Now I’m doing social media posts for an IT business.

I love computer games and all things tech. My first computer was a Sinclair ZX80 that I got in 1981. Second was a Commodore64 followed by a Macintosh II (I say “my” computers, but they were really my fathers, particularly the Mac which he used for CAD work.) After that I got into Windows PC's (or DOS PC's as they were back then) and all the games they offered. Windows 3.11, Windows95, 98, 2000, XP... Then Vista burned me and I now use a Mac.

I've been married since 2000 and have a little block of land with a humble little house on it. We have a cat and no kids.

I didn’t have any interest in politics most of my life. Beyond being able to name the Prime Minister and the Premier of my state, I didn't really care.

When Tony Abbott and the LNP got in, I joined a political party. 90% of my social media became political. I was talking politics with strangers online. I dove headfirst into everything politics and learned everything about how our government is supposed to work and why it didn’t seem to be working as I would have expected. After eight or nine years, I burned myself out on it.

All that time I could have been learning about robotics or playing computer games or recording music.

If politicians did their job and acted in the interests of the people they represent instead of representing the interests of lobby groups that fund their political campaigns, then a huge portion of the world could go back to doing what we do best. Creating, inventing and innovating a diverse multicultural society.

So that’s me!

Now, to become the artist that made it big on Mastodon. 😁

#introduction

dgar, 8 months ago to random

Username: admin
Password: admin

dgar, 3 months ago (edited 3 months ago) to newmusic

My treasured, most excellent followers, amazing fedizens, mischief-makers, music-lovers, and creatures of multiverse. I’m excited!

Today, under the light of a full moon, I present to you, a brand new Dgar song! Airlock is out now!!

Also, I have bonus shenanigans.

I’d like to give some algorithms a good punch in the face, and shock them into noticing this, my first new release of the year. If you would be generous enough to give my new track a play (or three) on your favourite streaming service (and your second and third favourite streaming service if you’re up for it), I would very much appreciate it.

This experiment will need a lot of people, so please don’t scroll by. I really do need your help to do this. It’s a short song, a bit over two and a half minutes, and I’m really excited for you to hear it!

It’s my dream that I can spend my days making music and sharing bad jokes for all you beautiful beings. I’m working hard right now to release at least one new song per month for 2024. The goal is to supplement the income from my part-time job, at least enough that I don’t need to get a second job.

Additionally, if we can make a meaningful impact on a song release with this kind of action, I’d love if we were able to help other musicians and songwriters of Mastodon with their song launches in the future. Perhaps we can come up with a hashtag for this kind of mission? Please leave your thoughts, suggestions, and expert knowledge in the comments.

I’ll pin this toot, and share the insights, stats, and relevant results for this experiment in the comments as they become available.

Thank you for your help in my attempt at breaking the interwebs. Hopefully we can give some algorithms something to think about!

Boosts are very much welcome and appreciated! I adore those favourites and likes too!

Big love, hugs, and belly raspberries!!

Your Digital Busker,

Jon “Dgar” O’Hare

Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/dgarmusic/airlock/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3LKqsNHyeQ

Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/au/album/airlock-single/1725622588

Tidal: https://tidal.com/track/339881620

Deezer: https://deezer.page.link/QBFLmPCNfMx2xM249

Qobuz: https://open.qobuz.com/track/247740812?sw=1

Songwhip: https://songwhip.com/dgar/airlock

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com.au/albums/B0CS9TMD3C

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/5ThhKPZPArGkU2shGLb4Ul?si=a0e5f233eda74708

#Dgar #DgarMusic #Dgarheads #MusiciansOfMastodon #Filk #Songwriter #Boost #Follow #NewSong #NewMusic #Soundcloud #Blender3D

dgar, 5 months ago (edited 5 months ago) to random

*scrolls through my instance’s # Trending timeline, noting the various hot topics of the moment.

Human Rights for refugees.

Rise of fascism.

Holiday driven capitalism.

Human rights for trans/queer people.

Pandemic

Human rights for humans.

Unemployment.

Poor healthcare.

War.

…. And sitting up the top of the list, trending at # 1, is my stupid joke about not being bitten by a werewolf.

It’s a stupid joke, and holds zero real importance. I didn’t write it. I found it on the internet somewhere. I have no idea who the original author is. It’s copypasta like almost all the jokes and memes I toot. But when I arrived on Mastodon over a year ago, silly jokes seemed to be rare, so that’s what I’ve endeavoured to provide. Silly jokes and dumb memes. Good ones though. Usually tasteful. Always with AltText. And with the aim of lightening the mood and lifting the spirits of this incredible community. Usually. Mostly.

I still sometimes get a little uncomfortable that they out-trend all that serious important stuff though.

dgar, 11 months ago to random

Humans!

Please don't send us any more unsolicited nude pics with instructions on how to get to your house.
It's creepy.

Sincerely,

The Aliens.

dgar, 6 months ago to random

Anyone got some eye jokes?

The cornea, the better.

dgar, 8 months ago to random

A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.

“You can’t cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!”

The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”

dgar, 3 months ago (edited 3 months ago) to random

The Dgar logo is:

dgar, 2 months ago (edited 2 months ago) to random

I'm thinking of going with this artwork for the new single.

What do you think?

dgar, 8 months ago to random

dgar, 3 months ago (edited 3 months ago) to random

In the last months of the 2,022nd year Earth Common Era, #Dgar was led to the Mastodon herd by a werewolf from Melbourne, where they climbed up onto the thick matted wool of a beast affectionately known as AusSocial.
Dgar gripped onto the coat and screamed “Hello World!” No one except the werewolf heard.
Dgar began exploring, moving over the beast. So many interesting personalities, such diversity, and although no one seemed to notice them, Dgar noticed the inhabitants. They were being… nice to each other. Courteous and understanding of differing views and perspectives. Dgar was a bit weirded out, but continued to explore.

Explore.

Suddenly the view opened up and Dgar saw the herd for the first time. Beasts just like AusSocial, but all different in their own ways, stretching to the horizons, as far as the eye could see. And there weren’t just Mastodons either. There were all kinds of beasts, all carving out their own little niche. Someone behind whispered “That’s the Fediverse.” Dgar felt the presence of millions of people, working together, competing, evolving, developing… and despairing.

Dgar wandered from feed to feed, community to community, and slowly began to realise that almost everyone was talking about the same things.

Billionaires ruined some place that wasn’t anywhere near as good as where they are right now.
The depressing state of politics and the media that supports it.
Despair over misinformation and the people who believe it.
Gun control.
Climate change.
Natural disasters.
War. Murder. Disease.
Stop!

There’s no jokes.
There’s no shitposting.
There’s no laughter.
There’s lots of love and understanding, but when you look for something funny, there’s a few people asking “Where are all the jokes and shitposters?”

Dgar resolved to fill this niche, and began tooting every joke they could find. For several months, they tooted a joke or meme every twenty minutes while they were awake, and as often as possible while they were asleep. They would traverse great distances, well beyond the herd, to sift through what at times seemed like piles of refuse to find puns and funnies.
After some time, Dgar became known for the funny toots, and many people followed them.

Today, like most days, Dgar climbed up to take in the view of the herd, and a giant smile broke upon his face. There were jokes. There were memes. There were terrible puns. The toots emanating from the very top of AusSocial were light hearted and humorous takes.
It was beautiful.

And so Dgar finds themselves re-considering their place in the community. Does the Fediverse need Dgar to lift their spirit with stolen jokes, old puns, and scavenged memes?
Maybe.
But maybe not so much.

Perhaps the 2,024th year Earth Common Era will be the year Dgar begins concentrating on what Dgar loves.
Making music.

Thank you all for your support. Big love to each and every one of you. ♥️
🫶🎼🎤🎵🎸🎶

#DgarLore

dgar, 8 months ago to random

Happy 32nd birthday Linux. Here’s your damn cake. Go ahead and compile it yourself!

dgar, 10 months ago to random

I always keep a guitar in the car.

It’s great for traffic jams.

dgar, 1 month ago (edited 1 month ago) to random

I’m still not sure if I’ll do an “album” because I have too much fun sharing songs as I finish them, as singles. All the same, if I do, I’ll need a good name for it. So, just for fun…

https://on.soundcloud.com/6kQvAVc5wjgCHy1R7

dgar, 11 months ago to random

Good design serves everyone.

dgar, 2 months ago to random

dgar, 6 months ago (edited 6 months ago) to random